Personal Narrative: Fitting In So Hard

Why is fitting in so hard? Is it because I have to change about myself so much? Or the fact that I have to suffer trying so hard? I guess all of it becomes just a little too much, but I hope that soon the fog will clear up. That is something that I always have to remind myself when I just can’t take it anymore. I have these feelings bottled up and it’s really hard to not cry, especially when I have stress taking over me at the same time. Emotions and stress are getting bigger and bigger by the minute, but I’ve learned to take a deep breath, and cry it out because I realized that it’s not good to keep emotions is, but at the same time I want to be brave or strong. So it’s hard.
I have so much experience with this, but I always know that I have friends that will be there for me no matter what. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel like an outsider with them, which would happened like all the time in 7th grade and a little bit in 8th grade. I mean, yeah we’ve been through everything together, but they’ve known each other more than I’ve known them. So
I started feeling like an outsider in the beginning and middle of the year. I just don’t know what it was. My friends from last year sorta disappeared and hung out with different people, but some people stayed. That’s not really the point thought. The point is that I felt like an outsiders with my friends a lot last year. There will be some times where I stayed quiet with them and they would ask if something was wrong. My response was “I’m fine.” That was probably the first big lie I’ve told them. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but to me, telling my friend that “I’m fine” when I’m dying inside. There will be sometimes when one is talking to another and here I am, with no emotion. I always think that if I tell them that something is wrong, they’re going to drop everything and just care for me. I mean, I’m happy that they do that, it’s just that I don’t want to be the center of