Highschool Turning Points

As children, our view on the world and how it works is drastically different from our views now. We have grown, matured and lived. We now know that there is more to life than the perfect scenarios we see in movies. In life there is sorrow, rage, fear but there is also joy, lightheartedness and merriment. We come across many turning points in our lives, whether they were major or minor points we learn from them nonetheless. For instance, one minor turning point occurred in my second year of highschool. I realized that the way my life unfolds will depend on how much work and effort I was willing to put into the most critical years of my highschool career. One of my more major turning points, however, was when I finally realized that suicide will not resolve the problems in my life, it would only bring devastation to my loved ones. My failed suicide attempt helped me realize that life will always have low and high points, but ending my life will only rob me from experiencing the good in life. One would never expect a freshman to have many problems in life. Ideally the first year of highschool usually includes self
actualization, and the close friendships that last a lifetime. My first year in high school would not be described as ideal, in fact I consider that time period the beginning of my suicidal thoughts. In the eyes of my parents there was not much I did correctly, they constantly told me I was not working as hard as I could. My parents were only pushing me harder because they wanted my performance to be better. However, as they continued to point out that I was not doing ‘good enough’ I began to believe that there was nothing I could do to be the perfect daughter my parents wanted. Once I began believing this, self-hatred began to grow within me. The self-hatred slowly destroyed my motivation and outlook in life, at this point life seemed completely meaningless. This self-hatred led me to attempt suicide. As I laid there sensing my consciousness slipping away, I contemplated how my family would cope and how life would continue without me. The sense of guilt overwhelmed me and I let the tears stream down my face, I mentally apologized to my family for once again failing them. I did not believe I would wake up again, but I did. Waking up I felt a sense of guilt but I also believed I woke up to a second chance. Ultimately this experience revealed that suicide is a permanent decision to a temporary problem.
I now know that suicide will only bring pain and devastation to my family and loved ones. In addition I now realize that my problems are temporary, my parents are only pushing me because they want me to be the best I could possibly be. My parents will not always be around to push me, eventually I will have to learn to push myself. In this world we only receive one life and we must be prepared for the difficult moments to get to the enjoyable moments in life. The meaning of life is constantly changing, but for now I am working toward becoming a person that my family and I will be proud of. In my life I will continue to experience self-doubt but I cannot allow myself to resort to suicide again, because then I really would be failing my family and
myself.