what made me who i am now
What made you who you are now?
I asked myself, who am I now? How am I now? Honestly, it was quite hard for me to answer this and it made me realize how much I don’t know myself yet. But then I still tried to look back at what I do or how I usually am when I’m with my friends or whenever I am just alone. Then I realize how sad I actually am. Not in a way that I hate my life and in a way that I would want to kill myself and stuff like that but just sad for some reason that I can’t explain. I have to be honest that I’m not a positive person, not at all. I always think negative in a way that I would tell myself that I would just fail and nothing will happen to me and whatnot. I, then start to think to myself, what made me to become this kind of person? I’ve been an honor student ever since I was in preschool and even until now that I’m in third year high school. I’m the kind of child that was pressured all her life by her parents, oh wait, correction on that, by her whole family to stay on top of the class. I didn’t get tortured or spanks from them, they don’t get any item or material away from me whenever I commit a mistake. But whenever I get a grade lower than 90, what I get are words that hurt trying to make me feel stupid. Well, they are not trying to make me feel like that, but that is how I feel whenever they do. Getting an 80 on any exam will not please them, it’s either you get a grade higher than 95 or a hundred. When I got to high school, my grades sort of started to deteriorate. I know to myself that I also want this but not as much as how much they want this for me. I remember crying in the car after card distribution last year because my dad kept shouting at me for getting an 86 in one subject. I, myself, didn’t like that too but it hurt that he had to shout at me just for getting a grade lower than what he wants. Though I would do the same to myself but I would never do that to my child if I want him/her to become better. I know they’re doing this
I asked myself, who am I now? How am I now? Honestly, it was quite hard for me to answer this and it made me realize how much I don’t know myself yet. But then I still tried to look back at what I do or how I usually am when I’m with my friends or whenever I am just alone. Then I realize how sad I actually am. Not in a way that I hate my life and in a way that I would want to kill myself and stuff like that but just sad for some reason that I can’t explain. I have to be honest that I’m not a positive person, not at all. I always think negative in a way that I would tell myself that I would just fail and nothing will happen to me and whatnot. I, then start to think to myself, what made me to become this kind of person? I’ve been an honor student ever since I was in preschool and even until now that I’m in third year high school. I’m the kind of child that was pressured all her life by her parents, oh wait, correction on that, by her whole family to stay on top of the class. I didn’t get tortured or spanks from them, they don’t get any item or material away from me whenever I commit a mistake. But whenever I get a grade lower than 90, what I get are words that hurt trying to make me feel stupid. Well, they are not trying to make me feel like that, but that is how I feel whenever they do. Getting an 80 on any exam will not please them, it’s either you get a grade higher than 95 or a hundred. When I got to high school, my grades sort of started to deteriorate. I know to myself that I also want this but not as much as how much they want this for me. I remember crying in the car after card distribution last year because my dad kept shouting at me for getting an 86 in one subject. I, myself, didn’t like that too but it hurt that he had to shout at me just for getting a grade lower than what he wants. Though I would do the same to myself but I would never do that to my child if I want him/her to become better. I know they’re doing this