Parental Alienation: The Effects Of Divorce On Society
The effects of divorce on society are far reaching, and long lasting. They are not what many would think, such as a drain financially on society, and the welfare system. There are huge impacts psychologically for all parties involved; the children, wives, and husbands. Although there are some instances where divorce is the only way to provide stable homes, such as high conflict rates, there are others where the children would benefit more if the parents worked on the relationship, such as low conflict rates. Although there will always be divorce, one of the lesser known side effects of divorce can be avoided, and possibly stopped. This is a horrible and completely avoidable occurrence, Parental Alienation
…show more content…
Syndrome (PAS, Parental Alienation). This does not just an affect from divorce, it is in the courts that involve any kind of child custody, but it is very prevalent in divorces. Child custody rates in the US are seen below, Parental alienation affects about 60-90 percent of child custody battles (NY Magazine, Harris). Parental Alienation is when a parent programs the child/children against the other parent, usually during and after divorce in order to influence custody. This will usually result in the loss of the relationship between the non- custodial, “target” parent, and the child/children, and the relationship with the target parent’s extended family. There are a list of symptoms/signs, they are:
“1. The Campaign of denigration
2. Weak, frivolous and absurd rationalizations for denigration
3. Lack of ambivalence
4. The “independent thinker phenomenon”
5. Reflexive support of the alienating parent in parental conflict
6. Actions of guilt over cruelty to and/or exploitation of the alienated parent
7. The presence of borrowed scenarios
8. The spread of animosity to the extended family and alienated parent” (Parental Alienation, Lowenstein) The cause of parental alienation is a simple one; basically the custodial parent wants the child/children to have nothing to do with the target parent. Generally they do this because of jealousy, spite, or to get even for the divorce. The custodial parent will do anything to poison the child’s mind against the target parent, though it may seem to work, in the long run there are lasting repercussions for both child, and their relationships with both parents. The rates of parental alienation varies from source to source from levels as high as 90 percent (NY Magazine, Harris) to as to as 30 percent (Phoenix Magazine, Bommersbach). What seems to be the most accurate it the rate of 50 percent or more (NY Magazine, Harris). In the last several last decades’ rates have increased, and there also seems to be a correlation with high profile divorces, especially those that have rich clients (NY Magazine, Harris). There has also been a lot of research into which parent tends to be the aggressor in these cases, and which the Target parent is. Although in past decades it was usually the wife, with rates up to 90 percent (Gardner), as the aggressor, in the last three decades the numbers have evened out to about 50/50, husband, wife ratio as the aggressor. The cause of Parental Alienation varies from case to case, but all the reasoning in the world does not seem to justify it. There are instances where researchers have said that the alienating parent is sociopathic, and that their children eventually show the same behaviors. The alienator shows that much of a complete lack of emotion when dealing with the target parent and their emotions (Steinberger). In most instances the custodial parent alienates the child from the Target parent as punishment, simply to hurt them with no regard for how the child is affected. In other cases the custodial parent truly believes that the other parent is unsuitable, although there was never a problem in the past. Some parents only start alienating when their exes start new relationships, or their exes new partners move in with them. They do this because of jealousy, and/or a fear of the other “new” parental figure. There are cases where the custodial parent uses alienation as a tool to hold over the target parent to get what they want. In what could be some of the most emotionally charged cases it stems from the horrific fighting between the parents. There are cases though were it is justified, where the non-custodial parent really is not fit to be parent, whether it be substance abuse, or some other type of abuse. There have been instances where the non –custodial parent has used Parental Alienation as a reason to get custody of the children just to keep abusing them (Phoenix Magazine, Bommersbach). There are children stuck in homes with their abusers, being physically, emotionally and sexually abused. This is a terrifying side effect of Parental Alienation that Alienators either don’t think about, or care about. They are too stuck on trying to get even with their ex-spouses to think about the overall effect on society. The behavior of these parents make it very hard for the courts to differentiate between what could be real cases of abuse, especially if there have been no previous reports of abuse (Phoenix Magazine, Bommersbach). There are many debates surrounding Parental Alienation, from whether it exists, to the fact that because it is out there, that some children end up really being stuck with a target parent that abuses them.
