But What Do You Mean By Deborah Tannen Summary

Can differences in communication between men and women be defined as black and white? Deborah Tannen’s essay “But What Do You Mean” divided the biggest areas of miscommunication between men and women into seven categories, three of which caught my attention for personal reasons. As examined, women have a habit of apologizing to maintain a pleasant atmosphere. Tannen expressed how men and women react to complaints, as well. Jokes were also discussed, suggesting that men razz each other to maintain a one-up position; however, women’s jokes tend to put themselves down. Regarding Tannen’s description of these three communication categories, my personal experiences fall more within a grey area rather than assigning themselves to black and white roles. Women have a pattern of apologizing to maintain a pleasant
This is not always true in my encounters. My husband often makes jokes; nevertheless, he will put himself down solely for the entertainment of others. On the other hand, I enjoy joking with friends, but not at my expense. Last April fool’s day I placed a note on the copier that said “Copier is now voice activated, please say NURSE to start coping.” Their reactions were hysterical, and furthermore I did not belittle myself. As such, depending on someone’s sense of humor, men and women will joke with one another in different styles. Tannen’s descriptions of types of miscommunications are black and white, but I believe they tend to be more of a grey area of classification. As seen in personal experiences, perhaps women do apologize a little too often. The reactions from men and women when complaining can switch between genders, as well. As discussed, men and women do not fit into one classification of what they find humorous. Overall, miscommunication is difficult to categorize with one sex or the