Robot Apocalypse Satire

Intro.
The robot apocalypse. It is going to happen soon and you need to be prepared to face the dangers involved and survive the apocalypse. However, not all robots would be life threatening. What people don't appreciate, when they picture Terminator-style automatons striding triumphantly across a mountain of human skulls, is how hard it is to keep your footing on something as unstable as a mountain of human skulls. Most humans probably couldn't manage it, and they've had a lifetime of practice at walking without falling over. Of course, our technology is constantly improving. But we have a long way to go. Here are a few snapshots of what an actual robot apocalypse might look like: In labs everywhere, experimental robots would leap up from
lab benches in a murderous rage, locate the door, and—with a tremendous crash—plow into it and fall over.
But robotics labs are only a small part of the revolution. There are computers all around us. What about the machines closest to us? Could our cell phones turn against us? Yes, but their options for attacking us are limited. They could run up huge credit card bills, but the computers would control our financial system anyway—and frankly, judging from the headlines lately, that might be more of a liability than an asset. So the phones would be reduced to attacking us directly. It would start with annoying ringtones and piercing noises. Then kitchen tables around the country would rattle as the phones all turned on their ‘vibrate’ functions, hoping to work their way to the edges and fall on unprotected toes. Military drones probably fit the Terminator description more closely than anything else around, and there’s no getting around the fact that they’d be pretty dangerous. The presence of these killing machines and military drones would be the biggest threat to our modern society in the robot apocalypse. You are going to need to know how to destroy these threats, learn how to stay be evasive, and how to survive without the lifestyle we have
right now.

Robot Killing
Now this one of the most important skills and techniques you need to know in order to survive the robot apocalypse.
The techniques here are mainly for those who wish to injure a robot enough to escape and find help, but these could also apply to the actual process of killing them. All military grade humanoid robots are equipped with sensors to scan and process the environment around them. If you were able to shoot the sensors (located in the eyes) the robot would become disoriented and unable to attack. These sensors are also susceptible to large flashes of light, so if you do not possess a gun, you can flash the camera at the robot and take off while it is disoriented. If you are on the run from a robot, and are still in its line of sight, be sure not to run in a predictable, steady rate. Modern day targeting systems attempt to calculate where an object will be in a few seconds after the system has found its speed; it predicts where it will be in a few seconds and aims there. If you are unpredictable in your escape, the robot will not be able to track you, and would then have to pursue on foot. This brings up the next point, which is that humans are very dexterous mammals. We are able to traverse many terrains, while a robot would find that to be more difficult. If you are in the mountains, the robot might not be able to climb over rocks, or swim across the river like you. If you are cornered and have no options left but to fight the robot hand to hand, try and find the
kill switch. This is going to look like a big red button and all robots that come from test labs and military bases have one. If you can locate it, try to press it to deactivate the robot. If you can deactivate the robot, be sure to watch out for it, as it will drop anything it was carrying before being deactivated, and the robot itself would most likely tip over as well, leaving in danger if being crushed.