There are cases out there where the child is put into the custody of the Target parent, because they claimed the custodial parent was using parental alienation against them. In these particular cases there are claims of abuse, whether it is sexual, emotional or physical. Unfortunately the courts have to decide whether these claims have any truth to them, and if there are no prior claims of abuse it makes this harder to prove, and for the proper decisions to be made. These cases are affected by other cases where parental alienation is in use, because there is such a prevalence of it at this time. So the Judges, Lawyers, and advisors have to make decisions based on what is presented, and if the custodial parent is acting like an alienator, then the judges generally listen to the target parent, when they say there is parental alienation taking place. These children are then placed with an abusive parent, because of the effect on society of parental alienation. These children have no voice, once custody is grated to the abuser, usually the courts side with them and they receive full custody, and the now non-custodial parent has no contact because of supposed parental alienation. These children are stuck in these abusive situations until the abuse can be proven, or they come of age to choose which household to live in, by then the damage is done, they have lived through what could amount to be years of abuse (Phoenix Magazine, Bommerbach). The other side effect is when the courts tell the supposed alienator to stop making these false allegations about the supposed target parent, or they will face jail time. There has to be exhaustive proof of abuse for the courts to listen to these mothers and fathers, and not just say that they are alienators. The courts are
supposed to trying to find the best solution for the child, and because of the existence of Parental alienation, these abusers are getting these children. They are using it against the courts, and there ex-spouses, so that they can keep their victims (Phoenix Magazine, Bommersbach). In my opinion the cause of the problem varies from case to case. For instance my cousins Samantha and Susan were kept from their father and his extended family because he had come out as a homosexual. We didn’t see the girls until I was eighteen and met up with Samantha, I told her about all of the returned cards, and gifts that were in Rene’s closet, and told her about all of the suffering he went through. Their mother Anita told them he was a horrible and disgusting person. She said that he didn’t want them, and he was more interested in his new perverse life style. Part of Anita’s biggest issue is that she is a very religious Roman Catholic, and to her he was disgusting. In the last sixteen years their relationship has been repaired and so have the girl’s relationship with their mother. Not all cases are like that though. Some women do it out of spite, and jealousy. The problem of parental Alienation is not preventable in my opinion, parents are not going to stop using their kids against each other, and it has been going on for a very long time. It is not right to use your kids against one another, but these parents are so wrapped up in hurting each other, that they do not realize the affect it has on the children until it is too late.
The side effects of parental alienation are far reaching and affect all parts of the child’s life. This list is specific to a child who is suffering through parental alienation:
“1. Anger
2. Loss or lack of impulse control in conduct
3. Loss of self-confidence and self esteem
4. Clinging and separation anxiety
5. Developing fears and phobias
6. Depression and suicidal ideation
7. Sleep disorders
8. Eating disorders
9. Educational problems
10. Enuresis and Encopresis
11. Drug abuse and self-destructive behavior
12. Obsessive compulsive behavior
13. Anxiety and panic attacks
14. Damaged sexual identity problems (because of lack of identifying with one member of the secure relationship)
15. Poor Peer relationships
16. Excessive feelings of guilt”(Parental Alienation, Lowenstein)
These are the affects from parents using their children against one another. This psychological damage is completely preventable. There are now cases in the UK and Canada where true alienators are being stopped and punished. In Canada a woman was stripped of her custodial rights of her three daughters after she spent a decade trying to alienate them from their father. The only contact she is allowed to have with her daughters is during intensive counseling, and special therapy for the children (The Star, Tyler). A judge in the UK, Mr. Justice Coleridge, has said that” mothers who refuse to let separated fathers see their children should have them taken away (Daily Mail, McRae)”. He also said that “The children should be handed over to the full time care of the father if the mother persistently defies court orders (Daily Mail, McRae)”. Mr. Justice Coleridge went a step further and said that “ Judges are extremely reluctant to jail mothers because of the damaging effects on the children, so many continue to get away with it (Daily Mail, McRae)”. He said that up to 5,00 cases a year come to the family courts in the UK, in which the parents ignore the orders from the court, and it is almost always the mother doing this. Mr. Justice Coleridge also said that it may be necessary to wend a mother to jail, and that they need a law for these violation of court orders, maybe a “ three strikes and you’re out” He said that “ it may sound insensitive but something like it perhaps should be the norm (Daily mail, McRae)”. This was all very interesting because Mr. Justice Coleridge is not a young Justice trying to please the people, or change society. He is a 61 year old Justice that is tired of the injustice being dealt out by alienating parents. These countries seem to be on the right track, maybe a three strikes type of law would help to put Parental Alienation out of the picture.
Bibliography
Bommersbach, Jana. "Parental Alienation- "Jana 's View"." Phoenix Magazine (2006).
Harris, Chris. "Robert Wallack: Raising Awareness of Parental Alienation in Family Law Cases." New York Magazine (2011).
"Living Arangements of US Children Under 18, All Races." Census. 2012.
Mcrae, Fionna. "Top judge says mothers should have children taken away if they don 't let fathers see them." The Daily Mail (2010).
Ph.D, Ludwig F. Lowenstein. n.d.
Ph.d, Ludwig F. Lowenstein. "Problems suffered by Children due to the effects of Parenta Alienation Syndrome." Justice of the Peace 166.24 (2002): 464-466.
