Flesh, Flesh, You Are Fishified

Has anyone ever insulted you and you hadn’t had a comeback? Personally, I always answer and it’s only a matter of how stupid I sound when I do. A few weeks ago, under the persistent “inclination” of a friend, I was convinced to read a Shakespeare play, more specifically, Much Ado About Nothing, which in my opinion is one of his best comedies. Now, after a bit of research, I have a jam-packed arsenal of witty insults and comebacks, derived from a variety of his plays, like comedies, dramas, and romances. You’ll have to explain a few, but they come in all shapes and sizes, and are really fun to say. I hope by the end of this, I have convinced you that you too need a creative pack of Shakespearian insults.
Firstly, probably no one will understand them. What’s funnier than an insult, you may ask? It’s when the person doesn’t even realize they have been insulted. If you want something that is subtle, you can use, “You have a February face” which means you have a miserable face. Or if you want one a little less so, there is, “There is small choice in rotten apples” which is pretty self explanatory, I’d say. If you tell your friends the meaning, they can laugh along with you, or use it themselves, creating fun inside jokes.
Moreover, they come for all occasions. Many mundane comebacks sound out of place when used in context. If you are being told to shut up, per say, you could retort, “’Tis no matter. I shall speak as much wit as thou afterwards” meaning they are not sarcastic or smart. If someone is being rude about you, here’s another one, “Your abilities are too infant-like to do much alone” which basically compares them to a baby. As you can probably tell, Shakespeare seemed to like to insult people’s intelligence.
Most importantly, the main reason to use Shakespearian insults is because they sound cool. They original, numerous and easily found. I adore using them in everyday life, mostly because of the way they roll off your tongue. There’s a reason why