Personal Narrative: The First Time I Found Out

The First Time I Found Out Endometriosis. I did not know what that word meant and I did not care at the moment. I was sixteen and fearless, but this later would scare me. I saw tears form in my mom's eyes while I sat there wondering what my mom's problem was. I thought this is probably the same as strep throat, something I could take antibiotics for and it would go away. The doctor was explaining the issue and I was slowing realizing this was not just any ordinary sickness. This was something that would stick with me forever. Then the doctor said the one word that I knew could change my life, “infertility.” Everything else faded out, my vision blurred and my mind was on pause while I thought about my dreams of having a big family. Were those
dreams crushed? I wanted that special connection with a child; although, adopting was a great option I wanted the nine months bond with a child of my own. The two years of pain that I passed off as tormenting cramps was actually the endometrium spreading on the outside of my ovaries. The excessive pain and dizziness I experience when I would work out all made sense. The extra weakness and weight gain in my body all made sense. I ate healthy and worked out, so how did I get this? The doctor suggested surgery or shot treatments and it was a no go for me. I thought this could not be that serious, but I was wrong. In the heat of the moment, I pushed it to the back of my mind and acted like this disease did not exist. This incurable disease that would affect my life forever was nonexistent in my mind as soon as I walked out the doctor's door.
As soon as we got into the car my mom was pestering me about it and I kept saying “I don't want to talk about it”. She would ask why and I would say it does not exist and act like it was nothing. I thought it was my problem to deal with and I chose to ignore it. Staring out the window and looking at every passing building I felt myself grow more and more naive about the problem. Little by little my mind put up a blockade around the idea of me having endometriosis. In my life I have faced many obstacles and I thought this was just another obstacle I had to overcome. Little did I know this was not an average obstacle. My solution was to act like this doctor visit never happened. So that's what I did very stubbornly. My mom was silent as we drove home and I knew she was pondering how to deal with me and what to do.
Looking back I wish I would have taken it more seriously.
After many other doctor visits, I chose not to do treatment out of fear and heard from other people it was not a good idea. Sadly over time I gained over thirty pounds because it destroyed my digestive system. I became sick a lot because it also wrecked my immune system. My body will never be the same ever again. I can not workout anymore because my body can not handle it and I often face vitamin deficiency making it hard for me to move. It also spread into my lungs sometimes making it difficult for me to breathe. I can not process a lot of foods so I had to change my diet completely and cut out caffeine. Maybe these complications would not have happned if I would have taken action than, but I do not like to think that way. I wish I would have taken it more seriously and changed my attitude towards it instead of being more stubborn. Slowly over time I realized this wasn't something that was gonna leave or resolve itself so I decided to take action. Step by step I do anything to help myself and ease the pain. In the future if I can have kids I will have to undergo a hysterectomy after I have them. That's the only way to completely get rid of the pain. The pain is hard to deal with, but the reward of having kids is higher so I deal with it. Hopefully my solutions to help with endometriosis will help, but the results are a
toss-up.