Clean Break Speeches
Mitch,
I hope you are doing well, that you are finding joy daily and having a blast with the boys. I know breakups are never simple and that writing to you goes against everything society try's to indoctrinate saying that a clean break is best, to not analyze or speak with the other party. Well I'm not normal and I say screw the "bury your feelings deep" dogma of today's society I cannot go through life knowing that I didn't give this my all. I don't half ass anything and hope that was evident from this summer. So be it if you add me to the list of crazy ex-girlfriends.
You were right something on that California trip was off and I still can't pinpoint the exact moment when or where the disconnect occurred. Speaking personally the nervousness to …show more content…
meet your family was overwhelming and I froze up on multiple occasions. My own insecurities kept me from being open and comfortable with your beautiful & welcoming family, consequently leading me to put up a barrier as I did not want you to see how great my fears were. For that I offer you my deepest apologies. I should have expressed those concerns with you. Trusting that you would have been understanding and supportive because over the course of five months you had given me no reason to believe otherwise.
Our original plans were changed eliminating us from going out to Marks and to the beach. I was a little bummed, but all the while I was also content to sit quietly on your bed, getting lost while watching you pour yourself into psychescape or just being near you while binge watching Netflix.
The latter half of the trip you were so cold I thought your family must not like me, maybe for you the sex was subpar, or that I must not be interesting enough to even try to get to know any further. My introverted nature won out and I froze up yet again. Moreover, in those last days when you started feeling different you spent an enormous amount time on your phone rather than talking about us as a couple or what I might be feeling. You shouldn't have let me talk about nor should you agreed to future plans if you felt like this wasn't progressing. I should have spoken up, you should have spoken up. We both began shutting down.
Upon my return home, I tried to start the conversation with hope that we would discuss any awkwardness and seek out together how we would face any challenge that we were now presented with, but you had already locked me out. That was heartbreaking Mitch. I thought here we've revealed some of the most intimate parts of ourselves, beyond just sex. We had shared hopes, dreams and fears, some things I've never confided in anyone. Personally, it was not shared with selfish motivation, but in love and with the utmost trust and now you won't even speak to me.
When you finally gave your notice you did it over text. Do note that if you ever find yourself again in a position to break up with someone, don't do it via text. The experience can be likened to being stabbed in the back and then the knife run down your spine.
You finally spoke and you seemed callous and unfeeling. I understand this was likely due to you already building a defense to protect yourself from any further pain. You had taken that week to come to your own resolve while leaving me in limbo. After texting you that waiting around to hear from you was difficult your response shattered me; you said you weren't someone worth waiting around for.
Mitch you are worth waiting for. I waited 27 years before discovering the man I felt secure to be emotionally and physically raw with. You weren't some trial run for me to test out what having a boyfriend was like. I purposely walked those 27 years without any partner because no one ever challenged me or evoked the depth of happiness that you did. You are someone I want to share life with, to fight with and for.
You are an amazing man that has been crafted to create. Within you there is a deep spring where hauntingly beautiful music flows and I'm not talking about your art alone. I witnessed this bleed out of you every day since reuniting at So What.
The music within you transcends, it speaks to darkness and shatters it with light. I saw it when you chose courage to face your fears head on and continue to speak with your psychologist. In the integrity you exhibit within your craft, I saw it as you would slow dance during the marriage of notes at each set you played, In the way you are there for your band of brothers, how sensitive you were of your mom's feelings, or how you acknowledged the qualities in me that I thought were often overlooked or I was not even aware of. It's visible in the way you seek out knowledge and truth in this conflicting world that is inspiring. You see and feel what not every one is attuned to.
Mitch don't ever stop seeking and don't aim for perfection while there is so much beauty to behold in the imperfect. In the imperfect there is life, forgiveness, grace and love. While the perfect lacks all. You Mitch are an amazing while sometimes confusing soul that is completely worthwhile and I believe you have yet to scratch the surface as to where this life is going to take you. Mitchell Stark you have been set apart for something unique that has the potential to shake and shape this world we live in.
Our time together will always be looked back on with happiness. If given the chance to do it over I would still flirt with you over that damn green beanie; buy you a hundred hot chocolates giving me a reason to walk over to your table, I would still Facebook message you my number; share my thoughts and hopes with you; relive every walk we took on Warped even Wantagh. I would get secondhand smoke from all your accursed camel blues, experience the moments we spent intertwined on or beneath that sunflower blanket, and I would relive that crushing last kiss at lax where I knew deep down you were slipping away.
I would still choose you.
What hurts are the moments that may never happen, the words that may never be spoken, the love that may never be shared and the fact that you may never choose me.
That last evening on Alex's couch, I told you я тебя люблю, through the chaos and confusion of those last couple of days I still felt and meant it. Even now Mitch, I love you and I wish you the very best in life. I leave this in your hands and what you do with it is up to you.
If ever or whenever you desire to talk, fight it out or tell me off I will listen.
