lying in relationships

From a young age we are taught that lying is wrong and that the truth always prevails. So why do so many of us lie in romantic relationships? There are multiple studies that try to answer this exact question, and try to uncover the psychological consequences for both the person committing deceit and for the relationship they are in. In this essay, I will be examining these different studies, and talking about the reasons behind lying, and the effect of it.

So why lie? Most people will answer that question by saying that they only lie to protect their loved ones, or to protect them-selves. But that is just the tip of the iceberg. As Oscar Wilde once said, “When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one’s self, and one always ends by deceiving others.” Basically, what he is saying is that we hold an unrealistic notion towards what exactly love is, and so often our expectations do not meet reality. This is one of the major reasons for why people in love lie to each other, to maintain a sense of ‘magic’ in their lives. For instance, take the couple that are just starting to date. Both parties want to appear attractive to the other, and so put on an act of sorts to try and paint a picture of themselves that they think the other will appreciate. A lot of women try to do this, more so than men due to the fact that media basically paints a picture of the ‘perfect woman’. This woman fits the criteria of young, fit, beautiful, social, smart and in demand. Basically, someone a man would love to be with. So, this young woman that is going on a date pretends that she is into sports, goes to the gym frequently, goes to a lot of parties, has a busy schedule and more just because she feels this makes her more eligible to the young man taking her out. Now, this usually doesn’t work out as eventually the man finds out that the woman lied to him and so the relationship ends, but people continue to do this purely because of our overly zealous expectations.

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