My Son Monologue

Yes, yes. That’s my son.

That...was my son.

And I’ll tell you now, because I know you are going to ask. I don’t know why. Do you hear me? I don’t know why he did it.

I don’t know why.

He was my son.

I don’t know why he did it, but I think...I think that I saw it coming. Not like, I knew for sure he was gonna...do what he did. He saw a therapist, every Tuesday. And she used to tell me some...some messed up things.

He never really liked people. Was always anti-social. Always a little sad and I don’t know why. He was my son, I didn’t want him to be sad. I tried to ask him about it, tried to, to, uh, push him to do things that would make him happy. I was being a mother.

When I got him a therapist when he was 13, she said he was bipolar and had
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Then a few weeks ago, his therapist called me. He is, was, 19 so she technically couldn’t tell me what they talked about anymore, but she told me he hadn’t shown up for the last two weeks. He just stopped talking to her.

I thought it was strange, but I didn’t really think anything of it because maybe, you know, maybe he was with his friends or studying. Then she told me he never got his refill on his meds and I got scared. I got scared. So I called him.

He never answered. That was two weeks ago. It’s been two weeks, and I’m still as worried as I would’ve been if he were still...if he were still alive.

I don’t know why, why he was so mad. He got so mad sometimes. I-I don’t know why. If he was just frustrated at the world or…

maybe it was me.

I might have restricted him too much when his father died. His father...was shot at his workplace when Isaiah was six. I thought maybe that was it. He was mad at the man who killed his father so maybe he wanted revenge or...or

I don’t think, I don’t think he realized that he, he became that man. That angry, ruthless man. Why, why would he want to become the man that killed his father?

That, that doesn’t make sense.

I don’t know why, he was my son. I don’t…