Survivors and its Impact
Sarah Stamm
Morehead State University
Abstract This paper will take a brief look at what domestic violence is, and a longer look at what impact and effects it has on those who are victims of and witnesses to domestic violence. Domestic violence has been an issue since the advent of the family unit. It has gone through history as a generally accepted practice, as an issue never to be spoken about, and is finally becoming something that the public is not only aware of, but trying to stop. Even so, there are many families who fall through the cracks, and children who become direct products as both the abused and witnesses of the abused. This paper will explore this issue by following this …show more content…
thesis: Though some children are able to rise above a violent upbringing, many children of domestic violence environments turn into abusers themselves, seek out relationships in which they can remain a victim, or cannot become adjusted and productive members of society. (The issue of nurture versus nature will not be explored, as it is a very different subject.)
Introduction
Domestic violence is a growing epidemic across the country. With the steadily declining economy, rise in unemployment rates, and all the stressors that creates domestic violence rates are rising (Buzawa, 2012). Through intervention, the spousal or partners of those who abuse can often be helped to regain a “normal” life (Loxton, 2006). However, the children involved are often not as fortunate. Though some children are able to rise above a violent upbringing, many children of domestic violence environments turn into abusers themselves, seek out relationships in which they can remain a victim, or cannot become adjusted and productive members of society. Since domestic abuse has been around since the first caveman knocked the first cavewoman over the head and drug her back to his home sweet cave, this subject is rich with research and information. Focusing on children who witness abuse/are abused and become the abuser in future relationships; the children who witness abuse/are abused and subconsciously seek out relationships in which they will continue to be abused; and finally children who grow up to only find failure after having been abused/witnesses to abuse still lends to a very full topic. To fully understand how domestic violence affects children, one must first understand what domestic violence is. DomesticViolence.org defines domestic violence as “behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other. Partners my be married or not; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated, or dating” (Creative Communications Group, 2009). This means that the violence can be physical, sexual, mental, emotional, or any other behavior that would elicit a submissive response from the victim by the abuser. For the purposes of the paper, the primary focus will remain on physical and sexual abuse.
Becoming an Abuser
Imagine a child, crouching in a corner or behind a piece of furniture, watching in silence as his mother is beaten bloody by his father every night of the week. Imagine this same child watching this behavior every week for the first six years of his life. Then imagine that once this child is big enough to ask his father to stop, he in turn is beaten bloody. He also watches as his mother lies to the police (if and when they are called to this horrific scene), lies to the hospital when her injuries are too bad to be fixed at home, and tells him to keep quiet about his father’s behavior. This is a scene that is so cliche it has become commonplace in countless television shows, books, movies, magazines, newspaper articles, and other media outlets. This child, assuming he lives through his father’s abuse, is going to grow into adulthood. He is going to date, and possibly get married. And what was his example of how a marriage works? Violence, and only violence is what kept his parents together. In another very typical (and very popularly and infinitely repeated) scene is a child who wakes up in the middle of the night to a father, mother, or other adult climbing in bed with him. He does not quite understand the acts in which he is forced to engage. The kissing is not like the kissing he does with adults in public. It does not involve small pecks on the cheek when he is under the cloud of night. The touching is uncomfortable and sometimes painful. He is made to do things that make him feel shame he does not comprehend. He is told he is loved. He is told what is being done to him is okay because it feels good. This scene is somehow sadder than the first, but is also a part of the world most want to ignore. And therein lies the problem. Children have better education about what should and should not go on in their homes than they did twenty or thirty years ago. Since domestic violence is a subject that is not as taboo as it once was, kids have the chance to see that abuse - physical and sexual both - is not what is supposed to happen to them or those they love (Bentovim, 2002). Yet, it still happens. And when it does happen, and those children grow up, they can and do become offenders themselves. An instance of child abuse is reported, on average, every ten seconds. Of those abused, four will die from abuse every day. Of those who survive, more than thirty percent will later abuse their own children and spouses/partners. And these statistics only show those cases that are known. It is estimated that the actual figures for cyclic offenders (those who abuse because they were abused) are closer to sixty and seventy percent because many cases of child abuse is unreported (Sharples, 2008). Identifying victims is often easy, but these cases go unreported regardless. And, as the world gets worse, the abuse will increase (Sharples, 2008). Other statistics show that while victims of sexual abuse do not always become pedophiles themselves, they are at increased risk to become physically abusive. The percentage of sexual cyclic abuse is actually much lower than physical cyclic abuse; it is still correlative, though (Higgs, 1992). Females are less likely to become cyclic sexual abusers than males, but are almost equally likely to become physically abusive in either case (Salter, 2003). The proof that it happens is evident. The “why” is murky, though. Some abused-turned-abusers claim they want to find some control over a life that left them feeling impotent. When power is exerted in such a negative way over these people at time when they are supposed to be learning what life is, then their moral compass becomes skewed. Others do it for a very different reason. That same moral compass is skewed, but at a different angle. These kids are supposed to be learning what love and communications are from the adults in charge of them. They end up getting beaten and raped, and that becomes the only way they know how to love. We read the way we were taught in English class. We add the way our math teachers taught us. It is only natural that we interact with those we love the way we learned from those who claimed to love us (Greenwell, 2013).
