Blended Family Research Paper
The Negative Aspects of Blended Families
A blended family is composed of a married couple with children from a previous marriage. There are many aspects to consider before becoming a blended family. Many people who enter into a blended family do not realize the many complications that can arise. Combined marriages cause families to develop serious issues.
Children in blended families often disrespect the authority of stepparents. It can be difficult for children to respect someone who they may not want involved in their lives. There are many reasons that contribute to the disrespect children have towards their stepparents.
Kids sometimes feel that step parents try to replace their biological parents. Unfortunately, stepparents don’t always …show more content…
understand how to act in front of their stepchildren. Sarah W. Caron reports, "No matter how bad the biological parent is, you aren 't supposed to take her place -- or try. It could lead to big-time resentment. ‘Don 't try to replace your step-child 's biological parent. Be there as a support system, role model, mentor and caring ear,’ says Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, author of How Do I Tell the Kids About the Divorce?’" This quote is demonstrating how stepparents should be a support system instead of trying to be a replacement. The issue is that many stepparents don 't understand that children don 't want a second parent. Some stepparents overcompensate, which can lead a child to believe that their stepparent is trying to replace their biological mother or father. When children feel their biological parent is being replaced they rebel and refuse to accept the presence of their stepparent. When children rebel they cause problems that can affect their parents new marriage. Deesha Philyaw and Michael D. Thomas insist, “remarriages with children experience a 50 percent higher divorce rate than those without children, according to Wednesday Martin (2009), author of stepmother.” Part of the reason the divorce rate is so high is because many blended families don 't know how to interact with one another.
Some children reject stepparents to preserve the memory of their deceased biological parent. Kids who have lost a mother or father generally idealize their parents and try to preserve their memory. Because of this, children may become more closed minded to the idea of having a stepparent. The love a child has for their biological parent prevents them from truly accepting a stepparent into their life. In a childs mind, when a biological parent is no longer alive it becomes easier for them to be replaced. For this reason, children disobey their stepparents to ensure the memory of their mother or father stays intact. Kids generally don 't want to put their mother or father through the pain being replaced by another parent. For this reason kids usually stay loyal to their parents and do everything in their power to make sure they don 't get replaced by another. James Furrow, PH.D. and Gail Palmer, M.S.W. state “The remarried couples attempts to foster a new family identity are met with resistance as loyalty conflicts result in children feeling forced to ‘chose sides.’” Just because a biological parent is no longer in the childs life doesn 't mean that the child will forget about their parent and move on. Because the child 's mother or father can 't fight for themselves, the child makes sure to keep their memory alive.
Children usually realize that step-parents don’t have the same authority as their biological parents. When this happens kids start to take advantage and test their stepparents authority. Children also start to disobey the rules enforced by their step-parents in order to prove that they can 't be punished by them. Kids have a difficult time believing a stepparents threats will be enforced so they take advantage of the situation. Most kids are smart enough to realize that stepparents cannot punish them the same way their biological parents do. This train of thought causes children to lose any respect they had for their stepparent. Andrew J. Cherlin, a sociologist, explains how most stepparents do not know how to discipline their stepchildren (161). Cherlin continues in his statement by indicating how most step-parents cannot establish themselves as disciplinarians with their stepchildren for various reasons (161). Cherlin concludes his statement by addressing that the main disciplinary issue arises from sharing the parental role with the biological parent of the child (161). In conclusion the reason children do not respect their stepparents authority is because the step parents cannot see themselves as disciplinarians. Children may wrongly perceive that they are no longer loved by their biological parents because of the new members entering the family. By adding new members to the family children may feel as if they aren 't enought to make their parents happy. Barbara Lebey describes how children wonder why their parents feel the need to start a family when they already have one (232). Lebey continues in her statement by addressing that children perceive moving on from a divorce differently than their parents (232). Lebey concludes by stating that this train of thought sometimes causes children to rebel against their stepparents (232). Children believe that by disrespecting their stepparents, they will be able to force them out of the house. If kids feel they are being replaced by a step-parent, that child will most likely lash out at that individual. Valerie J. Lewis Coleman commented “I tried to make my husband make his daughter like me. After ten years of failed attempts, I decided to make myself change”(153). This quote shows that a blended family requires everyone to contribute. In order to survive the combination of two families, the parents and children need to learn how to compromise. Parents usually have to make the first gesture because most children are not open to the idea of stepparents dominating their lives.
