The Last Monologue

Hello there. It seems as though you have found me. Well I have a story for you that is in need of being told...if you sit and listen close you will understand the answer to the question you ask me,that is ‘why did you do it, why did you try to disappear?’ Well here is my story that needs to be told... The air is still, even though I am running… running from something, something I can only see in my mind, see the thing I see can not be explained other than it was never happy childhood. I don't understand how people go around talking how loving their moms and dads are. I can't relate to anyone I have meet so far. This thing I run from is the thing that I have wanted to escape for a long time. I have made it my goal to find something
I can't turn back now it is too late for that I am already running. Running to the destination, destination somewhere, somewhere away from here, here as in this place I have been trapped in for as long as I can I remember… the thing I remember are not the thing that most would not want to remember. I can't remember a time when she was happy to see me, you might be asking who “she” is well I will tell you if you are patient and don't judge me when I tell you that “she” is my mom. Her love for me is complicated for me to explain. The way she shows she me that she care, or at least pretends that she cares, is so different from what I have seen from everyone else's moms. This is why I run, run to escape what I thought was inescapable. Her eyes were so cold when she looked at me, I never saw one time when there was love in her eyes. She never hugged me, never tucked me in at night, I never could prove to her that I was different from him, him who I
I am now having that moment, I hate that I want to go back but I feel uneasy about this place that blocks my path to freedom, if I go around it then I can put all this behind me…. but what will happen then... where will I go after I move around this obstacle in my way? Will I have to face more obstacles? Will they be as easy to avoid? Will there forever be that feeling inside that longs for what was home? Now I am looking from the direction in which I came and toward the object that blocks the path to freedom...pondering as to which way to go from here. Maybe if I walk a straight line and only walk to the east I will eventually be at home again? Well no that can't be true I will end up on the beach, or in the desert, or maybe even to a hidden world that lies within the snowy forest. What if there were some way to leave without anyone noticing. My mother won't be home for 3 more days so she won’t know I’m gone until she returns. So I guess I can go back for 2 days to pack the necessities, then when I have everything I can leave… no I won’t, I'm never going back I took all the money in the house, my camping bag and my backpack full of clothes and water bottles, food that will not expire till next year, my iPad and its charger, I left my phone so that I can't be tracked. This is all I need I will find a place and make a camp, that will be my new home… the