Boundaries In Marriage, Cloud And Townsend: Theory Critique
Running Head: Theory Critique Cloud and Townsend
Theory Critique: Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend: Boundaries in Marriage
COUN 507
Diane Powel
11/25/12
Summary of Content In the book Boundaries in Marriage, Cloud and Townsend introduced a concept that will assist in maintaining a healthy marital relationship. The paper will examine the approach that Cloud and Townsend have taken, where they incorporate their theoretical perspective to a theological perspective so that the counseling session can be more effective on the success of marriage.
Cloud and Townsend indicate that all relationships must have clear boundaries set from each individual. The authors express that a marriage cannot properly flourish unless the boundaries are set. The boundaries can provide a guideline for the relationship and prevent a lot of confusion. The personal boundaries are usually formed based upon the values and beliefs of the individual. …show more content…
The authors make sure to indicate that marriage is “first and foremost about love” (Cloud &Townsend, p. 9), however that loving relationship could easily be tarnished without a complete understanding of boundaries. The presence of clear boundaries allows two vital elements in the marriage, which are freedom and responsibility. The authors believe that those two elements presence in the marriage, it voids the possibility of fear, resentment and control over the other can cause the relationship to fail. Cloud and Townsend compare a marital relationship with a relationship with God, because it is also important to have clear boundaries with God and having a positive foundation to ensure a successful marriage. It is also important to include God in the marriage because, without God nothing can survive. “ When we live free, take responsibility for our freedom, and love God and each other than life, including marriage, can be an Eden experience” ( Cloud & Townsend p.25) The boundaries should be formed in order to clarify the freedom in the relationship. The authors expressed concern about the boundaries being used for control in the relationships. The boundaries can often be misused and could cause punitive issues in the marriage. Cloud and Townsend indicate that boundaries are meant for a loving spouse to use them to help the other grow and allow the individual to take ownership of him or her own life. Cloud and Townsend offered different types of boundaries that may be utilized in the process of a forming relationship. The examples that the authors include are words, truth consequences, emotional and physical, people and time. The authors then offered some principles that should be followed while in a marriage, or there will be consequences. The authors consider the principles to be the laws of boundaries of marriage which include, “1) sowing and reaping, 2) responsibility, 3) power, 4) respect, 5) motivation, 6) evaluation, 7) proactivity, 8) envy, 9) activity, and 10) exposure” (Cloud & Townsend, 1999, pp.37-58)
Cloud and Townsend encourage individuals to seek the presence of God in every relationship.
The authors indicate that positive values and beliefs can have a major effect on the type of boundaries that are set within the relationship and how successful the relationship will be. Cloud and Townsend introduced six values that are formed through scripture, that will promote effective and positive boundaries. The six values include, “love of God, love of your spouse, honesty, faithfulness, compassion and forgiveness, and holiness” (Cloud & Townsend, 1999, p. 112) The authors also offer explanation as to how conflict can be formed in the relationship, when an individual does not allow God to have a presence in him or her life. Cloud and Townsend also described six conflicts which include, sin of the spouse, immaturity or brokenness of one person, hurt feelings that are no one’s fault, conflicting desires, desire of one person versus needs of the relationship, and known versus unknown problems. (Cloud & Townsend,
p.170)
Evaluation of Strengths and Weaknesses
Cloud and Townsend have introduced a great perspective towards strengthening the relationship in a marriage. The authors make their intentions clear in maintaining healthy relationships that can also represent the work of God. Cloud and Townsend’s approach can be easily compared to several theorists that were studies before. Dr. Wilson’s perspective on taking responsibility for one’s self and taking control of your own life and taking the steps to empowering yourself as well as the people you love. Wilson also presents the idea of establishing boundaries, where the individual us having to make decisions and create his or her own perceptions.
Cloud and Townsend also provide similar principles based upon the integration of theological and spiritual principles with the psychological approach. McMinn would support the approach of the authors due to the fact that their focus includes the main elements of “ an accurate sense of self, an accurate sense of need and healing relationships.” (McMinn, 1996) The elements for the Cloud and Townsend approach indicate that if the individuals rely on the influence of God and take the responsibility to formulate an accurate sense of self, then they will be able to maintain consistent healing relationships.
Personal Reflection and Application Cloud and Townsend’s book provided a great model of ways to maintain a healthy relationship. I really like how the authors indicate the importance of each person taking the responsibility to maintain that relationship, it forces the individual to step up and gain a sense of accomplishment once they have been able to maintain that relationship. When I read the work of Cloud and Townsend, it forced me to think about my own relationship and the things that I must take responsibility for. For example, I am in a relationship now, where at the beginning it seemed like we argued all the time. I did not think that our relationship would last and I was not sure why. We often argued over very simple things but it would just lead to a bigger argument. I then realized that one of the main issues that we had, was our lack of proper communication and boundaries. My significant other was used to handling situations a lot differently than me. He was used to yelling to get his point across, however when I am being yelled at I immediately get defensive and shut down, which has been the down fall of our relationship. We had to learn more about each other and the way we handle things in order to figure out how to communicate. We also had to work on our self internally as well, in order to be better for the other. The most important issue that we faced at the beginning was our lack of the Holy spirit in the relationship. We did not talk about our faith at all at the beginning, even though we are both Christians. We started to realize the awesome impact that the integration of God’s word was having on other relationships around us and we then knew what had to be done. We are now stronger than ever and we make sure that no matter what we always include God in our lives. We have often been taught that a family that prays together stays together.
References
McMinn, M. R. (1996).Psychology, theology, and spirituality in counseling. Carol Stream: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.
Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1999).Boundaries in marriage. Grand Rapids: Zondervan.