Combined marriages cause jealousy between family members. Some children feel that the presence of a stepparent prevents the child’s biological parents from getting back together. For this reason, children may start to become resentful and jealous of their stepparent.
Jealousy can arise between step siblings when a child realizes that the attention will have to be divided. Jealousy between siblings can be very detrimental to combined marriages. Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee discuss that, “On a deeper level, they worry about favoritism. Will my step favor his or her kids over me? Will my own parent favor me over my half sibs? Or will I always come second or last or first? They especially worry about losing time or closeness with their biological parent” (325). This quote explains what goes through a childs mind when they start to become jealous. Children begin asking themselves many different questions trying to figure out who loves who the most. Children start to fill their heads with negatives thoughts leading them to jealousy and resentment towards others. According to Lebey, “Jealous children can do unscrupulous things, even when they are motivated primarily by a need to protect themselves from the wrenching dislocations taking place in their lives” (18). When children feel threatened by people such as step siblings, they become driven to do what needs to be done. After things progress to a certain point children begin to rival against one another for attention.
Children may perceive their parents getting remarried it about starting a new and better family. Children who are very attached to their parents may feel threatened when a new romantic relationship enters their mother or fathers life. Furrow and Palmer acknowledge “Couples entering marriage with children from a previous relationship encounter increased demands that often result in greater family tension and conflict.” The conflict from entering a combined family is having a child who feels threatened by the changes occurring in his or her life. The kids may start to realize that getting remarried may lead to a new sibling that they don 't want. Some children may think that because their parents broke up they are no longer as important as their new half-sister or half-brother. Feelings of being replaced may also cause the child to feel as if they are no longer an important part of their parent’s life. For this reason, children may become extremely jealous of any new members entering their lives. Lewis argues, “while children in intact families worry about being usurped by the new baby, the fear is compounded in a second marriage”(318). This quote proves how stepfamilies have a difficult time getting everyone to get along compared to families that are intact.
Unequal treatment of children involved in blended families cause strife between parents. In blended families, treating the children involved equally is essential to keeping peace within the family. The unequal treatment of children can cause many issues within the family.
Disciplining children differently may cause strife between parents. Some parents do not think that stepparents should have the same authority over their children. Anne O 'Connor states “Stepparents who correct a stepchild from the beginning of their relationship will likely find themselves frustrated not only by the stepchilds response, but often by the lack of support from the parent as well. When a parent senses his child 's discomfort, he may get defensive for his child” (194). This quote clearly demonstrates how parents often take their childrens side. This is especially true when the conflict involves their stepparent. Although most parents don 't realize it, biological parents don 't allow stepparents the same authority over their children.
Stepchildren are not always treated equally to biological children. On some level children know that if their step mother or father has a child of their own they will most likely prefer that child over them. The chances are that parents will have deeper feelings towards their own children. O’Connor notes, “Children are always on the lookout for favoritism from the adults in their lives. This is even more prevalent in stepfamilies, in which not all children have the same parents” (198). This quote demonstrates how children look for mistreatment and favoritism. Children want to be cared for and treated equally which is why kids are so vigilant. The quote also specifies that step siblings tend to be more aware of how they are treated in relation to the other step children. Wallerstein and Blakeslee add, “Stepmothers who have their first child within a second marriage may push the other children away. And if the new child is indeed prettier, smarter,or more talented than the other children, parents need to do backflips to keep things fair” (320). For this reason stepparents should try not to blatantly show favoritism towards their own children, even if it’s true. Believing they are not loved as much as their step-siblings, can have a negative effect on that child. Low self-esteem and growing hatred towards their step parent and siblings are all effects that can occur by showing favoritism. Parents blame one another when extended family clearly demonstrates more affection towards one child than the other. Extended family sometimes doesn 't pay as much attention to the child if they are not blood related. Unfortunately, the lack of attention to the children who are not blood related causes parents to blame one another. Lack of respect being shown to their biological child causes parents to become angry and resentful. Susan Pacey reveals “Grandparents are powerful figures in the hierarchy of the stepfamily, and can help or hinder the couple in forming a new life together. For example, gifts or bequests made to the biological grandchildren only, when a long established stepfamily home includes step or half siblings, may prove divisive and detrimental to the stepfamily and the couple.” Parents expect one another to stand up for their kids so that the stepchildren and biological children get treated equally. Parents blame each other when being blood related affects the way the children are being treated.
