Patsy Rodenburg Analysis

As a reader, I am better able to connect to Patsy Rodenburg’s words than to Kristin Linklater’s. Rodenburg is immensely honest and open about her own journey and I find many similarities between where I am at and where she used to be at. Most specifically, I love her words on laughter. Like Rodenburg, I, too, have had this deep insecurity that I may perhaps be incapable of humor. Especially as a woman who wants to enter a male-dominated field such as law and intelligence, I have been trained to control my voice and, thereon, my laugher as well.
While my voice, especially in professional and academic settings, sounds controlled, I am often worried I sound arrogant. That too, of course, is something men do not worry about, but that is a separate topic. In order to ensure that my voice is heard and what I say carries weight, I have restricted my voice to sound as though I have full control over my life. I recall numerous moments from high school when I would be the only or one of the few girls in a class about courts or the judicial
system, I would restrict my words. I would make sure what I had to say was worthy of being heard and that it would add something to the conversation before I said it. While others joked around about how Supreme Court justices were high when making decisions because there decisions, all of which are based on the same Constitution, are so inconsistent, I always attempted to bring us back on track.
Indeed, not only did I limit myself from laughing, but I also attempted to control the environment around me.
Like Rodenburg says, one has to have major realizations about these laughing habits before change can be brought. My freshman year at Skidmore, I met so many people who could make me laugh till my eyes were full of tears and my body was out of control. My boarding school fostered an exceedingly stressful and competitive environment, and I was also the only international student who was not Korean or Chinese. I think part of the fact that people at Skidmore could make me laugh was because they were so different than students at my boarding school. I met people from all over the world, from Africa to Latin America, who were interested in all sorts of things, from theater to biochemistry, and this diversity helped me let go. It was a joy I had perhaps never felt before. I slowly started noticing my habits about laughing
since.
I am still on this journey. It is not that once you realize you have a habit, you can easily rid yourself of it. Ridding oneself of a habit takes daily commitment—minute to minute. Every minute counts. I don’t know if I will ever be as comfortable making jokes as others or whether I will be able to part my lips and not restrict myself, but I have recognized this habit and I am putting constant effort to change it.