Paper on Cognitive Dissonance

HDFS 276

November 1, 2011
Cognitive Dissonance in my Life When I first looked through the guidelines of this report, it was clear that I had the perfect beginning topic. Recently, my older brother has come out to the family about feeling gender confused. This was evident in our childhood because he always seemed awkward with his body and growing up, he didn’t have very many friends. My brother has always been a little different to the rest of the world, my parents used to say he “marches to the beat of a different drummer.” I’ve always been the type of person who tries to accept people for who they are, no matter the differences. When he confided in me about feeling as though he should have been born a woman, I was surprised but knew this was why he had always been different. Our parents, on the other hand, aren’t always accepting of such big changes. Even when I got my first tattoo, they were incredibly disappointed in my actions, let alone how they were going to handle my brother’s internal struggles. The journey my brother was now traveling on included many cognitive dissonances for not only him, but also the whole family. According to the medical dictionary found online, gender confusion is also called Gender Identity Disorder. This is a disorder where the person feels as though they were born in the wrong body. “The psychological diagnosis, gender identity disorder, is used to describe a male or female that feels a strong identification with the opposite sex and experiences considerable distress because of their actual sex” (Medical Dictionary). “Transgender students may be of any age, ethnicity, race, class, or sexual orientation. Some enter higher education open about being transgender, while others come out during college or graduate school. Still others may never use the term transgender, but will strongly identify themselves as male, female, transsexual, or another (or no) gender“ (Transgender Issues). I have taken many psychology and sociology classes while in college, so I was able to be considerate and empathetic while he was telling me just how strongly his mind disagreed with his body. He is considered transgender right now, but after his surgery, he will be referred to as transsexual. There is a difference between transsexual and transgender, the difference being, a transgender person is a person who feels as though they were born in the wrong body and makes social changes to adapt. A transsexual person undergoes surgery to “fix” the mistakes they were born with and eventually might transition into a biological person of their original sex (Dictionary). After many months of hiding his revelation, he finally came out and told our parents. They were quite disappointed with what they heard. Our mom has always been willing to open up to the changes each generation brings, but even this was a little too out there for her. Our father was a farm boy from rural Missouri. He grew up with the hippie generation, but never caught on to the free lifestyle. This was probably one of the worst things he had ever heard in his life. He almost seemed as though he’d disown my brother for feeling this way. My dad thought of it more as extreme embarrassment for the family and himself. This is a great example of cognitive dissonance because dressing in the opposite gender’s clothing is considered “immorally wrong.” There is a gender line for a reason and it should not be crossed, as so they say. What happens when your own family member feels like they were born into the wrong body? How is one supposed to deal with that while not giving the impression their feelings don’t matter? These are the questions my parents are facing. To alter one’s body because something in your head is telling you things are wrong, that can be quite a challenge to deal with for anyone, let alone someone whose parents aren’t supportive or understanding. I know now is the time my brother needs me more than anything. He wants to go through with the surgery, but doesn’t know how our parents will feel about his new appearance. Our parents are both going through cognitive dissonance with the conflicting ideas that cross dressing and gender swapping is incredibly wrong, while still wanting to support their child and love him for who he wants to be. Being in the middle, I’m faced with seeing both their decisions and concerns. I get to hear his side while still knowing how they feel about all the changes and listen to them while they cope with losing a son for a daughter. It is truly a hard circumstance for every person involved.

The second topic I chose to explain my life’s cognitive dissonance with is my bisexuality. I’ve always been attracted to girls, but recently I’ve started finding myself attracted to boys similar to me. I have a girlfriend, but the idea of doing sexual things with guys has started to turn me on more and more lately. Either it’s the college atmosphere or just the way more hormones were arranged.
My girlfriend is supportive of my liking of guys, just wants to make sure I don’t get too involved. It’s a cognitive dissonance because biblically and socially, people are supposed to only be attracted to the opposite sex. There isn’t “supposed” to be any mixing of the genders where pleasures are acquired by the same body parts. Men marry women and women marry men (Huffington). Many college campuses offer a variety of classes explaining gender, gender roles, and even sexual orientation. There is a class offered at the University of Central Las Angeles specializing in sexual orientation and how it affects families with children. The class offered is Law 417 - Special Topics in Family Law - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Families with Children (UCLA).
I took a sociology class my freshman year and the main topic was intimate relationships with a brief section involving sexual orientation. Our parent’s generation was less accepting of swapping partners for the same sex, but times are changing. There is even homosexual marriage being practiced around the world. Even though a lot of things are changing, there are still people trying to keep things the way they are. Proposition Eight is a great example of how some people are opposed to same sex relationships, either because of their beliefs, religion, or even morals. “Prop 8, officially titled Proposition 8 - Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry, is a statewide ballot proposition in California” (California). I feel sinful when I have fantasies of other men, but deep down I know it’s the way I was born and I should embrace the feelings I’m preordained with as long as it doesn’t hurt the ones I love.

References
California Proposition Eight, the “Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry” Initiative. Ballot Pedia. 29 August 2011. <http://ballotpedia.org/wiki/ index.php/California _Proposition_8,_the_%22Eliminates_Right_of_Same-Sex_Couples_to_Marry%22_Initiative _%282008%29>
Dictionary.com. Merriam-Webster 's Medical Dictionary. 8 November 2011. <http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/transexual>
The Huffington Post. Focus on the Family Launches Anti-Gay Website, “Dogs aren’t born Mooing, and People aren’t born Gay.” 2011.<http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2006/ 07/20/focus-on-the-family-launc_n_25459.html>
Medical Dictionary. The Free Dictionary by Farlex. 2011. <http://www.thefreedictionary.com/gender+identity+disorder>
Transgender Issues on College Campus. Grand Valley State University. 2005. <http://www.gvsu.edu/cms3/assets/3B8FF455-E590-0E6C-3ED0F895A6FBB287/Transgender%20issues%20on%20college%20campuses-Beemyn-New%20Directions%20ch%205.pdf>
UCLA School of Law. Curriculum Guide. Law 417 - Special Topics in Family Law - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Families with Children. 2011. <http://curriculum.law.ucla.edu/Guide/Course/130>

References: California Proposition Eight, the “Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry” Initiative. Ballot Pedia. 29 August 2011. &lt;http://ballotpedia.org/wiki/ index.php/California _Proposition_8,_the_%22Eliminates_Right_of_Same-Sex_Couples_to_Marry%22_Initiative _%282008%29&gt; Dictionary.com. Merriam-Webster 's Medical Dictionary. 8 November 2011. &lt;http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/transexual&gt; The Huffington Post. Focus on the Family Launches Anti-Gay Website, “Dogs aren’t born Mooing, and People aren’t born Gay.” 2011.&lt;http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2006/ 07/20/focus-on-the-family-launc_n_25459.html&gt; Medical Dictionary. The Free Dictionary by Farlex. 2011. &lt;http://www.thefreedictionary.com/gender+identity+disorder&gt; Transgender Issues on College Campus. Grand Valley State University. 2005. &lt;http://www.gvsu.edu/cms3/assets/3B8FF455-E590-0E6C-3ED0F895A6FBB287/Transgender%20issues%20on%20college%20campuses-Beemyn-New%20Directions%20ch%205.pdf&gt; UCLA School of Law. Curriculum Guide. Law 417 - Special Topics in Family Law - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Families with Children. 2011. &lt;http://curriculum.law.ucla.edu/Guide/Course/130&gt;