Unequal punishment towards stepchildren and biological children may cause strife between parents. Stepparents sometimes unintentionally demonstrate more affection towards their own children. For this reason, step-children may become angry and complain to their biological parent. When this occurs most parents start to fight about how the children are not being treated equally. During this time, parents become more vigilant of one another when interacting with the children. This causes parents to doubt one another when their children are involved. In certain cases parents also show more leniency towards their biological children. Parents also tend to be more forgiving towards children who are biologically related to them. Unfortunately, the same does not apply to stepchildren. Step parents tend to hold a grudge towards children who are not blood related. Most stepparents also have a more difficult time forgiving children who are not biologically related to them.
Problems with the biological parent of a child may cause family issues. Parents who remarry do not always have a good relationship with their ex-husband or ex-wife. Exes can negatively impact new relationships especially when children are involved .
The biological parent of a child may become jealous of their ex husband or wife starting a new family. Claire Cartwright and Kerry Gibson note, “couples came under what could be considered severe levels of stress, often during the early stages of their relationship, because of conflict with former spouses over children’s residence and/or financial arrangements.” This quote shows how exes can stress a relationship even with the most common issues concerning their children. In certain cases, ex-husbands and ex-wives do not leave a relationship on good terms and might become jealous when their ex-spouse starts a new relationship. Parents are very protective and may become jealous of their ex-spouse raising their child with another person. Parents may also become jealous when they watch their ex-spouse remarry and raise their child with another person. Seeing a stepparent develop a relationship with their child might lead to serious jealousy. According to Philyaw and Thomas, the idea of an ex being with someone else can reopen wounds from the divorce (162). Philyaw and thomas continue by stating how Parents sometimes unwillingly pressure their kids to take sides out of jealousy (162).This act can sometimes cause the children to reject their stepparents (162). Philyaw and thomas continue by stating that experiencing an ex getting remarried can ruin any fantasy of getting their family back together, causing extreme jealousy (162).
Deciding how to discipline children in the family may cause strife between parents. Some parents do not think that stepparents should have the same authority over their children. O 'Connor reports “Stepparents who correct a stepchild from the beginning of their relationship will likely find themselves frustrated not only by the stepchilds response, but often by the lack of support from the parent as well. When a parent senses his child 's discomfort, he may get defensive for his child” (194). This quote clearly demonstrates how parents often take their childrens side. This is especially true when the conflict the child is having involves their stepparent. Although most parents don 't realize it, biological parents don 't allow stepparents the same authority over their children.
Children who enter into a blended family may develop emotional issues. Uprooting a child 's entire previous life to start a new family can cause that child serious mental and emotional issues. Children cannot always deal with the emotional toll of starting a blended family.
Children take a long time to recover from a parents divorce. starting a new family too quickly can cause a child to develop intense emotional upset. Divorce greatly affects children 's lives and adding a new family to the mix can cause the child serious psychological damage. Children need to accept things at their own pace and rushing towards a conclusion will only cause the child emotional pain. Cherlin acknowledges, Almost all children experience harmful psychological effects from parental divorce. Almost all children experience an initial period of great emotional upset following a parental separation; most return to normal development within one year or two years following the separation; and a minority of children experience some long-term psychological problems as a result of the separation (79). This quote greatly describes how every child reacts differently to their parents getting divorced. For this reason parents need to be vigilant at how children cope with their parents divorce. It is clearly demonstrated by the quote that the average child takes at least a year or two to fully heal emotionally, but that is not always the case. Until children fully accept their parents divorce they will never fully accept the idea of a blended family. Children who are rushed into a blended family may not have enough time to comprehend what 's happening. Children who are rushed into life changing situations have a hard time adapting to a new environment. Cartwright and Gibson reveal “Another father, who had re-partnered within six months of separating, had lost regular contact with his preadolescent and adolescent children.” this quote is an example of a situation that can mentally harm a child 's mind. losing a father is hard enough, but being passed up for another family is devastating. Children are already overwhelmed with the changes implemented by their parents getting divorced. If a child 's parents moves things too quickly then the children might become overwhelmed with change. The children are already wondering about why their mother and father arent together anymore on top of many other things. Wallerstein and Blakeslee commented “Since he now occupies a new role in the family, they want to know more. Will he be strict or lenient? Mean or nice? Fair or selfish? Will he help with homework? Will he get mad and yell? Will he sit at daddy’s place at dinner? Will he sleep in daddy’s bed? Does this mean Mom and Dad will never ever reconcile” (294)? This quote confirms all the questions that will be asked when parents move onto a new relationship. The difference is that when children have had enough time to process they might be more open to the information. However, if things move too fast paced for the child he or she will not be able to comprehend what 's going on. Parents need to be united in a blended family so that children cannot take advantage. Before getting remarried parents need to make sure that they are ready to move on and start over again. Parents need to take things slow when blending families so that the children are gradually able to adapt. Most importantly, children need time to adjust to situations at their own pace.
