Johnny Rosselli: Gangster Al Capone

Based on true events the series centers on the life of mobster, Johnny Rosselli and his association with notorious gangster Al Capone.

BRIEF SYNOPSIS
It’s 1922 Boston and FILIPPO SACCO (aka Johnny, 17) lives with his mother, MARIA SACCO, his siblings, and abusive LIBERATO CIANCIULLI (56). Filippo delivers milk. His life changes when SARRO VACCARRO (23) a gangster, hires Filippo to deliver “medicine”. Detectives watch him. The detectives want supplier Vaccarro. A junkie, FISHER, snitches them out. Vaccarro kills Fisher in front of Filippo. They aren’t aware that there’s a witness who sees them leaving the murder scene.
Vaccarro tells Filippo they need to leave Boston. Filippo is conflicted. It means leaving his mother, but he has no choice.
Before he leaves, Cianciulli pays Filippo to burn his house down so that he can collect the insurance. Filippo agrees, but at the house he knocks Cianciulli out and burns the house down with him inside.
Filippo changes his name to Johnny Stewart.
Johnny and Vaccarro hook up with mobster, FRANKIE YALE. Frankie likes Johnny and decides to send him to Chicago to work with the notorious mobster, AL CAPONE. His life will never be the same.

STORY COMMENTS
THE JOHNNY ROSSELLI STORY is a proposed one-hour dramatic, crime TV pilot. It’s based on a real-life character. The pilot’s tone is dramatic and the structure is divided into several acts. The series centers on the world of mobsters and organized crime.
Given the success of shows like THE SOPRANOS, THE UNTOUCHABLES, and INSIDE THE AMERICAN MOB, along with classic mobster films there’s always room for another successful series. The main hook is that mobster works with Al Capone.
The series is considered an open-ended or continuous series, in which the storylines continue from week to week. The pilot presents with intriguing characters that feel castable.
The setting feels authentic.
The story opens with a teaser when Johnny is an elderly man. Unfortunately, this isn’t the most engaging of openings. It doesn’t immediately hook the audience. Consider an opening that really stands out, and sets the tone. The objective is to hook the audience and prevent them from changing the
channel.
The acts also need to end on higher tension.
Consider the end of an act as if it’s a commercial break, so again, the objective is to end an act on tension or suspense to entice the audience to stay with the show.
The ending is also very mild and doesn’t have a powerful punch that it needs.
Re-examine the tone. Overall, the pilot can present with a gritty and more violent tone and pitch. Establish this early.
The pilot outlines Johnny’s rise in the criminal world and eventually ends with him joining Al Capone. While the current series of events are well written, the main concern about the structure is that the most interesting element of the pilot is the idea of Johnny joining Capone. Thus, consider enhancing the pace and restructuring the pilot to get to the hook much sooner. The audience is more interested in him working wit Capone. Show the producers what the series is really going to look like.
So, the opening could be with Johnny killing someone, which is his motivation for leaving town.
Also, consider the idea of creating more of a goal in the pilot. Like transporting a shipment etc. This will give the pilot more focus. Remember to escalate the tension as the structure
progresses.
So, maybe enhance the idea of him leaving town and going to work with Capone, and then maybe there’s a rat in Capone’s organization (vs. the current storyline regarding the home local town snitch/Fisher).
Also, expand Johnny’s world. His relationship with his mother is well developed, but explore a bit more of his personal side or his love life.
Currently in the series, besides his mother, there’s no strong female role. This will be crucial to a long-term TV series.
Johnny is likable. He’s flawed, but the pilot does a good job of showing two sides to his personality. One is the devoted son, who gives his money to his mother and the other is the rising mobster star. He begins a bit innocent, which is a little challenging to believe that he doesn’t really understand what he’s delivering (“medicine”).
As he gets deeper into the criminal world, it’s nice to see him become cocky and self-assured. His wit and bravado is well appreciated.
Regardless of Johnny’s flaws, one roots for him. He presents with inner conflict regarding his father, mother, and family. Make him as complex as he can be regarding the contradiction of both of his worlds. He has to believe that what he’s doing is for the right reasons.
His scenes with Frankie and Capone are nice as they all share good chemistry.
It also may benefit the script, if restructured, to have a consistent nemesis after Johnny to elevate the tension.
Remember too, the series’ world has to be expanded. It’s not only about Johnny, but also maybe about the detective who’s after him. Decide who the main supporting characters are and show the audience their world too. Maybe there’s a rival family or the hijackers.
Consider showing us more of Vaccarro’s life if he’s going to be a regular cast member. Select the supporting cast and expand their world.
A successful series is dependent on the relationships between characters. Only focusing on Johnny is too narrow.
The dialogue reveals information about plot and about the characters. Again, it can be elevate to contain more cursing. Highlights and more specific notes:

Consider a teaser and end each act on high tension. For example, act one, two and three end on little tension.
Create a stronger opening that really sets the tone for the series.
Consider moving up the hook regarding Al Capone.
Create a “goal” for the pilot, something that has to be accomplished.
In the current structure, the transition to the speedboat scene feels disjointed. It a good scene, but not well set up.
Elevate the tone to be grittier.
Consider the supporting cast and expand their worlds (Capone, Nitti, Accardo, and Ricca etc.).
Accardo seems to be a personal nemesis within the organization, maybe add a twist. Maybe he’s a traitor and working with a rival gang.
Also, consider the idea of a law enforcement cast member after Johnny etc.
Consider adding a female character that is prominent in the series besides his mother.
End the pilot show on higher tension.
On page 6, there’s a repeated action description regarding a car stopping and men getting out holding guns and walking towards Johnny’s car.
Keep the names consistent. On pages 9 & 25 Johnny vs. Filippo.
On page 10, Tony (19) is introduced twice.
On page 18, typo: should be “You the new kid?” (Not they).
May want to show the witness watching Johnny and Vaccarro leaving Fisher’s apartment.
Also, the name Rosselli is spelled two different ways (Roselli).
On page 26, can be more visual regarding Filippo/Johnny being “uncomfortable.” What does this look like visually?
Also, on page 29, Filippo struggles with his decision. How will the audience understand he struggles? Has to be visual or in dialogue.

SUMMARY & MARKETABILITY
The roles feel castable. They are potentially complex.
The pilot’s storyline needs to be a bit more goal-focused.
Move up the hook with Al Capone.
Focus on the cast and establish their worlds.
Add a female cast member.
Elevate the tension/gritty tone.
End acts on stronger tension.
Base on real life character makes the show more engaging.
One can see this as a long-term series, but it would help to elevate the tension in the pilot and give the audience a stronger hint on what the show will look like.