Personal Eulogy

There are those mysterious strangers who seem to creep into your heart in the quiet, dead moments of the night. They’re the people that sometimes place their hands on your heart and refuse to remove it till the lesson you need is learned, regardless of if they are still there. So, when a silent boy slipped into my life I had no idea he would impact me in the most awe-inspiring, life-changing way. The linemen stood in a precise line straight across the dying grass, staring down their opponents. Different body shapes were evident to the crowd, but none were particularly unusual or bulky in an uncomfortable way. Towards the middle of the group of players was number 63, a boy with sheer drive and dedication blazing behind his caramel colored
eyes. Through the visor of his helmet, the opposing team could see messing with this kid would get you laid out. Hard. The whistle was blown and the boys started crashing into one another as if it was first nature. You could see number 63 ripping through people and mowing through the other team’s line, blocking and tackling everyone that tried to pass him. I’d imagine that after a few seconds of this your body would be fatigued and ache, but it seemed as if he was made of stone. “Let’s go boys, rip they’re ****ing throats out!” was what Spencer yelled in encouragement to his team as the adrenaline kicked in and his focus blocked out all outside distractions. They were in this to win, and they wouldn’t go down without the best fight of their lives. It’s well known that you can’t walk out onto a football field all high and mighty expecting to win a game without a heavy amount of practice. This isn’t the easy going, mental type of practice either. This falls under the category of the kind that makes you contemplate suicide or throwing oneself out in front of a bus. By the end of it, the players bodies are so beaten up and thrashed around they can’t help but feel like their legs are made of jello and arms like limp wet noodles. And still, they push through. Spencer Keller is one of the few people out on that practice field that shows up, does as he’s told, and strives beyond his limits to get better, faster, and stronger. So, come game night, he’s done the best he can and can play the game with every last piece of himself that he’s laid all out there at practice. This kind of character has carried through just about every aspect of his life; giving up is not even a brief idea to him.
As a young boy he dreamed of joining something greater and serving his country. Now, be mindful, there are many ways to serve one’s country. The variety of it all never had the appeal to Spencer though; he wanted to be the first on the line fighting for those he loved back home as well as the team fighting with him. So his dream turned to joining the U.S. Marines. With the way he plays football it’s apparent to anyone watching that he is a team player, and willing to do whatever it takes. As proof, last year he cracked his fibula and begged to play on it anyways. With someone like Spencer in your life you can’t expect to not get changed in one way or another, and as really good friends I could feel my perception of things starting to
shift. There was a day where everything I did fell apart and crumbled on the ground; turned to dust blown by the wind- dreams included. I felt as if my firm grasp on reality and my life was slipping beyond reach and I had nothing to believe in…. Then in came Spencer with his confidence and quiet assuredness. With passion burning in the back of his eyes he urged, “If there’s only one thing you listen to from me, I hope it’s that you follow your dreams no matter what. You have to.” “What if I don’t know what that is?” I whispered meekly. “You’ll know,” he bluntly stated. The words sounded so simple, and yet, I couldn’t seem to understand them; German to an American speaking white girl.
If I were to stand back at the time and really evaluate the situation… I could have seen that what I needed to do was realize what I kept turning to or pushing away. With those simple words, I’ve now begun to realize that the thing that follows you most-in your waking life and in your decrypted dreams- is your passion in disguise. It hides this way because it wants you to search it out, and chase after it with both hands outstretched and open, ready to capture your prize. So through the rough and the worse I happened to stumble upon a person who remained consistent to himself and dreams, which is so hard to come by
anymore. If there’s the one thing I learned from my encounter with Spencer, it’s that no matter what the odds and who’s openly against you, no amount of persuasion or pleading should shift you from those dreams that follow you. And, in the heavy pursuit of this, you find yourself. Now, whether it is around a corner or over a mountain, you will always come back to the person you are meant to be if you keep your ambitions and hopes in the center of your existence. Generally a silent person, I couldn’t comprehend how someone could be so cool and decided about his future, so I pushed for so I could understand more about this boy who was making me frantic in my search for a dream. Misunderstanding was something a became good at because in the silence there is nothing but cold reality to face you… but trying to press words into a seemingly vast emptiness like silence is only bait for the selfish brain. I didn’t get a lot of answers when Spencer and I spent a lot of time together, sometimes I just got frustrated and tired. Then, as our friendship started to break away I felt as if a part of me was deciding to up and leave and I couldn’t help but feel desperation claw at my heart like a shadow raccoon. From that moment on, I learned something I could never learn on my own, it was only something someone close enough to me could get me to see. Sometimes you can’t have an answer to everything, and sometimes you can’t dare to dream about understanding what tomorrow may bring. Sometimes, it just might take some one coming into your life and leaving for you to finally get the message, one that you can ponder and almost taste in your mouth every time you remember it. To dream is a valuable thing, and when you finally understand the worth of the dream… it becomes all the more attainable.