Works Cited
Caron, S. (2010, February 11). Avoiding step-parenting minefields. Retrieved December 11, 2014.
Cartwright, Claire, and Kerry Gibson. "The Effects Of Co-Parenting Relationships With Ex-Spouses On Couples In Step-Families." Family Matters 92 (2013): 18-28. Academic Search Premier. Web. 11 Dec. 2014.
Cherlin, A. (1981). Marriage, divorce, remarriage. Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press.
Coleman, Valerie Lewis. Blended Families: An Anthology. Dayton, Ohio: Pen of the Writer, 2006. Print.
Connor, Anne. (2003). The truth about stepfamilies: Real American stepfamilies speak out about what works and what doesn 't when it comes to creating a family together. New York: Marlowe.
Furrow, James, and Gail Palmer. "Efft And Blended Families: Building Bonds From The Inside Out." Journal Of Systemic Therapies 26.4 (2007): 44-58. Academic Search Premier. Web. 11 Dec. 2014.
Lebey, Barbara. Remarried with Children Ten Secrets for Successfully Blending and Extending Your Family. S.l.: Random House Group, 2004. Print
Philyaw, D., & Thomas, M. (2013). Co-parenting 101: Helping your kids thrive in two households after divorce.
Pacey, Susan. "Step Change: The Interplay Of Sexual And Parenting Problems When Couples Form Stepfamilies." Sexual & Relationship Therapy 20.3 (2005): 359-369. Academic Search Premier. Web. 11 Dec. 2014.
Wallerstein, J., & Blakeslee, S. (2003). What about the kids?: Raising your children before, during, and after divorce. New York: Hyperion.
The Negative Aspects of Blended Families
By
Thalia Campos Ribeiro English 100C
Professor Marshall
10 December 2014
Outline
Thesis: Combined marriages cause families to develop serious issues.
I. Children in blended families often disrespect the authority of stepparents.
A. Kids sometimes feel that step-parents try to replace their biological parents.
B. Some children reject stepparents to preserve the memory of their deceased biological parent.
C. Children usually realize that step-parents don 't have the same authority as their biological parents.
D. Children may wrongly perceive that they are no longer loved by their biological parents because of the new members entering the family.
II. Combined marriages cause jealousy between family members.
A. Jealousy can arise between step-siblings when a child realized that the attention will have to be divided.
B. Children may perceive their parents getting remarried is about starting a new and better family.
III. Unequal treatment of children involved in blended families cause strife between parents.
A. Disciplining children differently may cause strife between parents.
B. Stepchildren are not always treated equally to biological children.
C. Parents blame one another when extended family clearly demonstrated more affection towards one child than the
other.
D. Unequal punishment towards stepchildren and biological children may cause strife between parents.
IV. Problems with the biological parent of a child may cause family issues.
A. The biological parent of a child may become jealous of their ex husband or wife starting a new family.
B. Deciding how to discipline children in the family may cause strife between parents.
V. Children who enter into a blended family may develop emotional issues.
A. Children take a long time to mentally recover from a parents divorce.
B. Children who are rushed into a blended family may not have enough time to comprehend what 's happening.
A blended family is composed of a married couple with children from a previous marriage. There are many aspects to consider before becoming a blended family. Many people who enter into a blended family do not realize the many complications that can arise. Combined marriages cause families to develop serious issues.