Steinberger, Chaim. "Father? What Father? Parental Alienation and Its Effect on Children." NYSBA Family Law Review spring 2006: 10-22.
Tyler, Tracey. "Mom loses custody for alienating dad." The Star (2009).
Syndrome (PAS, Parental Alienation). This does not just an affect from divorce, it is in the courts that involve any kind of child custody, but it is very prevalent in divorces. Child custody rates in the US are seen below, Parental alienation affects about 60-90 percent of child custody battles (NY Magazine, Harris). Parental Alienation is when a parent programs the child/children against the other parent, usually during and after divorce in order to influence custody. This will usually result in the loss of the relationship between the non- custodial, “target” parent, and the child/children, and the relationship with the target parent’s extended family. There are a list of symptoms/signs, they are:
“1. The Campaign of denigration
2. Weak, frivolous and absurd rationalizations for denigration
3. Lack of ambivalence
4. The “independent thinker phenomenon”
5. Reflexive support of the alienating parent in parental conflict
6. Actions of guilt over cruelty to and/or exploitation of the alienated parent
7. The presence of borrowed scenarios
8. The spread of animosity to the extended family and alienated parent” (Parental Alienation, Lowenstein) The cause of parental alienation is a simple one; basically the custodial parent wants the child/children to have nothing to do with the target parent. Generally they do this because of jealousy, spite, or to get even for the divorce. The custodial parent will do anything to poison the child’s mind against the target parent, though it may seem to work, in the long run there are lasting repercussions for both child, and their relationships with both parents. The rates of parental alienation varies from source to source from levels as high as 90 percent (NY Magazine, Harris) to as to as 30 percent (Phoenix Magazine, Bommersbach). What seems to be the most accurate it the rate of 50 percent or more (NY Magazine, Harris). In the last several last decades’ rates have increased, and there also seems to be a correlation with high profile divorces, especially those that have rich clients (NY Magazine, Harris). There has also been a lot of research into which parent tends to be the aggressor in these cases, and which the Target parent is. Although in past decades it was usually the wife, with rates up to 90 percent (Gardner), as the aggressor, in the last three decades the numbers have evened out to about 50/50, husband, wife ratio as the aggressor. The cause of Parental Alienation varies from case to case, but all the reasoning in the world does not seem to justify it. There are instances where researchers have said that the alienating parent is sociopathic, and that their children eventually show the same behaviors. The alienator shows that much of a complete lack of emotion when dealing with the target parent and their emotions (Steinberger). In most instances the custodial parent alienates the child from the Target parent as punishment, simply to hurt them with no regard for how the child is affected. In other cases the custodial parent truly believes that the other parent is unsuitable, although there was never a problem in the past. Some parents only start alienating when their exes start new relationships, or their exes new partners move in with them. They do this because of jealousy, and/or a fear of the other “new” parental figure. There are cases where the custodial parent uses alienation as a tool to hold over the target parent to get what they want. In what could be some of the most emotionally charged cases it stems from the horrific fighting between the parents. There are cases though were it is justified, where the non-custodial parent really is not fit to be parent, whether it be substance abuse, or some other type of abuse. There have been instances where the non –custodial parent has used Parental Alienation as a reason to get custody of the children just to keep abusing them (Phoenix Magazine, Bommersbach). There are children stuck in homes with their abusers, being physically, emotionally and sexually abused. This is a terrifying side effect of Parental Alienation that Alienators either don’t think about, or care about. They are too stuck on trying to get even with their ex-spouses to think about the overall effect on society. The behavior of these parents make it very hard for the courts to differentiate between what could be real cases of abuse, especially if there have been no previous reports of abuse (Phoenix Magazine, Bommersbach). There are many debates surrounding Parental Alienation, from whether it exists, to the fact that because it is out there, that some children end up really being stuck with a target parent that abuses them.
