Self Deception In Relationships

Contents
The Concept of Self-Deception 2
Self-Deception and its Effect on Interpersonal Relationships 3
Personal Experiences with Self-Deceptions 5
Summary 6
Works Cited 8

The Concept of Self-Deception
In the book Leadership and Self-Deception written by The Arbinger Institute, we come to an understanding that self- deception “...blinds us to the true causes of problems, and once we’re blind, all the “solutions” we can think of will actually make matters worse. Whether at work or at home, self-deception obscures the truth about ourselves, corrupts our views of others and our circumstances, inhibits our ability to make wise and helpful decisions” (Institute, 2010). The book goes on to explain
that we are self- deceived, both our happiness and our leadership are undermined at every turn.
We understand as we move higher in our education that knowledge is empowering.
The more we learn the better we become at recognizing situations that happen throughout life events; especially studies of human behavior and the human mind. Self-deception is traditionally known as the act of deceiving oneself or the state of being deceived by oneself. “Traditionally, self-deception has been modeled on interpersonal deception, where A intentionally gets B to believe some proposition p, all the while knowing or believing truly” (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, 2006). This study explains that the deception is intentional and it requires the deceiver to know or believe. Self-deception is seen as analogous to interpersonal deception of this sort because it helps distinguish self-deception from human error. The acquisition and the maintenance of the false belief is intentional not accidental. The deceiver will know they are deceiving and the deceived cannot know they are being deceived. Many philosophers are skeptical that self-deception is possible according to Stanford’s
study.
Self-Deception and its Effect on Interpersonal Relationships
When analyzing Stanford’s study and the wording of such actions one tends to think i have never done this. This legitimately sounds mean and wrong. Well in the parts of this book and the self-deception and the “box, we here Bud asking Tom if he has ever parked in a spot he shouldn’t then rush into business to make it seem like the errand is of more importance than it really is? He asks if Tom has ever held back information that could help someone else out in the workplace that could have helped a colleague out. He mentions a few more examples and this is the time that the reader realizes, we all have probably done this at least once in or lives. Bud goes on to explain that Tom may be hurting other more than he “thinks” he is helping them.
Self-Deception is a “Problem at the heart of the human sciences” (Institute, 2010). In the next section Bud goes on to explain some of his short coming or areas that he lacked in through a story of him leaving his new family to work on a project in San Francisco. I like that the first way he chooses to approach Tom is through an example of his own areas of lacking. In my life when I am trying to get a lesson across to a person I tend to put one of my issues, struggles, faults first to ease them into listening to what I have to say. I think it promotes communication on a better level. Buds example was so Tom could better understand self-deception; also called being in the box. Tom begins to understand what self-deception is as he reminisces of an ex-coworker who thought of no one but himself. Bud helps Tom to see that the ex-coworker did not see himself as the problem. Self-deception, the inability to see that one has a problem. Self-deception is the most common and the most damaging problem in organizations.
I recognize this in every workplace environment I have ever worked in. Ignaz Semmelweis, a European obstetrician in the mid-1800’s researched the mortality rate of women in his hospital as they were dying 1 to 10 in the maternity ward. Women were giving birth in the streets to stay away. The symptoms became known as “childbed fever” the precursor to germ theory. The doctor soon figured out that cadaver and other diseased patients were being transmitted to healthy patients on the hands of doctors. He sadly learned that they had killed numbers of patients through the spreading of germs. This germ spreading is compared to the spreading of self-deception in organizations.
The parable used in this book explores how we view and treat others as objects to help us accomplish whatever goals we may have, this is us in “our box.” When we are in the box we cannot see and we are limiting our full potential and goes against the way we should look upon others. Others are to be seen as we wish to be seen ourselves, not objects but as people with our own hopes, ideas, and dreams. A person who is self-deceptive hurts those around them by making them feel less than important. This act is the germ I described above that can easily spread throughout an organization. Bud explains that through his life lesson of working with encouraging people down to the realization of his harsh judgments of his troubled teen he had been living in the box and treating his close family members the same as well. This was the pivotal life changing moment that helped him to become better and realize how to change that behavior. Knowledge of the action helps one to recognize when they are doing something that is wrong.
The major factor in the information that I pulled from this study and book is that we have to keep our focus on the overall goals of what’s good for the organization. We can focus on purely our own good results but we are in the box at this time and cannot be the best for the team and the business.
Personal Experiences with Self-Deceptions
I have worked at quite a few different types of jobs over the years.
One of the places I worked for eight years I dealt with so many manipulations and areas that really mad me unhappy. I worked amongst low moral and ethical types. It was the bar business but this particular place I knew of girls stealing from the company and the company in a sense stealing from us. We were required to pay employees in a form of “tip-outs” that should have been paid by the employer. This created a bad vibe and in turn I watched stealing become routine. The employer broke many laws, by not paying us after 2 am although we worked till 3 and beyond many nights. We were brow beat by management in many ways and sexually harassed by bouncers. It was hard to leave as i had never made better money to this time in my
life.
My issues heightened when I started my BA here at CBU. Moving through the business program and studying Christianity and ethics, I became even more miserable there. I was angry.
I no longer work at this establishment but I can see were self-deception ran rabidly through the whole business as all we only worried about themselves and bot what was for the good of the organization. I battled the new changes trying to incorporated quality of quantity and ended dup losing the battle. The bar ended up being fired upon about two months later due to the poor treatment of customers when being thrown out of the bar, an issue I saw extremely often. Pepper spray and abuse was inflicted often upon drunken patrons.
Luckily no one was hurt during the shooting but the building was riddled with bullets and a few employees nearly hit. Management never explained nor shared the information to make the employees feel safe. They tried to hide the incident so the bar would not slow in revenues as the head bouncer had been killed five years prior.
I make about half the wages I did today which has been tuff but I do not regret leaving the establishment as I am so much happier working in a law abiding environment in my current occupation.
Summary
After reading and exploring the concept of self-deception and its effect on interpersonal relationships, the text has influenced me to understand how them to making changes in my life and to recognize when I may see wrong or be wrong in tan organization or at home.
I have experienced days where one person behind the bar working with our team has a bad attitude and lacks respect for us working alongside. The attitude spreads very easily amongst us as we work in high pressure environments. I usually try and lighten my own burdens but many of times have failed to be in a bad mood for quite a while. I generally like to be positive or at least smile and crack jokes to make work more enjoyable. I think that I will reference this book in many scenarios to come in my future and hopefully be able to see situations more clearly in the workplace and at home.
I enjoyed all the examples used in this story, it is easily comparable to real life experiences I have had. I plan in my future endeavors to hold myself accountable for my own actions and try and see the lessons that helped Bud change his life around. My goal in life is to be stable, in love, and happy. I hope to be able to use the conflict resolution explained in the storyline.
When I am in management one day I hope to be as inspiring of a leader as Bud was to Tom. I hope to inspire others and appreciate them so they will want to work hard for me. I want my employees, my children and fiancé to feel loved, valued, and limitless. I want people to see that I value them and their ideas. I talk endlessly with my step-daughter about her dreams and I try not to judge her. I try to help her figure out the right paths to take to reach her dreams and help her succeed in her endeavors. I wish someone had told me when I was younger that the sky was the limit and I was so amazing and had the ability to do whatever I wanted. That is how I try to be with those around me. I like to make them feel comfortable and that there is no mountain to high. My hopes after reading this book is that I will catch myself from here on out of I find myself in “the BOX.”

Works Cited
Institute, T. A. (2010). Leadership and Self-Deception. San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler Publishers.
Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy. (2006, October 17). Retrieved from Self-Deception: http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/self-deception/