Children in blended families often disrespect the authority of stepparents. It can be difficult for children to respect someone who they may not want involved in their lives. There are many reasons that contribute to the disrespect children have towards their stepparents.
Kids sometimes feel that step parents try to replace their biological parents. Unfortunately, stepparents don’t always …show more content…
understand how to act in front of their stepchildren. Sarah W. Caron reports, "No matter how bad the biological parent is, you aren 't supposed to take her place -- or try. It could lead to big-time resentment. ‘Don 't try to replace your step-child 's biological parent. Be there as a support system, role model, mentor and caring ear,’ says Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, author of How Do I Tell the Kids About the Divorce?’" This quote is demonstrating how stepparents should be a support system instead of trying to be a replacement. The issue is that many stepparents don 't understand that children don 't want a second parent. Some stepparents overcompensate, which can lead a child to believe that their stepparent is trying to replace their biological mother or father. When children feel their biological parent is being replaced they rebel and refuse to accept the presence of their stepparent. When children rebel they cause problems that can affect their parents new marriage. Deesha Philyaw and Michael D. Thomas insist, “remarriages with children experience a 50 percent higher divorce rate than those without children, according to Wednesday Martin (2009), author of stepmother.” Part of the reason the divorce rate is so high is because many blended families don 't know how to interact with one another.
Some children reject stepparents to preserve the memory of their deceased biological parent. Kids who have lost a mother or father generally idealize their parents and try to preserve their memory. Because of this, children may become more closed minded to the idea of having a stepparent. The love a child has for their biological parent prevents them from truly accepting a stepparent into their life. In a childs mind, when a biological parent is no longer alive it becomes easier for them to be replaced. For this reason, children disobey their stepparents to ensure the memory of their mother or father stays intact. Kids generally don 't want to put their mother or father through the pain being replaced by another parent. For this reason kids usually stay loyal to their parents and do everything in their power to make sure they don 't get replaced by another. James Furrow, PH.D. and Gail Palmer, M.S.W. state “The remarried couples attempts to foster a new family identity are met with resistance as loyalty conflicts result in children feeling forced to ‘chose sides.’” Just because a biological parent is no longer in the childs life doesn 't mean that the child will forget about their parent and move on. Because the child 's mother or father can 't fight for themselves, the child makes sure to keep their memory alive.
Children usually realize that step-parents don’t have the same authority as their biological parents. When this happens kids start to take advantage and test their stepparents authority. Children also start to disobey the rules enforced by their step-parents in order to prove that they can 't be punished by them. Kids have a difficult time believing a stepparents threats will be enforced so they take advantage of the situation. Most kids are smart enough to realize that stepparents cannot punish them the same way their biological parents do. This train of thought causes children to lose any respect they had for their stepparent. Andrew J. Cherlin, a sociologist, explains how most stepparents do not know how to discipline their stepchildren (161). Cherlin continues in his statement by indicating how most step-parents cannot establish themselves as disciplinarians with their stepchildren for various reasons (161). Cherlin concludes his statement by addressing that the main disciplinary issue arises from sharing the parental role with the biological parent of the child (161). In conclusion the reason children do not respect their stepparents authority is because the step parents cannot see themselves as disciplinarians. Children may wrongly perceive that they are no longer loved by their biological parents because of the new members entering the family. By adding new members to the family children may feel as if they aren 't enought to make their parents happy. Barbara Lebey describes how children wonder why their parents feel the need to start a family when they already have one (232). Lebey continues in her statement by addressing that children perceive moving on from a divorce differently than their parents (232). Lebey concludes by stating that this train of thought sometimes causes children to rebel against their stepparents (232). Children believe that by disrespecting their stepparents, they will be able to force them out of the house. If kids feel they are being replaced by a step-parent, that child will most likely lash out at that individual. Valerie J. Lewis Coleman commented “I tried to make my husband make his daughter like me. After ten years of failed attempts, I decided to make myself change”(153). This quote shows that a blended family requires everyone to contribute. In order to survive the combination of two families, the parents and children need to learn how to compromise. Parents usually have to make the first gesture because most children are not open to the idea of stepparents dominating their lives.
