Unexpected Change of Plans

An Unexpected Change of Plans As a senior in high school, I was looking forward to going to college. I was so anxious to be out on my own, and explore new freedom without any adult supervision. I was going to be totally on my own soon, and I could hardly stand having to wait until that upcoming August. My parents were not only proud of me for my academic grades, they were also proud of me for the softball scholarship I had received to Valdosta State University. At that time in my life, everything seemed to be going just right. Little did I know, my life was about to significantly change forever.
Back in January of 1997, I noticed a change in my behavior and my body. I was really tired all the time, and I had gained a few pounds. The biggest change was that I seemed to feel sick all the time. I felt really nauseated in the morning and when I smelled certain smells through out the day. At the time, I just thought I had come down with the flu or a horrible virus. However, this so called flu did not seem to get any better. About three weeks later, I went to the doctor. Since I am a female, they automatically wanted to do a pregnancy test on me just to make sure I was not pregnant. The pregnancy test turned up negative, which made me happy. The doctor found nothing wrong with me, and said, “Pamela, I think you are just stressed out with work, school, and sports. Just go home and take the next few days off, and I am sure you will feel much better.” I did what the doctor said, but after a couple of weeks passed I did not feel any better. Once again, I made another appointment, yet I felt like the appointment would not come soon enough. My appointment was on Friday, February 4, 1997. My doctor ordered several different blood tests for me, so he could rule out some possible diagnoses. I would not receive any of my results until the following Monday because the doctor’s office was closed over the weekend. I left the doctor’s office that Friday feeling a little worried, but I had no clue what I was going to find out the following Monday. I will never forget the day Monday, February 8, 1997, it was about noon, and I was at school, and I was supposed to be at lunch. However, I went to the Dean’s office to make a phone call to my doctor’s office to get my results from the blood work that I had previously had on Friday. I had the phone to my ear when I heard my life changing news: I was pregnant! I literally dropped the phone, which I broke, and I could not say a word for several minutes. Although crying was not going to change anything, that is all I could do at the moment, just cry. I was so shocked because just weeks ago my pregnancy test was negative. I knew there had to be a mistake! The doctor assured me that there was no mistake. I was pregnant. As I cried throughout that day, I thought “Now what am I supposed to do?” At the time, I thought my life was truly over. After a few days of thinking about my situation, I decided that having an abortion would be the best choice for me. Almost immediately after I made my decision, I called the abortion clinic to make my appointment. The receptionist at the clinic answered the phone. She took down my information, and put me on hold, so I thought to myself, “I want to do so much with my life, and having an abortion is best for everyone, so I have to be doing the right thing.” The receptionist took me off hold, and confirmed my appointment. At the time, my mind was made up, so no one or nothing was going to change my mind.
My doctor’s appointment for my abortion was a week away, and I just wanted to get this pregnancy thing behind me. The week went by very slowly, and then my appointment day came. Up until this day, I had thought I was doing the right thing, but now I was not so sure. Tami, my friend, took me to the abortion clinic, which had people with signs picketing the outside of the building. The clinic’s waiting room area had plain white walls, with no pictures. The coffee table, which I sat in front of, had Single Life magazines. I guess they wanted the people to realize how much fun they would have being single. After signing in, I sat there in the chair waiting my turn. When the receptionist called my name, the hairs stood up on my body. At that exact moment, I wanted to just walk out and leave, but I could not. I had already come this far, and I was not going to change my mind. The receptionist gave me some papers to fill out, but, before I could finish, the nurse called my name to go to the back. The friendly nurse was very petite with short red hair, and she had a very quiet voice. The nurse walked me back to the room where the procedure would take place. When I walked into the room, it was cold. The room had a metal- looking bed with a mattress and stirrups. Also, there was a rolling, metal table with surgical instruments lying neatly on the table. There was a sonogram machine, but at the time I thought it was just a fancy looking television. I thought to myself, “What am I doing?” Even though did not want to go through with the abortion, I knew it was best for everyone. I got dressed into the appropriate clothing, and then I lay up on the uncomfortable bed while I waited for the doctor. After five minutes passed, there was a double knock at the door and the doctor walked in. The doctor introduced herself as Dr. Smith. She was petite with short blonde hair and a big smile, and she looked to be about thirty five. While Dr. Smith was explaining the procedures, another woman entered the room to assist her. After doing the normal routine examination, the time had come. Dr. Smith hooked up the sonogram on me to locate the exact position of the baby, but forgot to make sure the screen was facing only her. At that moment, I knew I could not go through with this abortion because I was able to see my baby on the monitor. I saw my baby’s heart beating and the baby moving. Immediately, I yelled “Stop!” I knew right then that I could not go through with this procedure. The doctor rubbed my sweaty, shaky hands and said, “Only you know what is best, and if this is what you want, then I wish you the best. Raising a baby will be difficult, but I know you can do it.” The doctor quietly walked out of the small room. Immediately, I got dressed and left the clinic with my friend Tami. During the drive home, I was quiet, and I knew that my life was going to be different forever. Although, I did not know that in about six months I would be given the greatest reward that any woman can have. Six months went by very quickly. I worked almost forty hours a week every week, went to school everyday, but I was able to graduate with my class in June of 1997. Two months after graduation, my baby was born. Everything about having my baby was scary, but also rewarding. I had a little boy, and I named him Tyler. Since I was a young mother, raising Tyler has sometimes been difficult. However, he has been one of the biggest blessings in my life, and I would not change anything for the world.