Why I Pursue My Major Accomplishments

I always loved school, and I was a fast learner. I was praised for my accomplishments at an early age and I believe that the satisfaction I gained from impressing others was motivation that impacted my future. I continued to do the best I could in school. My mother was very strict and tough on me when reviewing my work, ripping my essays if I wrote in sloppy handwriting and erasing all of my math problems if I got more than one wrong. It was emotionally difficult but I eventually toughened up, and her training made me a more diligent student. The only motivation I would have was the praise I would receive for amazing scores on my work. Eventually, I stopped being praised and it was devastating for me. I entered middle school and I continued
to put in all of my efforts into school in hopes of receiving that praise once again. The most I would get was a nod, an “ok”, and a monotonous “good for you”. Eventually I gave up stressing over school in 7th grade. I believed there was no point if there was no one there to acknowledge my efforts. In addition, I had been overhearing my aunt talk about my immigration status to my mother. She would say that all of my hard work put into school wouldn’t matter since I was undocumented, because I wouldn’t be able to continue my education anyway.
That deeply affected me and I unfortunately let it get to me. I believed I was inadequate so I stopped caring. However, around the beginning of 8th grade, a close aunt told me that it did not matter whether I was undocumented, anything is possible if you really exert yourself for your dreams. She also mentioned that I shouldn’t work hard for others, but for myself, because one day we’ll be alone and there will be no one else to praise us but ourselves. She helped me apply for DACA, and eventually, after a long, anxious process, I was accepted. Soon I started high school, and that’s when I took everything much more seriously. I worked extremely hard for myself now that I was sure I had a future. I set goals, managed my time, organized my classes and praised myself. However, I did feel alone. My parents were still constantly fighting. When they weren’t, my father was always too busy working for us to talk to me, and my mother was always too stressed and irritated to talk. My younger sister would block out the world and keep to herself. I would feel lonely after I finished all of my
homework. I never really focused on making close friends because I was always too busy with school work. I felt like my only purpose in life was school but I knew there was more to life than that. I realized I had developed social anxiety and depression. By the beginning of 11th grade, my mental illness had taken over me. I lost all motivation in school, and I had no energy to talk to anyone. I would sleep all day, and only wake up to do my homework halfheartedly. My grades dropped, I was misanthropic, apathetic, irritable and emotional. Until I saw one of my progress reports. I was horrified at what I had done with myself. I decided I needed to act fast if I wanted to keep my dreams, so I started going to therapy, and although it didn’t help my grades immediately, it has helped me, and my family. We began family therapy and we’ve learned how to communicate with each other and learn how to be an actual healthy, supportive family. I am now in my second semester of 11th grade, and that motivation for school I once had has returned, but stronger than ever.