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Benefits Immigrants: A Comparative Analysis

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Benefits Immigrants: A Comparative Analysis
Step 1 (FOCUS): I’ll have to make my thesis more concise; I will do this by being less specific about my proposed compromise. Instead, I will try to just introduce the main idea of it and then expand more in the paragraph dedicated to the compromise. Finally, I will try to describe more what the benefit will be for the society as a whole instead of just describing how it benefits immigrants. (WC: 69)
Step 2 (EVIDENCE): Even though both peers complimented me because I used a lot of credible sources. One of them said that my voice is lost because I included too much evidence. Therefore, I will try to start each paragraph with my own original sentence and then start supporting it with evidence. Also, I will remove unnecessary and/or excessive
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