Reflection On Alcoholics Anonymous Meeting

For my addiction meeting, I chose to go to an open Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting. Alcoholism is an addiction that is both, professionally and personally relevant for me. Professionally, I work at a clinical mental health center were we often see alcoholism or individuals/families in recovery. However, on a personal level my grandfather was an alcoholic, and both my partner and his father are alcoholics in recovery.
My partner, only just entered recovery and suffered a recent relapse, making my attendance that much more meaningful. Regardless, though, I felt very uncomfortable going into the meeting. I felt an overwhelming amount of anxiety around the idea that, I as someone who is not an alcoholic shouldn’t be there. I remember in the moment focusing on the element that, as a clinician I might make members feel uncomfortable or judged. Then in reflecting on it afterward, I realized that it was really me who was afraid to be judged. I didn’t want people assuming I was alcoholic cause I was at a meeting. I’m not proud of that realization, but it really opened my eyes to the shame, lack of
To start, just the process of handing out the coins was really emotional and powerful for me. As I mentioned before my partner has recently had a relapse and at the time was just over 24 hours sober, so when the gentleman asked if there was anyone 24 hours sober my partner stop up. The response that he got was rather remarkable. Here we were in a room full of people that neither of us knew and they were high fiving him, clapping, and cheering with pride. It was so overwhelming that I actually started tearing up because this group and I got how important it’s was. Throughout the meeting this was something they really reinforce, that every day is another commitment to 24 hours of sobriety, no matter how long over all you’ve been