Male And Female Communication
Male and Female Communication: Differences Worth Noting
REVIEWED JUL 12, 2013
SUMMARY
Women want intimacy in conversation, to feel connected to others.
Men want to give information while remaining independent of the other party.
Male or female, we all have the same basic human need to be understood by others, to communicate. One trait that can greatly influence the way we communicate is our sex. We may not agree with every theory of the differences between male and female communication, but we do notice some differences in the sexes when it’s time to talk, don’t we?
What follows might help us grow more aware of these differences and understand the opposite sex a little better.
“Report” versus “rapport”
Deborah Tannen, linguistics professor and author of You Just Don’t Understand, believes that men and women differ in the focus, or driving force, behind their communication. According to Tannen, men converse with a focus on achieving social status and avoiding failure, while women focus on achieving personal connection and avoiding social isolation. Men want to report, women want rapport. Not that men don’t value involvement or women status, but these aren’t as important for either.
Tannen offers these descriptions—see if any of these fit you and others you know:
Women desire intimacy in conversation, to feel connected to others.
Men desire to give information while remaining independent of the other party.
Women try to avoid the appearance of “superiority.”
Men are comfortable telling others what to do and appearing “superior.”
Women want to reach consensus and consult with others before deciding.
Men want to get straight to the bottom line and choose without consulting.
Women communicate to build relationships.
Men communicate to give information, solve problems and show expertise.
Neither focus is better or more correct than the other. It’s just the underlying motives that differ. As an example of “report versus rapport,” a woman, upon hearing bad news from a
REVIEWED JUL 12, 2013
SUMMARY
Women want intimacy in conversation, to feel connected to others.
Men want to give information while remaining independent of the other party.
Male or female, we all have the same basic human need to be understood by others, to communicate. One trait that can greatly influence the way we communicate is our sex. We may not agree with every theory of the differences between male and female communication, but we do notice some differences in the sexes when it’s time to talk, don’t we?
What follows might help us grow more aware of these differences and understand the opposite sex a little better.
“Report” versus “rapport”
Deborah Tannen, linguistics professor and author of You Just Don’t Understand, believes that men and women differ in the focus, or driving force, behind their communication. According to Tannen, men converse with a focus on achieving social status and avoiding failure, while women focus on achieving personal connection and avoiding social isolation. Men want to report, women want rapport. Not that men don’t value involvement or women status, but these aren’t as important for either.
Tannen offers these descriptions—see if any of these fit you and others you know:
Women desire intimacy in conversation, to feel connected to others.
Men desire to give information while remaining independent of the other party.
Women try to avoid the appearance of “superiority.”
Men are comfortable telling others what to do and appearing “superior.”
Women want to reach consensus and consult with others before deciding.
Men want to get straight to the bottom line and choose without consulting.
Women communicate to build relationships.
Men communicate to give information, solve problems and show expertise.
Neither focus is better or more correct than the other. It’s just the underlying motives that differ. As an example of “report versus rapport,” a woman, upon hearing bad news from a