Combined marriages cause jealousy between family members. Some children feel that the presence of a stepparent prevents the child’s biological parents from getting back together. For this reason, children may start to become resentful and jealous of their stepparent.
Jealousy can arise between step siblings when a child realizes that the attention will have to be divided. Jealousy between siblings can be very detrimental to combined marriages. Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee discuss that, “On a deeper level, they worry about favoritism. Will my step favor his or her kids over me? Will my own parent favor me over my half sibs? Or will I always come second or last or first? They especially worry about losing time or closeness with their biological parent” (325). This quote explains what goes through a childs mind when they start to become jealous. Children begin asking themselves many different questions trying to figure out who loves who the most. Children start to fill their heads with negatives thoughts leading them to jealousy and resentment towards others. According to Lebey, “Jealous children can do unscrupulous things, even when they are motivated primarily by a need to protect themselves from the wrenching dislocations taking place in their lives” (18). When children feel threatened by people such as step siblings, they become driven to do what needs to be done. After things progress to a certain point children begin to rival against one another for attention.
Children may perceive their parents getting remarried it about starting a new and better family. Children who are very attached to their parents may feel threatened when a new romantic relationship enters their mother or fathers life. Furrow and Palmer acknowledge “Couples entering marriage with children from a previous relationship encounter increased demands that often result in greater family tension and conflict.” The conflict from entering a combined family is having a child who feels threatened by the changes occurring in his or her life. The kids may start to realize that getting remarried may lead to a new sibling that they don 't want. Some children may think that because their parents broke up they are no longer as important as their new half-sister or half-brother. Feelings of being replaced may also cause the child to feel as if they are no longer an important part of their parent’s life. For this reason, children may become extremely jealous of any new members entering their lives. Lewis argues, “while children in intact families worry about being usurped by the new baby, the fear is compounded in a second marriage”(318). This quote proves how stepfamilies have a difficult time getting everyone to get along compared to families that are intact.
Unequal treatment of children involved in blended families cause strife between parents. In blended families, treating the children involved equally is essential to keeping peace within the family. The unequal treatment of children can cause many issues within the family.
Disciplining children differently may cause strife between parents. Some parents do not think that stepparents should have the same authority over their children. Anne O 'Connor states “Stepparents who correct a stepchild from the beginning of their relationship will likely find themselves frustrated not only by the stepchilds response, but often by the lack of support from the parent as well. When a parent senses his child 's discomfort, he may get defensive for his child” (194). This quote clearly demonstrates how parents often take their childrens side. This is especially true when the conflict involves their stepparent. Although most parents don 't realize it, biological parents don 't allow stepparents the same authority over their children.
Stepchildren are not always treated equally to biological children. On some level children know that if their step mother or father has a child of their own they will most likely prefer that child over them. The chances are that parents will have deeper feelings towards their own children. O’Connor notes, “Children are always on the lookout for favoritism from the adults in their lives. This is even more prevalent in stepfamilies, in which not all children have the same parents” (198). This quote demonstrates how children look for mistreatment and favoritism. Children want to be cared for and treated equally which is why kids are so vigilant. The quote also specifies that step siblings tend to be more aware of how they are treated in relation to the other step children. Wallerstein and Blakeslee add, “Stepmothers who have their first child within a second marriage may push the other children away. And if the new child is indeed prettier, smarter,or more talented than the other children, parents need to do backflips to keep things fair” (320). For this reason stepparents should try not to blatantly show favoritism towards their own children, even if it’s true. Believing they are not loved as much as their step-siblings, can have a negative effect on that child. Low self-esteem and growing hatred towards their step parent and siblings are all effects that can occur by showing favoritism. Parents blame one another when extended family clearly demonstrates more affection towards one child than the other. Extended family sometimes doesn 't pay as much attention to the child if they are not blood related. Unfortunately, the lack of attention to the children who are not blood related causes parents to blame one another. Lack of respect being shown to their biological child causes parents to become angry and resentful. Susan Pacey reveals “Grandparents are powerful figures in the hierarchy of the stepfamily, and can help or hinder the couple in forming a new life together. For example, gifts or bequests made to the biological grandchildren only, when a long established stepfamily home includes step or half siblings, may prove divisive and detrimental to the stepfamily and the couple.” Parents expect one another to stand up for their kids so that the stepchildren and biological children get treated equally. Parents blame each other when being blood related affects the way the children are being treated.
