Dad I M Gay Poem

"Dad, I'm gay."
The thought of actually saying the words out loud makes me shudder. "I must stand firm" I instruct myself, as the disappointed expression on his face flashes before my eyes. He will tell himself he should have been more involved. That he should have taught me to be more of a 'man'. That letting me wear my sister's dresses as a kid wasn't a good idea. He'll find convoluted ways to blame himself.
But maybe, just maybe he'll understand. He was the first man in his family to have an inter-caste love marriage, I reason. Will he look at me and see a bit of himself? Like father, like son, breaking societal norms. But he makes homophobic jokes, he makes small talk about kicking the sissies out of his workplace and he guffaws at the