1000 Word Monologue

CLAIRE
That’s definitely something you would say. (Chuckles) I mean, you could do that here without having to make me spend the extra thousand dollars you know.

JACK
(Faint sarcasm) I mean I could, but staying indoors in a different state is radically different.
CLAIRE
(Says sarcastically and laughs) How? Please enlighten me. I love you to death, but sometimes I don’t understand how I raised you.

JACK
Ugh. I don’t know. Just being somewhere that isn’t here is better. It’s not that I don’t like it here. I just think it’s nice to be somewhere else. That wasn’t even English. I hate myself.

CLAIRE
I guess I understand. (Says gently while folding clothes and kisses Jack on the forehead.) Don’t say that about yourself, honey. You are a little
I mean I’m not going unless we go where I want, so he is going to have to deal with it I guess. (Continues to make circle shapes with pink paint on the easel.)

CLAIRE
I know you can be a bit stubborn, but it is your brother’s trip too. I mean as long as you have your music and paint, right?

JACK
You’re right. I guess I’m mean to Ryan for no reason sometimes. How do you always manage to do that?

CLAIRE
I’m your mother. It’s my job. (Laughs) By the way, do you think you could your brother how to study sometime? (Laughs)

JACK
You’re too funny. (Snarled) I mean, I could teach him, but he has the attention span of a turtle, so I don’t think it would be very successful.

(Footsteps are heard, followed by two pounds on the door.)

RYAN
Open up. I only have 5 minutes until the game starts back up again. (Grunts) What’s taking you so long?

JACK
(Opens the door and gives Ryan the evil eye) Well, hello to you too. (Smirks at mother) Are you ready to talk about what we’re going to do over the long weekend?

RYAN
Yeah, buddy. I want to go to the beach to pick up some hot chicks and throw some major house parties.
CLAIRE
Sweet boy, can you put these clothes away for me? I’m so tired. I had such a long day at work and the children wouldn’t nap for me. (Falls back onto bed)

JACK
Sure, after I finish painting and clean up my hands because I don’t want to get the clothes dirty.

CLAIRE
Thank you, honey.

JACK
Why don’t you just bribe the kids? (Smiles) Tell them that they can have a piece of chocolate or something if they just shut up and take a nap.

CLAIRE
I wish I could do that, Jack. I don’t think you understand how difficult it is to get a room of 5 year olds to take a nap during the middle of the day. It’s like trying to get Ryan to think about anything other than girls.

(Both Claire and Jack laugh hysterically)

JACK
(Gives her a high five) Good one, ma. Did you ever think about stand-up comedy? Some of the jokes you make up about Ryan are way too good.

CLAIRE
(Gets up and slowly walks down the hall to her bedroom) I’m going to go take a nap myself for a half hour. Wake me up when it’s dinner time.

JACK
Okay. After dinner, can you help me book the trip? I do need your credit card.

CLAIRE
(Voice faints) Yes, sweetie. Just remind me and we’ll look up some rental houses