Developmental Interview: Intimacy Versus Isolation

Psychology 230

Developmental Interview

The subject of my developmental interview was a twenty year old female, who thoroughly illustrated many of the concepts studied this semester during early adulthood, specifically the “social clock” and she is undoubtedly in Erikson’s theoretical stage of: Intimacy versus Isolation. (Berk, 2010)
During my interview encounter I learned that she had experienced many things in her young life that influenced her decisions to this point. Growing up in the military and living overseas afforded her unique opportunities to travel the world as a young child. She enjoyed visiting new places and living in Germany for nine years. Socially speaking, she felt for childhood the military lifestyle
put her at somewhat of a disadvantage. Living overseas presented challenges. Her parents decided for safety reasons to educate at home, and continued that process even after returning to the states. She graduated two years earlier than peers her own age. She felt that she missed out on many of the traditional social opportunities of others her age such as being in a traditional school, close friendships & lasting relationships as they moved quite often. The common saying “Here today gone tomorrow” was used to describe her relationships with others. We spent a great deal of time talking about how that affected her personally. She mentioned in the interview the “duration of a friendship was never known, and it could be quite painful as a child to make a friend and always say goodbye, so it became easier to just be lonely.” Her hobbies at the time included more self -centered activities including reading, writing, crocheting, martial arts, and soccer, but she desired more social interaction.
The military lifestyle also impacted her psychological development. With her father deployed seven times, and each deployment lasting at least one year, there was considerable stress in the family. She viewed herself as daddy’s little girl and at times felt like he abandoned her. As she grew older, she understood and even began to appreciate what he did for a living, the time apart also created a close relationship with her mother. She was the oldest child, and felt an obligation to her mother to take over as the second parent, in her teen years. Unfortunately, upon her father’s return from his last deployment he was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which brought strain to the entire family situation. This ultimately resulted in marital affairs by both parents and family discontent.
As we continued to talk, I discovered that she had physical factors that had a profound impact on the course of her life.
The soccer that was a social outlet as a young child, and a stress relief from a troubled home life, had turned into much more. At fourteen years old she was selected to be part of the United States Women’s Olympic Soccer Team, an amazing accomplishment. As training began the unthinkable happened, she was injured, and required to have a surgery that ultimately cost her chance of a lifetime. This event set the stage for a whirlwind of events. Without soccer, she was not socializing, she was not getting away from the stress at home, she was not exercising and began to gain weight, and her body image was deteriorating. Within one year her life had been turned upside down from elation to clinical depression and bulimia. At fifteen she attempted suicide. Fortunately her parents intervened and sought help, and today she describes herself as a new
person. The family is currently together but they live with awkward tension on a daily basis, something she doesn’t wish for herself. As she has watched all of this unfold, it has solidified her desire to push back her “social clock” and wait to find the right person to settle down with and to postpone having children until her thirties. She wants to experience life, after watching what can happen if you marry too young, or make poor choices.
We had the opportunity to spend approximately two hours discussing my subject’s life, thoughts and experiences.
She was very relaxed, open, and eager to communicate. With so much turmoil, I was curious to know why she was willing to share so freely and she replied by saying only that “we all come from different places, have unique things to share, and it can be therapeutic not to hide behind the skeletons.” I found my subject to be a very logical thinker, she tends to let logic guide her thoughts and emotions a very matter of fact type personality. For example, my subject is a current nursing student, a classmate of mine. I found it very interesting to discuss how we both elected nursing. While my decision was a lifelong journey, one of fulfillment and deep emotional connection, her decision was based on wanting a job with some authority, to be involved in a job sector that was secure and paid well, but that could also afford the chance to help out. She was searching for professions based on her abilities and strengths, another example of logic over emotion. Personally I feel that she is still a bit guarded from life, still searching, and still learning to be intimate not isolated. I believe throughout our entire interview a she had genuine desire present to attain financial and personal independence, find the right person to form a life commitment with and begin a family. Erikson’ theory states that an individual in this conflict stage is trying to resolve their
feelings about making a permanent commitment to an intimate partner; and that a secure identity will foster attainment of intimacy (Berk, 2010). She’s clearly in Erikson’s Intimacy versus Isolation stage of development, by verbalizing to me that she had the desire to find the right person to spend her life with, and is currently in a relationship but not at the point of long term commitment. I believe that her past influences and life experiences have pushed her “social clock”, or the “age grade expectations for life events”, back to a point where she is comfortable, and working to attain independence and vocational choice at her own pace before commitment (Berk, 2010).
Bibliography
Berk, L. E. (2010). Exploring Lifespan Development. Boston: Pearson Inc, as Ally& Bacon.