Personal Narrative: Why I Deserve Death

I was thinking about all the so called friends who've walked out on my life. The ones who gave me hope for my future. The ones who made me feel joy. The ones who made me feel like I matter. The ones who made me feel normal and valued. And then ditch me taking all of that away. I'm sick of it.

But you know what? I always believed I was the cause. I was a loser. I made them leave. I screwed up again. My life is worthless. My future is dark, lonely, miserable, and will probably end in suicide. I deserve to suffer. I deserve death... Or would death be too good for me....

Now I realize. It's not me. It's them. I may be autistic. But I am also human. I have feelings. I'm not trash that you can just throw away. I deserve to be treated like a
fellow human life. I deserve friends who care and make me feel joy. Friends who make me feel valuable and worthy of living. Friends who won't just decide after a short time to take all of that away from me. I deserve better than that.

I deserve a friend who's not using me, a friend who won't leave because things aren't on their terms, a friend who isn't a liar, a friend who's there for me when I need them, a friend who understands what it means to be human. I could go on but you get the point.

I refuse to be played. I refuse to let someone break me again. I refuse to take all the blame for a failed friendship. I refuse to give them excuses. And most importantly I refuse to lower my standards for friendship.

You are looking at a woman who is going to raise her self esteem.
In fact I'm already half way there. ;)