Building Relationships with Children

The way we build relationships with children and young people changes according to the age and stage of their development. Responding to a 14-year-old in the same way as a 3-year-old is obviously not going to work. Reassurance and approval are important as children are beginning to develop an awareness of themselves, and it is important that their self-concept is a positive one. Play workers give reassurance and approval by smiling, praising or simply being alongside children as they try out something new. Children are quick to sense adults who are willing to spend the time listening properly to them. In this phase of childhood, children need adults to talk, but particularly to listen to them and explore their ideas, feelings and thoughts. Reassurance and approval is important for children and it is important that, at times, this is given unconditionally, as children who learn that they are valued only if they are achieving or pleasing an adult can lose confidence. During these years, it is important that children learn that they can develop their own views and opinions and that play workers are interested in hearing them. Young people still need good relationships with adults in many ways these relationships are as important as ever because they are likely to be undergoing significant changes in their lives as well as physically growing up. They need to be able to turn to adults for advice, reassurance and understanding. Young people are quick to identify play workers who will listen to them and empathise. It is important that the play worker not dismiss young people’s problems out of hand however trivial they may seem. When young people feel that they are not being listened to, they often stop communicating altogether. This is worrying, as many young people ‘warm up’ by talking generally before deciding whether or not to talk to an adult about some deeper issues that are affecting them. Play workers can build good relationships with young people by respecting