Remaining the Victim
“It honestly seems like four out of five women who walk through our doors because they are leaving an abusive partner, were also abused as children. Or, they watched their mothers get beaten by their fathers. The stories are all so similar” (Greenwell, 2013). Nationally, one of the most common factors for victims of intimate partner abuse (IPV) is that the victim was abused as a child. The correlation is unmistakeable (Abramsky, 2011). Women, especially, find a masochistic comfort in having a partner who abuses. It goes back to what Greenwell mentioned in her interview. When someone sees or feels an example of what the abuser claims is “love”, then than person can only associate being abused with love (Greenwell, 2013). It becomes habitual, and is what that victim thinks is acceptable (Abramsky, 2011). This rings true for sexual abuse, as well. A child who is sexually abused is four times more likely to enter into unhealthy sexual relationships in adulthood. The reason is because his or her first sexual experience was damaging to his or her compass of what should be accepted (Abramsky, 2011). Children who are victims of abuse and grow up remaining in a cycle of abuse called a repetition of compulsion. Women who were abused as children seek out men (or women) who are abusive because they unknowingly believe that if they make this surrogate parent figure happy they will erase the pain of childhood (Berman). Most victims never even realize (without intervention, of course), that they are stuck in this cycle. They - consciously or subconsciously - believe that if they can finally please someone without violent repercussions, they will have succeeded and finally deserve love. This almost always results in continually disappointing and unhealthy relationships; if a victim picks a person like the abuser they are really trying to please (i.e. an abusive mother or father), than that partner is going to be aggressive, violent, and still never give the unconditional love the victim so desperately seeks (Berman).
Trapped by Abuse
While the correlation between a victim staying in a repetitive compulsion is only, roughly, forty-five percent of victims and the correlation between the abused becoming the abuser is roughly one-third of victims, the correlation for the inability to become a healthy adult after being a childhood victim is almost commonplace. It has been found that eighty percent of childhood abuse victims are in the range for at least one psychiatric disorder by the age of twenty-one (Childhelp, 2013). Fewer than twenty percent of child abuse victims go on to college (if they finish high school), and this often leaves them unable to support themselves financially because of missed career opportunities. These former victims lack self-esteem, basic social skills, and an inability to maintain essential relationships. The abuse they endured has led to mistrust and fear. The ability to function in normal social situation is lost when they are incapable of making eye contact because they are in constant fear of repercussion for some imagined wrongdoing (Sugaya, 2012). Incidents of post-traumatic stress disorder, alcoholism, homelessness, suicide, and cases of runaways are higher in victims of abuse. A study has even shown that women who were the victims of childhood domestic violence are more likely to end up becoming single mothers living on welfare. The implications abuse has are far and wide (Upadrashta, 2012). Socioeconomic levels of victims often drops once they enter adulthood. Most fail classes in high school and college. They are more likely to become petty criminals (Sugaya, 2012). Studies have shown that two-thirds of people in substance abuse programs are victims of childhood abuse (SafeHorizon, 2013). This victims are more likely practice or participate in unsafe sexual situations and are more likely to contract a sexually-transmitted disease. These victims are also more likely to have unwanted pregancies (ChildHelp, 2013). They live with a constant feeling of guilt, even though they rarely have any true reason for said guilt (Upadrashta, 2012). All these effects of childhood abuse prevent these individuals from becoming functioning members of society. A lack of self-esteem will engender a sense of never being able to accomplish even the smallest goals. Alcoholism and other substance abuse will lead to more serious health problems or death. Mental illness and psychiatric disorders (especially when untreated, as most of these are [Loxton, 2006]), lead to a basic inability to live. The constant guilt that follows these victims makes for poor decision-making skills and a sense of impotency. Plagued with all these issues, it is not a wonder that the suicide rate for former victims is extremely high (ChildHelp, 2013).
Conclusion, Discussion, and Analysis
Victims of domestic violence often become offenders of domestic violence in adulthood.
Victims of domestic violence more often get stuck in a cycle of repetitive compulsion. Victims of domestic violence most often have mental, emotional, physical, and behavioral scars that are too deep to heal without intervention; scars that prevent them from living happily. It is true that children who are beaten or witness domestic violence can grow up and lead successful, productive lives. They can even become wonderful parents and partners. However, that is not the norm. There are cases that end in “happily ever after”, but those are the exceptions to the rules. Society, especially in this nation, is slowly turning to face the problems of domestic violence, but that was not always the case. It, just as few as fifty years ago, was perfectly acceptable for a man to beat his wife or children as a form of discipline. The system that watches out for child victims is also over-worked, under-funded, and weary of heart. Too often case workers will remove a child from a dangerous situation, only to watch that child go right back into that situation. Or worse, to get lost and become a new kind of victim-- a victim of the …show more content…
system. There is also the problem of culture and religion. Many cultures and religions still hold fast to archaic beliefs that a man is in charge, and does as he sees fit. Abuse is hardwired into the systems of these family members and they not only accept it, but believe it is the only way to function as a family unit. Education within the school system and community system is improving, but can not trump freedom of belief. It is a sad fact that domestic violence is an increasing instead of dwindling, problem. It is an even sadder fact that abuse does not stop when a child leaves the house. The scars made on the body may heal, but the instinct to flinch when touched is a scar that will never leave the mind or soul. Learning that love comes in the form of forced sex or a fist to the face is a lesson that is difficult to unlearn. Those who bear these scars and learn these lessons will never recoup what they have lost. They will continue the cycle of violence in many ways. The most common are the ones presented here: by becoming the abuser; by getting stuck in a repetitive compulsion; or by living out their abuse in fear, disorder, and mistrust. The impotency forced on these people as children will have an eternal effect.
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