Unequal punishment towards stepchildren and biological children may cause strife between parents. Stepparents sometimes unintentionally demonstrate more affection towards their own children. For this reason, step-children may become angry and complain to their biological parent. When this occurs most parents start to fight about how the children are not being treated equally. During this time, parents become more vigilant of one another when interacting with the children. This causes parents to doubt one another when their children are involved. In certain cases parents also show more leniency towards their biological children. Parents also tend to be more forgiving towards children who are biologically related to them. Unfortunately, the same does not apply to stepchildren. Step parents tend to hold a grudge towards children who are not blood related. Most stepparents also have a more difficult time forgiving children who are not biologically related to them.
Problems with the biological parent of a child may cause family issues. Parents who remarry do not always have a good relationship with their ex-husband or ex-wife. Exes can negatively impact new relationships especially when children are involved .
The biological parent of a child may become jealous of their ex husband or wife starting a new family. Claire Cartwright and Kerry Gibson note, “couples came under what could be considered severe levels of stress, often during the early stages of their relationship, because of conflict with former spouses over children’s residence and/or financial arrangements.” This quote shows how exes can stress a relationship even with the most common issues concerning their children. In certain cases, ex-husbands and ex-wives do not leave a relationship on good terms and might become jealous when their ex-spouse starts a new relationship. Parents are very protective and may become jealous of their ex-spouse raising their child with another person. Parents may also become jealous when they watch their ex-spouse remarry and raise their child with another person. Seeing a stepparent develop a relationship with their child might lead to serious jealousy. According to Philyaw and Thomas, the idea of an ex being with someone else can reopen wounds from the divorce (162). Philyaw and thomas continue by stating how Parents sometimes unwillingly pressure their kids to take sides out of jealousy (162).This act can sometimes cause the children to reject their stepparents (162). Philyaw and thomas continue by stating that experiencing an ex getting remarried can ruin any fantasy of getting their family back together, causing extreme jealousy (162).
Deciding how to discipline children in the family may cause strife between parents. Some parents do not think that stepparents should have the same authority over their children. O 'Connor reports “Stepparents who correct a stepchild from the beginning of their relationship will likely find themselves frustrated not only by the stepchilds response, but often by the lack of support from the parent as well. When a parent senses his child 's discomfort, he may get defensive for his child” (194). This quote clearly demonstrates how parents often take their childrens side. This is especially true when the conflict the child is having involves their stepparent. Although most parents don 't realize it, biological parents don 't allow stepparents the same authority over their children.
Children who enter into a blended family may develop emotional issues. Uprooting a child 's entire previous life to start a new family can cause that child serious mental and emotional issues. Children cannot always deal with the emotional toll of starting a blended family.
Children take a long time to recover from a parents divorce. starting a new family too quickly can cause a child to develop intense emotional upset. Divorce greatly affects children 's lives and adding a new family to the mix can cause the child serious psychological damage. Children need to accept things at their own pace and rushing towards a conclusion will only cause the child emotional pain. Cherlin acknowledges, Almost all children experience harmful psychological effects from parental divorce. Almost all children experience an initial period of great emotional upset following a parental separation; most return to normal development within one year or two years following the separation; and a minority of children experience some long-term psychological problems as a result of the separation (79). This quote greatly describes how every child reacts differently to their parents getting divorced. For this reason parents need to be vigilant at how children cope with their parents divorce. It is clearly demonstrated by the quote that the average child takes at least a year or two to fully heal emotionally, but that is not always the case. Until children fully accept their parents divorce they will never fully accept the idea of a blended family. Children who are rushed into a blended family may not have enough time to comprehend what 's happening. Children who are rushed into life changing situations have a hard time adapting to a new environment. Cartwright and Gibson reveal “Another father, who had re-partnered within six months of separating, had lost regular contact with his preadolescent and adolescent children.” this quote is an example of a situation that can mentally harm a child 's mind. losing a father is hard enough, but being passed up for another family is devastating. Children are already overwhelmed with the changes implemented by their parents getting divorced. If a child 's parents moves things too quickly then the children might become overwhelmed with change. The children are already wondering about why their mother and father arent together anymore on top of many other things. Wallerstein and Blakeslee commented “Since he now occupies a new role in the family, they want to know more. Will he be strict or lenient? Mean or nice? Fair or selfish? Will he help with homework? Will he get mad and yell? Will he sit at daddy’s place at dinner? Will he sleep in daddy’s bed? Does this mean Mom and Dad will never ever reconcile” (294)? This quote confirms all the questions that will be asked when parents move onto a new relationship. The difference is that when children have had enough time to process they might be more open to the information. However, if things move too fast paced for the child he or she will not be able to comprehend what 's going on. Parents need to be united in a blended family so that children cannot take advantage. Before getting remarried parents need to make sure that they are ready to move on and start over again. Parents need to take things slow when blending families so that the children are gradually able to adapt. Most importantly, children need time to adjust to situations at their own pace.
