Personal Narrative: Growth In Communication

Growth in communication I sat in my sophomore english class, as time ticked away on the clock behind me. I’d written for the first 30 minutes of our in class essay, and, looking down in despair, realized that my paper was far from cohesive. Although my paper had several interesting ideas and analyzations about the book, I hadn't exactly answered the prompt. As the student next to me pushed back her seat to turn in her paper, I knew there was no way to turn mine around and get it to the place it needed to be. The ideas swirling around my head told me to just keep writing, that the more I would have on paper, the easier my teacher would grade, but of course I knew that wasn’t the case. As the bell rang to go onto forth period, I stood up and
handed in my paper, knowing that, for me, my prompt would have to go unanswered. I talked to my english teacher about my inability to write cohesive papers, because I could sense that the problem was probably rooted in my inability to planning, and I wanted to fix it. However, most of the time I met him, he would explain things quickly and I would leave his office with an incomplete understanding to what I needed to do in order to improve. I admired my teacher, and, because of this admiration, was afraid he would think I wasn’t listening if I asked for clarification. This year in American Studies, I have reassessed how to approach challenges and form relationships with clarity and communication.
One particular area where my communication skills have grown is in my writing. As I mentioned before, my in-class essays were so ill-informed, because I would only spend around five to ten minutes planning before hand. Essentially, I was being lazy, and didn’t want to spend the time putting my ideas down on paper when they seemed so planned out in my head. Because of this, my papers would be more like free-writing–unorganized and ill-informed. Particularly with our first semester finals this year, I had a really difficult time focusing my thoughts. The prompt, “Why did Sethe Kill Beloved?”, was extremely hard for me to wrap my mind around. I had so many ideas whirling around my head, all of which I wanted to use. I ended up sketching these ideas out three different times, in order to create the best combination of analyzations that would fully support my paper. I started with the belief that Sethe wanted to save her child from loosing her fundamental human rights. While this was interesting, it also seemed to cover the whole first semester of our class, so I knew I had to rein it in in order to have a concentrated paper. Finally, I decided to commit to the idea that
Sethe killed her daughter because she wanted Beloved to be regarded as a human, and not as property. I listed the most supportive evidence I could find, and summarized all of my analyses. Finally, I forced myself to hold onto the mindset that what I had written on the sheet would be the only ideas I would expand on; I did this in order to avoid bringing new, and possibly more confusing, ideas into my piece during the final. Once I got into the actual final, I was able to write my whole paper without getting stuck on one idea that wouldn’t transition into the other. My thoughts flowed much more freely, and while I reread my paper, I was able to tell that any other reader would be able to understand what I was trying to say. I never felt that “pit” in my stomach from running out of ideas, or realizing the lack of cohesiveness of what I had just written. Due to these evolving organizational skills, my communication abilities in my paper were able to greatly improve as well. I also learned that I, myself, am a very visible learner. My ability to think out ideas and concepts for my writing is difficult for me to organize in my head. This was an impactful moment for me; I realized that planning beforehand made my communication of the topic almost effortless, my ideas practically explained themselves, and the writing was actually enjoyable for me. I tried to carry this through the writing of my junior theme, and I think I did so effectively. While brainstorming ideas for my junior theme, I came across an interesting topic, at the suggestion of Mr. Maxman. I started to look into women in computer sciences around the 1980s. After doing some research, I felt like I had a strong hold on the topic, and I became more passionate about it the more I researched, but was still struggling to get my ideas down into words. I volleyed between making the topic too broad, to extremely narrowing it down. Either way, it was difficult for me to obtain the right information that I needed. Eventually, I started to fall behind in the selection process and went to meet with Ms. Heidkamp. I still had faith in my topic and was fairly set on creating a final project out of it. However, while meeting with her, I saw how making my idea into reality could be challenging. Nevertheless, I tried to hold onto it. I remember my frustration with myself, and I didn't understand why my idea couldn't be accepted as easily as others. I think this was one moment in which I really grew in my communication skills. Whether it was stubbornness or resilience, I really wanted to turn my idea into a product. Because of this, I talked to Ms. Heidkamp until I had a completely understanding on her view on my idea. I wanted to be able to to see her perspective in full, as well as she see mine. This was challenging for me. In the past, I've had good relationships with my teachers, but never pushed my ideas during private meetings, in fear of coming across rude or ignorant. This year, I've learned that there are situations in which you do have to continue to respectively ask questions and continue the conversation in order to understand both sides of an idea. In the end, I'm extremely grateful that I had that meeting with Mrs. Heidkamp. Although it may have seemed disappointing and frustrating at the time, it helped eliminate a lot of stress of my project, had I tried to stay with my original, but unfit, idea. This sense of communication will become vital for me in my upcoming 5 years. In senior year and college, there will be no "hand-holding" or "check-ins". Although I did enjoy being able to turn in our drafts of our junior theme to get direct communication, I know this is not common for many teachers, and won't happen in college. I will need to depend on my own communication skills and my ability to form a relationship with my professors in order to be successful during my college career. I will also need this sense of communication in my daily life. I've learned that conflicts between friends and family don't resolve with distance and isolation, but rather communication and the ability to emphasize. American studies this year has taught me how to work around possible issues and be able to resolve academic and social challenges.