Analyzing Personal Conflict Management Style

Conflict is inevitable as people naturally disagree at times when they interact. Conflict is about disagreement (Beebe & Masterson, 2009, p. 151). Conflict exists when people have different ideas about what is important, as well as different answers for something that requires resolution (Fitzpatrick, 2007). Conflicts may occur as a result of communication breakdown, differences in personalities, power and status struggles, and disagreements on goals. Conflict has traditionally meant failure or a breakdown of relationships. (Fitzpatrick, 2007) Without conflict, groups would have little to discuss to reach a consensus on an idea. Conflict can be productive and unproductive, depending on how it is managed (Fitzpatrick, 2007). It is important to become familiar with one’s own personal conflict management style in order to manage conflict with a win-win approach. Managing conflict through effective communication is a useful skill in building and maintaining satisfying relationships (Wieder-Hatfield, 1981, p. 265).
There are several different styles in which individuals manage conflict. The avoidance conflict management style occurs when a person attempts to ignore disagreements. A person that uses this style of conflict management may do so when they are afraid of standing up for their rights, or they may just not want to deal with the hassle of a difficult and uncomfortable situation. One may also not want to hurt another person’s feelings. There are advantages and disadvantages to the avoidance technique of conflict management. A disadvantage to using this technique is the conflict remains unresolved, therefore causing emotions to escalate. You may unintentionally signal to others that you are not interested in their needs. It may be an advantage to use this style of conflict management when a cooling off period is needed to think about the issues that are the source of the conflict. (Beebe & Masterson, 2009, p. 160-161)
Accommodation is another conflict-management style in which one tries to handle the conflict by giving in to the wishes of others. This style is often referred to as a “lose-win” approach. People tend to use this approach when they lack confidence, have a high need for approval, and want others to like them. It may not always serve one well to accommodate during a conflict. A bad decision may be caused as the issues underlying the conflict were not thoroughly discussed. It may be appropriate to accommodate when you realize your position is wrong on an issue being discussed. Accommodating when appropriate can help a group develop a supportive climate as it shows you are reasonable. (Beebe & Masterson, 2009, p. 160-161)
Competition is another conflict management style in which people strive to win a conflict at the expense of others. People who use this style are often seeking power and control over others. It is beneficial to use this style only if you are certain you have accurate information and that your insights and knowledge can help the group achieve its goal. Using the competitive style creates a disadvantage when it results in a defensive climate, creates blame towards others, and exerts control over others. (Beebe & Masterson, 2009, p. 161)
Compromise is another style of conflict management that creates a solution that will somewhat meets the needs of all concerned. Using this method is not always a good idea. When groups quickly try to reach a compromise without discussing why they have conflict, the group may not reach the best solution or decision. Compromise may be beneficial when a decision is needed quickly. (Beebe & Masterson, 2009, p. 161-162)
Collaboration is a method of conflict management in which group member’s work together to produce a win-win outcome rather than competing for power. People who use collaboration view conflict as a problem to be solved rather than competing to prove who is right and who is wrong. Using this technique produces more satisfied group members as well as better solutions to conflict. A disadvantage of this method is the time, energy, patience, and skill it takes to collaborate. (Beebe & Masterson, 2009, p. 162)
Different conflict situations require each of us to choose a style of conflict management appropriate for the type of conflict. The key to effective conflict prevention and management is to choose the conflict management style appropriate for the conflict (Green, n.d, para. 1). Your conflict management behavioral style is simply a part of who you are. You develop a preferred style of conflict management based on past experiences, backgrounds, perceptions, gifts and abilities.(Mediation Works North, Inc., 2008-2011) While most individuals have a preferred method of conflict management that they use in conflict situations, it may be necessary to choose a different style when appropriate. I personally use the collaborative approach to conflict management most often. I have never liked to avoid a conflict, which at times can lead to more contention. Often times a “cooling off” period is needed to think about the issue at hand. I tend to want to talk about the conflict right away and resolve the issue. I do not work as well if I know a conflict exists. I care about what others are thinking and feeling in addition to my own thoughts and feelings. I want to take the time to develop a true consensus on a solution to the conflict that all individuals involved are in support of.
I realize my preferred method of collaboration is not appropriate for all conflict situations. I often turn to the compromise style of conflict management when conflict exists with my children. I feel that using the compromise style has many advantages over other styles of conflict management to resolve conflicts I am having with my children. The competitive style of conflict management only makes my children more defensive and rebellious against my power. I want them to feel that we are a team, and we can work out conflict together.
My biggest frustrations in dealing with others who use different styles of conflict management are those who continually use the avoidance style. I realize that many people do not like to deal with conflict, so they would rather pretend it does not exist. Personally, I feel that in most situations, this causes the conflict to escalate. Relationships can be damaged by unresolved issues. I feel that overusing this style can lead us into giving up too many of our own personal goals and enables others to take advantage of us. It is important to learn to stand up for what one believes in rather than becoming a “doormat” and trying to always please others. The only time I like to use this style of conflict management is when emotions are out of control and a cooling off period is necessary to regroup and think about the issue. The conflict generally does not just go away, and will have to be dealt with at some point. I also have a difficult time dealing with those who use the competition style of conflict management. I struggle to get along with those who seek power over others and always want to be right. Conflict should not be a game that is to be won, but an opportunity to discuss different points of view and come to a consensus. In my experience, when the competition conflict management style is being used it creates an atmosphere of defensiveness, which I find uncomfortable. Even when one is certain they are right or has the correct information, there is an ethical way to try and persuade others to see your point of view without being overly aggressive.
In conclusion, we all respond differently when faced with conflict. We respond differently to situations and people depending upon the dynamics of a relationship. We are a blend of temperaments and conflict resolution styles (Mediation Works North, Inc., 2008-2011, p. 1) It is beneficial to recognize the conflict management styles we tend to use and that others use to enable us to work with others more effectively. It is important to recognize that conflict is inevitable as people naturally disagree at times when they interact. Learning to deal appropriately with conflict will improve our relationships with others. Conflict arises when there is a difference in opinions, needs, or values. Miscommunication may be a big factor in conflicts arising. Whatever the cause, conflict management requires careful consideration in choosing a conflict management style that will satisfy all parties involved.
 
