Childhood Attachment Styles

Attachment is a long lasting emotional connection between a child and its caregiver (Berger, 2014), and it does not exist in a vacuum. In fact, a child’s attachment style has long-term impacts on how a child will one day interact with friends and even their romantic partners one day (Berger, 2014). In light of the significance of a child’s attachment style, it would seem wise to intentionally protect and nurture healthy styles of attachment. Research shows more children have healthy attachment styles than unhealthy ones, but attachment styles are never set in stone (Berger, 2014). Attachment styles are fluid and have the potential to change even into adulthood. Furthermore, research has shown traumatic events such as divorce have the potential
to shift attachment styles (Berger, 2014).
No matter one’s perspective of divorce, it is undeniable the pervasiveness of divorce in the United States. Studies have shown America leads the world in both rates of divorce and re-marriage. Furthermore, divorce’s disruption in attachment alongside its prevalence seem to make it a significant problem worth tackling (Shanksy, 2002). Through reading and researching one can conclude three specific ways divorce can disrupt attachment styles within children. The first is the disruption of parents working in tandem in rearing their child. Second, there is the change in interactions between a child and their mother. Finally, divorce seems to create an unhealthy system of confiding between mother and child.
The mother and father each serve unique roles in child-rearing (Berger, 2014).
The mother nurtures the child, creating a sense of kindness and caring. Whereas a father’s style of connection elicits laughter and independence (Berger, 2014). It appears when both parents are working in tandem it creates a sense of independence and connection. Furthermore, a child who is born into a two-parent family works towards connecting with both sets of parents (Insert Citation). However, divorce disrupts and impairs a couple’s ability to parent and the connection a child has with both parents (Shansky, 2002). Sometimes the father appears to step out of the picture and the mother takes over as sole caregiver. At other times, the parents seem to spend more time & energy fighting than on caring for their child. Altering a child’s environment in such a way has long-term effects on how a child attaches with others. Such a change doesn’t always happen immediately, but substantial research does point to children of divorce having significantly impaired attachment styles when they hit adulthood (Crowell, Trebox, & Brockmeyer,
2009).
Divorce does not only impact how parents interact with each other but also affects how parents interact with their children. In a study, Shanksy (2002) found specifically the important mother-child connection changed and caused significant stress on a majority of children. This change in interaction can be due to a couple of factors. First, Shansky (2002) noted this stress was due to a family’s degrading socio-economic status due to divorce. A family’s SES begins to degrade because of a sole breadwinner's salary being split, a breadwinner stepping out of the picture altogether, or one parent being forced to shoulder the financial responsibilities of rearing children. Finally, this change is due to higher levels of parental conflict which has the potential to spill over into parent-child interactions (Shansky, 2002).
Another change in interactions can occur between mothers and daughters in the midst of a divorce. Studies revealed mothers tend to confide more in their daughters while in the process of or soon after a divorce has been finalized (Shanksy, 2002). This confiding results in distress within the daughter; however, the mothers have no idea their confiding has any negative effect on their daughters. In fact, they believe their confiding to be strictly informational and helpful in the healing process for their daughter (Shansky, 2002). Nevertheless, daughters of said mothers express new found distress in their relationship with their mother, possibly disrupting the style of attachment the child before the divorce.
Divorce is a traumatic event which seems to disrupt how a child once experienced attachment with their parents. Whether it’s a family’s socioeconomic status changing, heightened conflict in the home, or one parent stepping out of the picture divorce can bring with it relationship altering changes which can resonate for a lifetime. Such an event seems worthy of further research and thought by therapists across the nation.
Divorce has different connotations and meanings across cultures. Individualistic cultures see divorce as a very viable option to a bad relationship (Afifi et al., 2013). However, collectivistic cultures tend to look negatively on the notion of divorce (Afifi et al., 2013). How this impacts attachment isn’t necessarily how a culture views divorce, but how a culture tends to respond as a whole to divorce.
A study of Hispanic culture revealed some interesting tendencies regarding collectivistic cultures when divorce strikes (Afifi, et al., 2013).
As mentioned before, collectivistic cultures have more conservative views regarding divorce; nevertheless, many collectivistic cultures have migrated towards more individualistic cultures (Afifi, et al., 2013). This has created an interesting dynamic where children are being raised in a macrosystem (Berger, 2014) which values things in disagreement with their host culture. Children from a collectivistic culture who grow up in an individualistic culture are impacted in many different ways, and one of those ways is in their view of divorce. In Afif, Davis, Denes, and Merrill’s (2013) study they found younger Hispanic Americans who had grown up in the United States were more likely to pursue divorce. One would guess what kind of reaction the older Hispanic American generations would have. Nevertheless, this study discovered a very different reaction than one might suppose. What was discovered was a family which embraced the family going through a divorce. Instead of viewing it as “their" divorce, Hispanic American families seemed to view the divorce as “our” divorce (Afif, et al., 2013). Instead of abandoning the family, extended family members plugged the gaps of the caregiver who stepped away because of the divorce. It appears Hispanic Americans make a concerted effort to ensure a child grows up with healthy attachments even in the
midst of a divorce.