Wilson, S. D. (2001).Hurt people hurt people: Hope and healing for yourself and your relationships. Grand Rapids: Discovery House Publishers
Theory Critique: Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend: Boundaries in Marriage
COUN 507
Diane Powel
11/25/12
Summary of Content In the book Boundaries in Marriage, Cloud and Townsend introduced a concept that will assist in maintaining a healthy marital relationship. The paper will examine the approach that Cloud and Townsend have taken, where they incorporate their theoretical perspective to a theological perspective so that the counseling session can be more effective on the success of marriage.
Cloud and Townsend indicate that all relationships must have clear boundaries set from each individual. The authors express that a marriage cannot properly flourish unless the boundaries are set. The boundaries can provide a guideline for the relationship and prevent a lot of confusion. The personal boundaries are usually formed based upon the values and beliefs of the individual. …show more content…
The authors make sure to indicate that marriage is “first and foremost about love” (Cloud &Townsend, p. 9), however that loving relationship could easily be tarnished without a complete understanding of boundaries. The presence of clear boundaries allows two vital elements in the marriage, which are freedom and responsibility. The authors believe that those two elements presence in the marriage, it voids the possibility of fear, resentment and control over the other can cause the relationship to fail. Cloud and Townsend compare a marital relationship with a relationship with God, because it is also important to have clear boundaries with God and having a positive foundation to ensure a successful marriage. It is also important to include God in the marriage because, without God nothing can survive. “ When we live free, take responsibility for our freedom, and love God and each other than life, including marriage, can be an Eden experience” ( Cloud & Townsend p.25) The boundaries should be formed in order to clarify the freedom in the relationship. The authors expressed concern about the boundaries being used for control in the relationships. The boundaries can often be misused and could cause punitive issues in the marriage. Cloud and Townsend indicate that boundaries are meant for a loving spouse to use them to help the other grow and allow the individual to take ownership of him or her own life. Cloud and Townsend offered different types of boundaries that may be utilized in the process of a forming relationship. The examples that the authors include are words, truth consequences, emotional and physical, people and time. The authors then offered some principles that should be followed while in a marriage, or there will be consequences. The authors consider the principles to be the laws of boundaries of marriage which include, “1) sowing and reaping, 2) responsibility, 3) power, 4) respect, 5) motivation, 6) evaluation, 7) proactivity, 8) envy, 9) activity, and 10) exposure” (Cloud & Townsend, 1999, pp.37-58)
Cloud and Townsend encourage individuals to seek the presence of God in every relationship.
The authors indicate that positive values and beliefs can have a major effect on the type of boundaries that are set within the relationship and how successful the relationship will be. Cloud and Townsend introduced six values that are formed through scripture, that will promote effective and positive boundaries. The six values include, “love of God, love of your spouse, honesty, faithfulness, compassion and forgiveness, and holiness” (Cloud & Townsend, 1999, p. 112) The authors also offer explanation as to how conflict can be formed in the relationship, when an individual does not allow God to have a presence in him or her life. Cloud and Townsend also described six conflicts which include, sin of the spouse, immaturity or brokenness of one person, hurt feelings that are no one’s fault, conflicting desires, desire of one person versus needs of the relationship, and known versus unknown problems. (Cloud & Townsend,
p.170)
Evaluation of Strengths and Weaknesses
Cloud and Townsend have introduced a great perspective towards strengthening the relationship in a marriage. The authors make their intentions clear in maintaining healthy relationships that can also represent the work of God. Cloud and Townsend’s approach can be easily compared to several theorists that were studies before. Dr. Wilson’s perspective on taking responsibility for one’s self and taking control of your own life and taking the steps to empowering yourself as well as the people you love. Wilson also presents the idea of establishing boundaries, where the individual us having to make decisions and create his or her own perceptions.
Cloud and Townsend also provide similar principles based upon the integration of theological and spiritual principles with the psychological approach. McMinn would support the approach of the authors due to the fact that their focus includes the main elements of “ an accurate sense of self, an accurate sense of need and healing relationships.” (McMinn, 1996) The elements for the Cloud and Townsend approach indicate that if the individuals rely on the influence of God and take the responsibility to formulate an accurate sense of self, then they will be able to maintain consistent healing relationships.
Personal Reflection and Application Cloud and Townsend’s book provided a great model of ways to maintain a healthy relationship. I really like how the authors indicate the importance of each person taking the responsibility to maintain that relationship, it forces the individual to step up and gain a sense of accomplishment once they have been able to maintain that relationship. When I read the work of Cloud and Townsend, it forced me to think about my own relationship and the things that I must take responsibility for. For example, I am in a relationship now, where at the beginning it seemed like we argued all the time. I did not think that our relationship would last and I was not sure why. We often argued over very simple things but it would just lead to a bigger argument. I then realized that one of the main issues that we had, was our lack of proper communication and boundaries. My significant other was used to handling situations a lot differently than me. He was used to yelling to get his point across, however when I am being yelled at I immediately get defensive and shut down, which has been the down fall of our relationship. We had to learn more about each other and the way we handle things in order to figure out how to communicate. We also had to work on our self internally as well, in order to be better for the other. The most important issue that we faced at the beginning was our lack of the Holy spirit in the relationship. We did not talk about our faith at all at the beginning, even though we are both Christians. We started to realize the awesome impact that the integration of God’s word was having on other relationships around us and we then knew what had to be done. We are now stronger than ever and we make sure that no matter what we always include God in our lives. We have often been taught that a family that prays together stays together.
References
McMinn, M. R. (1996).Psychology, theology, and spirituality in counseling. Carol Stream: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.
Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1999).Boundaries in marriage. Grand Rapids: Zondervan.
Wilson, S. D. (2001).Hurt people hurt people: Hope and healing for yourself and your relationships. Grand Rapids: Discovery House Publishers