Homegoing Celebration of My Twin Brother

On September “99” My twin brother Michael A. Bates died in my arms at the age of seventeen. I had a dream the night before that something bad was going to happen to my brother, but when I woke up the next day and went into his room he was laying there; so I didn't pay my dream any attention. Later on that evening my brother and I had made plans to go out to a couple of parties. Unfortunately we didn't make it out because my brothers live was taken to street violence. My brother was robbed by a group of young men. In the mist of the robbery my brother tried to defend himself and the young man shot my brother. I was thankful that my life wasn’t taken but for my twin brother to die in my arms is a feeling that words could never explain. This occurred with no preparation. I can honestly say I experienced so many emotions that until this day I can not recall to describe. When I try to remember what happened that night my memories are all over because it was such a negative night. A lot of my memory is not accurate because I've learned that we tend to cope with present problems by reconstructing the past. - By changing our memories of our emotions. “For instance after going through a painful experience people resort that they have gained wisdom or insight: To feel better about the event, they disparage their wisdom or insight before the event, remembering it as less than it really was (McFarland & Alvaro, 2000).” It was very painful for me to deal with. It's like the only time we as individuals can remember negative things are when we are in a negative situation.

The effect that this event has had on my subjective well-being is that this psychological trauma oriented experience has given me such determination in life and a defined survival mentality. It has changed my perception on life. As I develop more as an adult I choose friends wisely as well as host of defense mechanism because how does one heal from such a painful event.

Alcoholism is a genetic trait that I inherited. .As a result of trying to cope with my twin brother death I began to drink heavily. I would drink myself to sleep. I started living such an abnormal lifestyle that I thought that drinking my life away was acceptable. Eventually, I saw that the drinking was a temporary escape from the realities of my life. This event had such a negative impact that I started acting up in high school and had to go to adult continuation school so that I could get my high school diploma. I was in complete denial that my twin brother life was taken and in reality he's not coming back. I soon started to want to place blame on all of our mutual friends. I started hanging with people that was not out for my best interest. I didn’t want to be at home because all I could do is think of my twin brother when I walked pass his room. I ended up having to move with my aunt who is a pastor to try to take some time to actually grieve and try to get a hold of my life. I would have dreams of myself ending up dying just like my brother if I didn’t change the path I was going. I was incapable of filling this void positivity on my own. I knew I needed some help. I went to my mother and asked her for help. While talking to my mother I explained to her that I'm not doing well and I'm tried of hurting the people that love me. That is when my mother suggested I needed to go see a psychologist for therapy. That was the best thing ever because I was going through so much stress. I needed to talk to someone who was not going to judge me and it is their profession. I learned so much from counseling that it encouraged me to start going to AA meetings to get some help with my drinking problems. I went to my pastor to ask him from some guidance. My pastor helped me a great deal; he prayed a lot with me: put me all kinds of church activities and I even got baptize. That was the best thing I could have done for my life. It took the strength of allowing time and a counselor to help heal me. I can not say I'm healed completely because everyday is a challenge. There are always reminders of my brother as I continue to live. I now can say I know it’s nothing wrong with feeling empty inside and that with time emotional wounds do heal.