The Importance Of Being Pathetic

I spent the rest of Saturday and Sunday at home in my room. Pathetic, I know, but I needed time alone to recuperate. I was so vulnerable outside of the diner with Justin and I hate myself for it. Why is it that when I finally let my guard down my heart gets trampled on?

I've kept my phone shut off because I didn't want to talk to any of the girls, and i most definitely didn't want to hear from Justin. I know I may be overreacting but I can't help it.

I know we aren't together and he has no obligations towards me, but it still hurt seeing him with her. The truth of him still loving her was like a hard slap against the face. I needed time to nurse and heal my wounds.

"Lilly? Are you hungry?" My mom waltz into my room with a plate filled with
This just sucks so much, you know? I finally admit to myself that he means something to me and then he's kissing his ex. And yeah, maybe she came onto him and that there's a million ways to justify what I saw. But it just reinforced the same old fears I have. Because he did love her once and he might still feel something for her. I just don't want to get hurt again," I say pitifully. I've been sounding like a broken record lately but it's all the truth. I'm terrified to trust Justin and to fall and land with the same resounding impact when my heart turns into smithereens.

My mother smooths back my baby hairs, smiling sadly. Her dark eyes regarded me with empathy, understanding my heart's turmoil since she's dealt with it before. The man who vowed to love her forever fell in love with another woman.

"I know your relationship with Bryce devastated you. He was a selfish, immature asshole and despite how hard it was to see you so broken because of him, I admit I was relieved when you told me it was over. Because he was stealing your spark baby. He just took, took, and kept on taking anything and everything from you, consuming your love to propel himself forward and left you empty. That glimmer in your eye was gone because of him. But you know what?" my mother asks, her amber eyes burning bright as she tried to get me to see things from her
You were no longer just a shell. You were my daughter again. And I'm not saying you need a boy to be happy, because your strength has always been inside you. He just tapped into what I could never ignite. Despite my efforts with our dinners together, forcing you to see your father hoping he could aid you, and so much else, that boy and his friends rekindled the person you've always been. The person who locked herself in the shadows for protection." She clasps my hands in earnest.

"You can't hide away forever. You're stronger than that. I can't make you do anything, but I know you'll do what you think is best. And despite being afraid of getting hurt, do you want to know the real reason you're probably upset?"

"What's the reason?" I mumble like a little girl. This felt like old times. My mom cooking my favorite breakfast whenever I'm upset and talking me through my