Echo Monologue

If only my heart could talk, like really communicating one-on-one with me, I would not be bothered to swim so deeply in the sea of my heart that all I could hear is nothing but an echo. Just to find one simple understanding about myself, well, it would not be as hard as it seems, could not figure it out what or who I wanted in life for way too long and now I am so bloody curious about the way my heart processed every single breath that I wasted since then.
All I know I adored too much to be blinded with my own light. Surprisingly, I found some stuff on my diary recently and I got this “I’ve done my best to get to know him for 2 years, but the more I get to know him the more I realize that I know nothing about him; he’s a perfect stranger, however
I can’t get enough of him. By the way I gotta tell you that the person I’m talking about here is definitely not my ex. He’s a different person. With a different character, he’s just so mysterious, he doesn’t talk too much at school, he’s somewhat become talkative when he’s with his buddies that curious me so damn much. He’s good looking I should say but it’s not the reason why I like him. I’m not sure to tell you this but he and I are like flirting each other every single time we meet, it all started when I was in second year in my high school of course I couldn’t hide this so I told one of my friends a year ago about him and my friend noticed that all I said was true, it’s true that he’s staring at me, he doesn’t do it to all girl but me, this is the reason I like him. “
Wow it’s so much to take, now it’s been 3 years and a few months after those days, did I observe him like some kind of a Sherlock-Holmes-like, the famous fictive detective and noted every single movement he made? I am holding a burst of laughter right now, I am laughing at my own misery. I was a fool, wasn’t it? Here I got nothing from those years of praying while keeping my hopes up. What a Pathetic freak I was.
I was slapped by the reality.
Once, I read a quote saying that,” there’s always a reason of your meeting with someone, either to be with him or to learn from him.” Dear reader, “why chasing so hard if God has a much better future for you?” From those times my prayers seemed granted, I was never meant for him for he did not make his way back to me but even farer than before. Unexpectedly, later I was surprised I also pointed another name in my diary, so distinct, as unclear as an echo you were there from the very beginning, the difference is you were somewhat an annoying person, you always mocked me, teased me and was there every time I was alone in the back of my chair, hid away from the crowd, I did not even realize how much you showed that you cared about me, you are a good friend of mine indeed, how can someone like you is detested by others? It’s nearly impossible for you to get that harsh attitude from one, I believe. No wonder you have many pals who got your back when you are in need of help, and as I feel that thing too, I have the urge that losing you might be one of the scariest things ever. Later, the echo somehow became stronger, it’s no longer an echo, it’s a loud calling from out of nowhere, as soon as I reached back just to say hi as a friend, we got closer and you know what, instead of choosing either be with him or learn from him, both are in the palm of my hands now, my echo, my light, you are in every chapter of my diary always. As I am writing this, I am
contemplating how we used to be when we were younger.
The bottom line is to know either what or who you crave for, open your eyes wider! Never ignore the echo in your heart because when it becomes a loud calling someday, you will never know that it is the reason why you smile right now xo