Moo Man Analysis

Moo Man

Our story begins with a nerd named Eugene, but Eugene wasn't your ordinary nerd. He had a strange obsession. Cows… When I say obsession, I mean an OBSESSION. He had cow sheets, cow blankets,cow alarm clocks,cow clothes,cow bobbleheads, and he LOVED all dairy products,and the worst one of all, a cow named Bessie. At college, Eugene studied genetics and chemistry and was also bullied for being a so called “half breed”. He was hit, cursed at, and every other terrible thing that could happen to a kid. Earlier, I mentioned that Eugene had a cow named Bessie, who he believed understood him more than any human would. Recently Betsie became extremely ill. With Betsie being his only friend, he had to find a cure. He tried to take her to
a hospital, but turns out not many people on campus knew a lot about cows nor were they willing to help someone like Eugine. So he did the only thing he knew how to do. He took some of her DNA and experimented he ran it through a series of tests. It took him several hours and lots of Red Bull. When on the brink of finding a cure, Eugene got a call. Betsie died. Eugene was so frustrated he threw the vial and it splattered all over his foot...Stupid move Eugine.

The next day Eugene woke up to a surprise. A white liquid all over him. It was milk! Scared, Eugene ran over to the mirror and lifted up his shirt. He passed out at the sight of six udders. He woke up and had the face of a cow. He passed out again. He woke up and everything was back to normal. “It was all a dream!,” Eugene said. Oh how wrong he was…

He goes down to his dining hall and gets the usual. A hot dog and two cartons of milk. He sits by himself as usual and ponders the events that have just occured.After gobbling up the hot dog and guzzling the milk, he pats his stomach and almost screams. Six udders again! Finally it clicks. “The vial from yesterday!,” says Eugene. Eugene runs to the bathroom terrified of what would happen if people saw him. He refuses to accept it. The vial made him lactose-intolerant. He sits on the toilet and cries. The thinks to himself, “This is the worst thing that could ever happen!” Then finally he does it...he poops. Eugene thinks for a long time and comes to the conclusion that he will use his powers for good and to save cows all around the world like Bessie. She was the only person who understood differences and vowed to make sure no one ever felt like he did again.
After discovering his powers, and coming up with a dank name Moo Man vowed that he would save any and all cows that needed his help. He knew this was what he needed to make a change, now he REALLY was a “halfbreed”. He did not save just cows though. He wanted to save humans too. Even though they treated him so terribly. When Eugine wasn't drinking milk, he was just Eugine. When he was, however, he was a crime fighting cow man. Then after a long day of fighting he returned to the toilet, after all he was lactose-intolerant. Then he did his homework and went to bed. This cycle repeated for about a month. Then it happened, a mass disappearance of cows!!! Eugene drank his milk and went to investigate. He found large crop circles at Happy Oaks farm, the one who had the disappearances. He walked around with the recently discovered bell flashlight around his neck. He takes a few samples and heads back to his lab. He visits several farms one of which belongs to his cousin Red. He is almost spotted but vanishes quickly into a herd of cows. At this farm he discovers a strange blue glowing stone, it shimmers like the sun off of a pond would. There is a blatantly out of place circle on the stone and Eugine presses it. It was followed by a blinding flash and a black out. He falls over and a mysterious light carried him into a saucer like ship. He and the ship then disappear within the blink of an eye.

He wakes to a blurry figure asking him a series of questions.
He asks, “Where did you get your powers?” Not knowing how to answer he says nothing. The alien smacks him. He then squirts milk into the alien's eye. The alien then punches him in the udder. He lets out a cry of agony. He is then escorted to a holding chamber. He is served milk and soup daily. Eugene remembers why he was here to begin with and asks the alien guard where the cows are. He says, “They were experimented on,” after a long pause he adds “and killed.” This made Eugine
sick.

He lays down and hears a voice from the cell next to him. She intrododuces herself as Cortona, an alien. Eugine then introduces himself and they became friends. He tells her about how he was treated on Earth and how he did not really have a family, she then tells him that SHE will be his family. Eventually they fell in love, and after two weeks of planning, Eugine thinks he has a plan to get them both out of the prison. He violently squirts the guard while he is bringing him his food and takes the keys. Jumbled and nervous he finds the correct key, and he lets himself and Cortona out. He runs into some more guards but he takes them out easily. Two squirts of the udder and a two piece from the hoof. They then jump out of the ship to the planet below, which thankfully was only a few feet.

Moo Man and Cortona, landed on the planet below them.
A large group of aliens surround Moo Man, unaware of what he is. The aliens speaks to him in a language he is unaware of. Suddenly he transforms back into Eugene and farts. He has Cortona ask the aliens to show him where the bathroom was. They escort him to the restroom, and the aliens wait outside. They hear a rumble. Eugenie had farted. All the aliens run home scared and unable to bear the stench. When Eugene goes outside, the aliens peek out from their houses. They proceed to escort him to a big castle and put him on a throne. The aliens have named him their king! He asks the aliens to bring him a cup of milk. Cortona translates. They bring him a glass of space cow milk. He drinks it and starts to transform. Not into an ordinary cow though. A space cow, as of he already wasnt different enough… They bring him multiple offerings hoping he wouldn't hurt them. He has Cortona explain to them he wouldn't hurt them. Then there's another rumble. This time it's not Eugine, Thank God! It is another space
ship.

A large alien comes out and asks to see Moo Man. He does as the alien asks and comes out. The alien shows him a paper that states that he has to bring Moo Man back to Earth. Eugine hesitates to leave his alien friends and Cortona. The aliens says that he could take Cortona to Earth with him but the aliens have to stay. Moo Man agrees and boards the ship. They blast off and set for their destination. Earth.
When he arrives to Earth everything seems normal, after all the previous events happened light years away. Eugine talks to a reporter about everything that has happened and she prints the article, including many pictures of Moo Man and Cortana to catch the reader's attention, which it does. People come to love Moo Man and Cortana. Many of the kids who used to bully him came to him and apologized, some out of fear, others genuine. Eugine continued to go about his life and finish college earning his Master's Degree. He stays away from milk unless needed. He and his new wife Cortana have three not so beautiful kids, but in his eyes they are perfect. He continues his life finally feeling accepted, finally having a family, and finally happy.