~Jenn~
(512)569-6025
Soundslovely23@gmail.com
1502 Ransom Street
Pflugerville, Texas 78660
Where I can be reached after January 7th 2017
Then, now, always
C/O Jennifer Brown
958 Hanover Ave
Orlando, FL 32789
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in the casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be
vulnerable
I hope you are doing well, that you are finding joy daily and having a blast with the boys. I know breakups are never simple and that writing to you goes against everything society try's to indoctrinate saying that a clean break is best, to not analyze or speak with the other party. Well I'm not normal and I say screw the "bury your feelings deep" dogma of today's society I cannot go through life knowing that I didn't give this my all. I don't half ass anything and hope that was evident from this summer. So be it if you add me to the list of crazy ex-girlfriends.
You were right something on that California trip was off and I still can't pinpoint the exact moment when or where the disconnect occurred. Speaking personally the nervousness to …show more content…
meet your family was overwhelming and I froze up on multiple occasions. My own insecurities kept me from being open and comfortable with your beautiful & welcoming family, consequently leading me to put up a barrier as I did not want you to see how great my fears were. For that I offer you my deepest apologies. I should have expressed those concerns with you. Trusting that you would have been understanding and supportive because over the course of five months you had given me no reason to believe otherwise.
Our original plans were changed eliminating us from going out to Marks and to the beach. I was a little bummed, but all the while I was also content to sit quietly on your bed, getting lost while watching you pour yourself into psychescape or just being near you while binge watching Netflix.
The latter half of the trip you were so cold I thought your family must not like me, maybe for you the sex was subpar, or that I must not be interesting enough to even try to get to know any further. My introverted nature won out and I froze up yet again. Moreover, in those last days when you started feeling different you spent an enormous amount time on your phone rather than talking about us as a couple or what I might be feeling. You shouldn't have let me talk about nor should you agreed to future plans if you felt like this wasn't progressing. I should have spoken up, you should have spoken up. We both began shutting down.
Upon my return home, I tried to start the conversation with hope that we would discuss any awkwardness and seek out together how we would face any challenge that we were now presented with, but you had already locked me out. That was heartbreaking Mitch. I thought here we've revealed some of the most intimate parts of ourselves, beyond just sex. We had shared hopes, dreams and fears, some things I've never confided in anyone. Personally, it was not shared with selfish motivation, but in love and with the utmost trust and now you won't even speak to me.
When you finally gave your notice you did it over text. Do note that if you ever find yourself again in a position to break up with someone, don't do it via text. The experience can be likened to being stabbed in the back and then the knife run down your spine.
You finally spoke and you seemed callous and unfeeling. I understand this was likely due to you already building a defense to protect yourself from any further pain. You had taken that week to come to your own resolve while leaving me in limbo. After texting you that waiting around to hear from you was difficult your response shattered me; you said you weren't someone worth waiting around for.
Mitch you are worth waiting for. I waited 27 years before discovering the man I felt secure to be emotionally and physically raw with. You weren't some trial run for me to test out what having a boyfriend was like. I purposely walked those 27 years without any partner because no one ever challenged me or evoked the depth of happiness that you did. You are someone I want to share life with, to fight with and for.
You are an amazing man that has been crafted to create. Within you there is a deep spring where hauntingly beautiful music flows and I'm not talking about your art alone. I witnessed this bleed out of you every day since reuniting at So What.
The music within you transcends, it speaks to darkness and shatters it with light. I saw it when you chose courage to face your fears head on and continue to speak with your psychologist. In the integrity you exhibit within your craft, I saw it as you would slow dance during the marriage of notes at each set you played, In the way you are there for your band of brothers, how sensitive you were of your mom's feelings, or how you acknowledged the qualities in me that I thought were often overlooked or I was not even aware of. It's visible in the way you seek out knowledge and truth in this conflicting world that is inspiring. You see and feel what not every one is attuned to.
Mitch don't ever stop seeking and don't aim for perfection while there is so much beauty to behold in the imperfect. In the imperfect there is life, forgiveness, grace and love. While the perfect lacks all. You Mitch are an amazing while sometimes confusing soul that is completely worthwhile and I believe you have yet to scratch the surface as to where this life is going to take you. Mitchell Stark you have been set apart for something unique that has the potential to shake and shape this world we live in.
Our time together will always be looked back on with happiness. If given the chance to do it over I would still flirt with you over that damn green beanie; buy you a hundred hot chocolates giving me a reason to walk over to your table, I would still Facebook message you my number; share my thoughts and hopes with you; relive every walk we took on Warped even Wantagh. I would get secondhand smoke from all your accursed camel blues, experience the moments we spent intertwined on or beneath that sunflower blanket, and I would relive that crushing last kiss at lax where I knew deep down you were slipping away.
I would still choose you.
What hurts are the moments that may never happen, the words that may never be spoken, the love that may never be shared and the fact that you may never choose me.
That last evening on Alex's couch, I told you я тебя люблю, through the chaos and confusion of those last couple of days I still felt and meant it. Even now Mitch, I love you and I wish you the very best in life. I leave this in your hands and what you do with it is up to you.
If ever or whenever you desire to talk, fight it out or tell me off I will listen.
~Jenn~
(512)569-6025
Soundslovely23@gmail.com
1502 Ransom Street
Pflugerville, Texas 78660
Where I can be reached after January 7th 2017
Then, now, always
C/O Jennifer Brown
958 Hanover Ave
Orlando, FL 32789
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in the casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be
vulnerable