There are cases out there where the child is put into the custody of the Target parent, because they claimed the custodial parent was using parental alienation against them. In these particular cases there are claims of abuse, whether it is sexual, emotional or physical. Unfortunately the courts have to decide whether these claims have any truth to them, and if there are no prior claims of abuse it makes this harder to prove, and for the proper decisions to be made. These cases are affected by other cases where parental alienation is in use, because there is such a prevalence of it at this time. So the Judges, Lawyers, and advisors have to make decisions based on what is presented, and if the custodial parent is acting like an alienator, then the judges generally listen to the target parent, when they say there is parental alienation taking place. These children are then placed with an abusive parent, because of the effect on society of parental alienation. These children have no voice, once custody is grated to the abuser, usually the courts side with them and they receive full custody, and the now non-custodial parent has no contact because of supposed parental alienation. These children are stuck in these abusive situations until the abuse can be proven, or they come of age to choose which household to live in, by then the damage is done, they have lived through what could amount to be years of abuse (Phoenix Magazine, Bommerbach). The other side effect is when the courts tell the supposed alienator to stop making these false allegations about the supposed target parent, or they will face jail time. There has to be exhaustive proof of abuse for the courts to listen to these mothers and fathers, and not just say that they are alienators. The courts are
supposed to trying to find the best solution for the child, and because of the existence of Parental alienation, these abusers are getting these children. They are using it against the courts, and there ex-spouses, so that they can keep their victims (Phoenix Magazine, Bommersbach). In my opinion the cause of the problem varies from case to case. For instance my cousins Samantha and Susan were kept from their father and his extended family because he had come out as a homosexual. We didn’t see the girls until I was eighteen and met up with Samantha, I told her about all of the returned cards, and gifts that were in Rene’s closet, and told her about all of the suffering he went through. Their mother Anita told them he was a horrible and disgusting person. She said that he didn’t want them, and he was more interested in his new perverse life style. Part of Anita’s biggest issue is that she is a very religious Roman Catholic, and to her he was disgusting. In the last sixteen years their relationship has been repaired and so have the girl’s relationship with their mother. Not all cases are like that though. Some women do it out of spite, and jealousy. The problem of parental Alienation is not preventable in my opinion, parents are not going to stop using their kids against each other, and it has been going on for a very long time. It is not right to use your kids against one another, but these parents are so wrapped up in hurting each other, that they do not realize the affect it has on the children until it is too late.
The side effects of parental alienation are far reaching and affect all parts of the child’s life. This list is specific to a child who is suffering through parental alienation:
“1. Anger
2. Loss or lack of impulse control in conduct
3. Loss of self-confidence and self esteem
4. Clinging and separation anxiety
5. Developing fears and phobias
6. Depression and suicidal ideation
7. Sleep disorders
8. Eating disorders
9. Educational problems
10. Enuresis and Encopresis
11. Drug abuse and self-destructive behavior
12. Obsessive compulsive behavior
13. Anxiety and panic attacks
14. Damaged sexual identity problems (because of lack of identifying with one member of the secure relationship)
15. Poor Peer relationships
16. Excessive feelings of guilt”(Parental Alienation, Lowenstein)
These are the affects from parents using their children against one another. This psychological damage is completely preventable. There are now cases in the UK and Canada where true alienators are being stopped and punished. In Canada a woman was stripped of her custodial rights of her three daughters after she spent a decade trying to alienate them from their father. The only contact she is allowed to have with her daughters is during intensive counseling, and special therapy for the children (The Star, Tyler). A judge in the UK, Mr. Justice Coleridge, has said that” mothers who refuse to let separated fathers see their children should have them taken away (Daily Mail, McRae)”. He also said that “The children should be handed over to the full time care of the father if the mother persistently defies court orders (Daily Mail, McRae)”. Mr. Justice Coleridge went a step further and said that “ Judges are extremely reluctant to jail mothers because of the damaging effects on the children, so many continue to get away with it (Daily Mail, McRae)”. He said that up to 5,00 cases a year come to the family courts in the UK, in which the parents ignore the orders from the court, and it is almost always the mother doing this. Mr. Justice Coleridge also said that it may be necessary to wend a mother to jail, and that they need a law for these violation of court orders, maybe a “ three strikes and you’re out” He said that “ it may sound insensitive but something like it perhaps should be the norm (Daily mail, McRae)”. This was all very interesting because Mr. Justice Coleridge is not a young Justice trying to please the people, or change society. He is a 61 year old Justice that is tired of the injustice being dealt out by alienating parents. These countries seem to be on the right track, maybe a three strikes type of law would help to put Parental Alienation out of the picture.
Bibliography
Bommersbach, Jana. "Parental Alienation- "Jana 's View"." Phoenix Magazine (2006).
Harris, Chris. "Robert Wallack: Raising Awareness of Parental Alienation in Family Law Cases." New York Magazine (2011).
"Living Arangements of US Children Under 18, All Races." Census. 2012.
Mcrae, Fionna. "Top judge says mothers should have children taken away if they don 't let fathers see them." The Daily Mail (2010).
Ph.D, Ludwig F. Lowenstein. n.d.
Ph.d, Ludwig F. Lowenstein. "Problems suffered by Children due to the effects of Parenta Alienation Syndrome." Justice of the Peace 166.24 (2002): 464-466.
Steinberger, Chaim. "Father? What Father? Parental Alienation and Its Effect on Children." NYSBA Family Law Review spring 2006: 10-22.
Tyler, Tracey. "Mom loses custody for alienating dad." The Star (2009).