Chemo Case Study

So we go to see the doctor and she tells us obviously Michelle can't use that chemo anymore and she has to change it. So she decides we will stick with the first new chemo and add a similar second chemo to the one that Michelle was allergic to and that's not used much anymore but it's still a good option. I've made a decision not to go into the technical names of these Chemos because I just didn't want to go in that direction. And I can't spell them anyway or pronounce them. I certainly google them! I know way more about chemos than I ever wanted to. The big drag about this new chemo is that it's going to give her neuropathy which the last chemo wasn't going to do and that was a big issue with Michelle. Nerve pain is a bitch and she is still suffering from it six years after the last treatment.

And now we come to side effects. Chemo side effects are very very scary and completely random. Everyone is different so everyone is going to experience the side effects differently. So with this chemo besides the neuropathy, she might experience kidney damage and permanent hearing loss. What did she just say? And the other new chemo she is taking, the side effects are Peeling red hands and feet, stomach problems and terrible terrible fatigue. fatigue is the MO for both the chemos. So far she has the terrible fatigue and stomach problems. The thing that makes this so messed up is that every time Michelle feels something a little weird she just thinks it's another side effect coming on. It's really an unfortunate way to live going through this and not knowing what side effect is going to take effect when. And this new chemo is every four weeks for two short days.
So we have two more weeks before we start back. As for me I decided to try antidepressants for the first time in my life. I tried one and the side effects were horrible and I was in the middle of trying the second one when all this was going down with the allergic reaction. Let me tell you I became a mad woman! I was jumpy, I was more depressed than I was before I was nauseous every day I was losing weight, I was in a brain fog, I was a mess. I was 10 times the airhead I normally am and that is something. So I decided fuck it I'm done with this I'm done with antidepressants I'm just gonna have to get by on my own and maybe learn to meditate without judging myself. I will sit down to try to meditate and every time my mind wanders I decide that I am a failure at it. Instead of clearing my mind my mind is going 100 times a minute, I'm doing it wrong I'm doing it wrong I'm doing it wrong I'm a failure I can't do this. I'm doing it wrong. Very relaxing! As for Michelle, through the terrible fatigue she has made it to work short days and as a matter fact she wore a giraffe costume for Halloween. Her little bald head worked perfectly with the costume. So she's trying to keep her sense of humor as well.

And now I'm saving the best news for last.
With all the problems with the chemo and the fact that she only got the full dose one time out of three her tumor markers went from 50 to 18! The doctor was very very happy with that and we are really relieved that something is going right! A Very important
something!