Koi Fish, Meditation, and Ghosts

Koi Fish, Meditation, and Ghosts

Koi fish has always fascinated me – there is something calming about their simple existence. I am reminded of the meditative state of mind aimed for in Zen, where thoughts, feelings, and sensations are allowed to come and go as they please while the source of our attention is firmly anchored within itself – in the breath, in the moment – immersed in the physiological sensory experience yet removed from it. Somehow the elegantly lazy movements of the koi fish bring me back to this experience.

I am also reminded of what gets in the way of this experience, the unfinished business of our pasts that no matter how hard we try to shrug it off, insists on invading our minds. In my experience, the only way to resolve these ghosts of the past is to face them squarely. No amount of “pray it away” or meditation will put the ghosts to rest. Ghosts must be faced.

My own meditative experiences became qualitatively different – deeper, fuller, more vital – after I stopped trying to shrug off the unwelcome visitors of the mind. A brief, dynamic model of psychotherapy was the way to go for me. This combination of meditative practice and effective, evidence-based psychotherapy is powerful. Resolving conflicts from my past freed up my attention so I could stay present and deepen my meditation practice. This freeing up of my attention has also served me in my academic and professional pursuits, and my overall energy is better.

My own meditation practice follows these steps:

1. Sit comfortably with back straight, hipbones higher than knees.
2. Attend to the breath, especially exhalations
3. When thoughts pull on the attention, gently return it to the breath
4. When thoughts have settled and concentration is on breath for a good 5 minutes, just attend to whatever arises in the experience with a kind, curious attention
5. If painful feelings or sensations come up, such as boredom, restlessness, or anxiety, place attention on these sensations – become one with them, and in the act let them pass through you.
6. Return to experience of breath, body, and the dominant element of the experience

It’s been over 10 years since I first picked up meditation. The koi fish always bring me back to the need for continued meditative practice.

-- Johannes Kieding, MSW