References
Beebe, S. A., & Masterson, J. T. (2009). Communicating in small groups: Principles and practices (9th ed.). Boston, MA: Pearson/Allyn and Bacon.
Fitzpatrick, R. L. (2007). A literature review exploring values alignment as a proactive approach to conflict management. International Journal of Conflict Management, 18(3), 280-305.
Green, M. (n.d). Choosing a Conflict Management Style. Retrieved from http://disputeresolution.ohio.gov/schools/contentpages/styles.htm
Mediation Works North, Inc. (2008-2011). http://www.mediationworksnorth.org/a/j/tips/7-avoidance-conflict-resolution-style-
Wieder-Hatfield, D. (1981, July ). A Unit in Conflict Management Communication Skills. Communication Education, 30(3), 265-273.

References: Beebe, S. A., & Masterson, J. T. (2009). Communicating in small groups: Principles and practices (9th ed.). Boston, MA: Pearson/Allyn and Bacon. Fitzpatrick, R. L. (2007). A literature review exploring values alignment as a proactive approach to conflict management. International Journal of Conflict Management, 18(3), 280-305. Green, M. (n.d). Choosing a Conflict Management Style. Retrieved from http://disputeresolution.ohio.gov/schools/contentpages/styles.htm Mediation Works North, Inc. (2008-2011). http://www.mediationworksnorth.org/a/j/tips/7-avoidance-conflict-resolution-style- Wieder-Hatfield, D. (1981, July ). A Unit in Conflict Management Communication Skills. Communication Education, 30(3), 265-273.