Transgender Identity Narrative

The phone rang one spring afternoon in my history class. “Jay, the vice principal needs to see you” my teacher informed me. Begrudgingly, I got up out of my seat and began the walk of shame towards the door. What did I do? My mind was racing, trying to come up with every possible bad thing I did during the week and how I would explain myself.

I walked into my vice principal’s office and sank down in the chair. She studied me and took a deep breath. “Jay, I have a favor to ask you. There is a student at the local middle school that is struggling with their gender identity and needs someone to talk to. Would you go talk to them”? I jumped at the opportunity to speak with another transgender teenager. I am a senior now, but when I came out as transgender as a high school freshmen, the world felt compressed and dark. I had no older trans role models at my school, and I was struggling to navigate the stress of high school and my identity by myself.
High school opened up a whole new territory for me.
I was confronted with people who did not share the same beliefs or morals as I did, and I started to question my own faith. I felt like a fish trying to swim upstream. Who was I? Where did I belong? I certainly wasn’t the popular girl, or the stellar soccer player, or even the biggest bookworm. I felt like some part of me was incomplete, that my own mind was trying to hide something from me. I was hospitalized for attempting suicide because I was so unhappy with who I was and my body. As I lay on that hospital bed I began to realize the truth about who I am. Being transgender is how I can make an impact on the
world.

I always knew I wanted to make a difference on my community, but I never knew how. The day my vice principal asked me to mentor a younger trans person I knew I had found my purpose. I remember feeling alone, and swore that if I got the chance, I would gladly help another transgender person in any way I could. I didn’t want to lose another trans life to suicide like I almost lost mine. Community is part of what shapes us, and as a member of the trans community I feel that it is my obligation and privilege to strengthen and empower others.

I am often the first transgender person people meet. My peers frequently ask “If you could be reborn, would you want to be a biological boy”? My answer to this question is simple. Being transgender is who I am. It’s how I can change the world. Being visible for the community is important, especially when others can’t be. I have had the opportunity to see people develop and become accepting of the LGBT+ community because of visibility and education.

Over the 3 years I have been visible, I have been able to help and mentor countless others, both in and outside the LGBT+ community. I talk with queers and allies alike and discuss their hardships and delights, and through this I have been able to learn more about myself as well. I learned that I can use my negative experiences for good, and it has helped me cope with my past. I learned that accepting help in life doesn’t make you weak, it means you were strong enough to admit you had a problem. But most importantly I learned that I still have a lot of growing to do. My story will always evolve and change the more I discover myself, and I can’t wait to see what I will become in the future.