Why It's Hard To Explain Anxiety

It's hard to explain anxiety to people because most of the time I don't understand it myself. Anxiety can happen at any time and any moment no matter what's going on or where you are. Many different people have many different types or forms of anxiety. I overanalyze and over think every little thing. I will stay up for hours at night thinking about some stupid little thing I said years ago that shouldn't matter now but in my brain it does. I second guess everything I do. I worry about should I send this text or is that to many heart emojis. Do I talk to much? I hope no one judges my outfit or my makeup. Do I annoy everyone around me? Why are these people even my friends? Why would someone want to be my friend and hang out with me? Why do people like me?
I also have low self esteem and that comes with the anxiety. Anxiety is tiring and hard work. It's also very hard to explain it. Anxiety is like feeling like you are drowning in a pool even if you are in a floatie. You think you are drowning and you are going to die but in reality you are perfectly safe. Though you are not able to tell yourself that you are safe because your brain just focus's on the fact that you could be drowning and might possibly die. It especially feels like that when you are having an anxiety attack. Personally I am someone who will bottle in all her emotions and not let anything get to her until one little tiny thing happens and it all comes crashing down. All those bottled up emotions result in horrible and terrifying anxiety attacks. Many of my anxiety attacks spring up from my bottled up emotions or my social anxiety. I have severe social anxiety. I am always scared of what people think of me. I feel like people won't like me if I be myself but that won't like me if I am being fake. I try my best to fit in and not be noticed by other people. I am definitely a wall