Works Cited
Caron, S. (2010, February 11). Avoiding step-parenting minefields. Retrieved December 11, 2014.
Cartwright, Claire, and Kerry Gibson. "The Effects Of Co-Parenting Relationships With Ex-Spouses On Couples In Step-Families." Family Matters 92 (2013): 18-28. Academic Search Premier. Web. 11 Dec. 2014.
Cherlin, A. (1981). Marriage, divorce, remarriage. Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press.
Coleman, Valerie Lewis. Blended Families: An Anthology. Dayton, Ohio: Pen of the Writer, 2006. Print.
Connor, Anne. (2003). The truth about stepfamilies: Real American stepfamilies speak out about what works and what doesn 't when it comes to creating a family together. New York: Marlowe.
Furrow, James, and Gail Palmer. "Efft And Blended Families: Building Bonds From The Inside Out." Journal Of Systemic Therapies 26.4 (2007): 44-58. Academic Search Premier. Web. 11 Dec. 2014.
Lebey, Barbara. Remarried with Children Ten Secrets for Successfully Blending and Extending Your Family. S.l.: Random House Group, 2004. Print
Philyaw, D., & Thomas, M. (2013). Co-parenting 101: Helping your kids thrive in two households after divorce.
Pacey, Susan. "Step Change: The Interplay Of Sexual And Parenting Problems When Couples Form Stepfamilies." Sexual & Relationship Therapy 20.3 (2005): 359-369. Academic Search Premier. Web. 11 Dec. 2014.
Wallerstein, J., & Blakeslee, S. (2003). What about the kids?: Raising your children before, during, and after divorce. New York: Hyperion.
The Negative Aspects of Blended Families
By
Thalia Campos Ribeiro English 100C
Professor Marshall
10 December 2014
Outline
Thesis: Combined marriages cause families to develop serious issues.
I. Children in blended families often disrespect the authority of stepparents.
A. Kids sometimes feel that step-parents try to replace their biological parents.
B. Some children reject stepparents to preserve the memory of their deceased biological parent.
C. Children usually realize that step-parents don 't have the same authority as their biological parents.
D. Children may wrongly perceive that they are no longer loved by their biological parents because of the new members entering the family.
II. Combined marriages cause jealousy between family members.
A. Jealousy can arise between step-siblings when a child realized that the attention will have to be divided.
B. Children may perceive their parents getting remarried is about starting a new and better family.
III. Unequal treatment of children involved in blended families cause strife between parents.
A. Disciplining children differently may cause strife between parents.
B. Stepchildren are not always treated equally to biological children.
C. Parents blame one another when extended family clearly demonstrated more affection towards one child than the
other.
D. Unequal punishment towards stepchildren and biological children may cause strife between parents.
IV. Problems with the biological parent of a child may cause family issues.
A. The biological parent of a child may become jealous of their ex husband or wife starting a new family.
B. Deciding how to discipline children in the family may cause strife between parents.
V. Children who enter into a blended family may develop emotional issues.
A. Children take a long time to mentally recover from a parents divorce.
B. Children who are rushed into a blended family may not have enough time to comprehend what 's happening.