The Trial Of Cousin Joe Monologue

So what you’re telling me is that if I tell my story in front of the jury I will get a lighter sentence? That reminds me of this one time where my cousin Joe, you know Cousin Joe right? Anyway, he was caught murdering five people and they locked him up real tight but if he sold out his accomplice he would get a lighter sentence. Cousin Joe only got life for his murders. That’s a deal if I’ve ever seen one. Cousin Joe is still waiting to be released to this day. Man, I can’t wait to see Cousin Joe. Anyway, what were we talkin’ about? Oh yeah, the robbery. It all started one day when I was takin’ these drugs, right, and I was as high as a kite. Like, my buddy asked me to spell ‘orange’ and I said the fruit or the colour. Woo boy was that stuff good. Anyway, I saw an old woman walk by me holding a bunch of medication. Like jesus lady, those pills the only thing keepin’ you alive? Well, as I said I was higher than the Sahara Desert, and I needed more of a buzz. So the next day when I wasn’t so high I decided I would break in to that old bat’s house. So I waited for the perfect time to rob a house – 8 o’clock. It would have definitely been passed that old bat’s bedtime. So I approached the little brick town house that she lived in that night. I snuck
There was this one time where Cousin Joe and me got in a fight as children and he beat the snot right outta me. So when I saw that lady screamin’ at me I knew it was time to go. I booked it over to the window but slipped on a patch of water that just appeared. I never saw it comin’. Before I knew it my face was on the hard concrete and that screamin’ lady was comin’ closer. I struggled to get up but slipped again on the water. The next thing I knew a large chair hit me in the back of the head. That lady was insane! The blow knocked me right out just like that fight with Cousin Joe. When I woke up I was being arrested! That crazy lady should be going to jail not