How I Straighten My Hair

Because in a sea of boring straight hair, something needs to create commotion.

It wasn't always like this though, I was embarassed of my naturality. I dreamt of waking up with straight waves and hair that didn't frizz up at the slightest percentage of humidity.

I was that girl that would stay awake until 2AM to straighten my hair for school the next day, only to come face first with 8 hours of discomfort from having to avoid any sort of water. You speak to me with a little spit in your mouth and I'll run away faster than you can imagine just to avoid having my hair disobey me more than it did this morning at the bus stop. Wind, not a friend. Water, not a friend. Personality, not a friend. I would straighten my hair to pretend to be some well behaved, tamed, being, to fit into my cookie cutter Connectictut lifestyle. I did it because I felt prettier. I felt as though with curly hair I was a disturbance to the entire classroom, like the lion that had too much prescence. Like the beast that was untamed.

I wore my hair straight to feel more "American," more white.
As I tried to straighten out every bit of my personality with a foreign flat iron, the power blew out, and par contre, blew up my expectations of beauty. I was no longer able to escape myself. I had to wear my hair curly for the remainder of four month study abroad experience, beause I guess my personality was too big for their voltage capacities. So because of necessity, and fate, I stopped straightening out my genuine being. I stopped trying to compress it all in flat chunks of hair. I could no longer burn out my anxiety to feel different. I lost my ability to blend