Ap Psychology Midterm
CBT: When you know better, you do better!
Chaos: If you run your life controlled by your feelings.
Feelings 1st —Behavior 2nd —Belief 3rd ---Thoughts 4th
Effective Living: Run your life controlling your thoughts.
Thoughts 1st ---Belief 2nd ---Behavior 3rd ---Feelings 4th
BEHAVIOR MANAGEMENT
Take medication as prescribed (if you are)
Have a reinforcement team member(s)
Balanced eating
Regular sleeping
Regular exercise
Take care of physical health
Avoid substance abuse
Bio Social Theory
BIOLOGICAL:
A) People can have a biological vulnerability to emotions. These people are: 1) Sensitive 2) Reactive 3) Slow Return to Baseline
B) These people also have an inability to effectively regulate emotions. …show more content…
TRANSACTING WITH……
SOCIAL:
An invalidating enviroments (IE) communicate what you are feeling, thinking and doing is inaccurate, inappropriate, or wrong.
The invalidating environment (IE) often rejects, punishes and makes you feel “less than”—and then you begin to invalidate yourself….
Examples: “You’re so stupid!” “I don’t understand why you’re getting so upset.” “There’s something wrong with me.”
Sometimes there is a poor fit between the individual and the environment.
Over time this leads to….
Multiple Problems:
Confusion about self
Impulsivity
Emotional Instability
Interpersonal Problems
STEPPS SKILLS
DISTANCING: Step back, stop, notice, look, observe, don’t judge, breathe, slow down, rest, meditate, use relaxation techniques.
COMMUNICATING: Put words on what you are feeling. Be aware of common physical sensations of your emotional intensity.
CHALLENGING: Think about your situation differently, reframe it in a positive manner, challenge the automatic negative thoughts.
DISTRACTING: Get involved in using soothing activities, leisure activities, positive affirmations, and cheerleading statements.
MANAGINE PROBLEMS: Use problem solving skills to balance logic with emotion.
Interpersonal Relationship Skills:
Balance between maintaining self respect and maintaining the relationship.
Balance between enmeshment and disengagement.
Set healthy boundaries.
Interact in ways that make you feel competent and effective, not helpless and overly dependent.
Resolve interpersonal conflict. Resolve conflicts before they become overwhelming.
Repair relationships. Avoid abusive relationships. End hopeless relationships.
Be assertive. Stand up for yourself, your beliefs, your opinions. Get your opinions taken seriously.
Say “no” to unwanted requests.
Don’t let hurts and problems build up.
Act in a way that the other person keeps liking and respecting you.
Balance immediate goals for the good of the long-term relationship.
Suggestions for Life:
Don’t fight to change who you are.
Integrate who you are.
Accept and embrace who you are.
Find circumstances and people that are the best fit for you.
Don’t fight so much. Accept others’ faults. If we focus on the negative, it only makes the problem(s) worse.
What can you do to distract yourself and not let the person and/or the problem to ruin your life?
5 Areas of Deregulation: 1) Self 2) Emotions 3) Thinking 4) Behaviors 5) Relationships
When someone hurts you, don’t say something like “you were rude, etc.” Instead say, “your behavior felt rude when you and I felt hurt, etc.”
Avoid black and white thinking: All or nothing thinking.
My Goals for Therapy
1) List your reasons for attending therapy:
2) List some behaviors you are currently having trouble with:
3) List some changes you’d like to make as a result of therapy. Try to list one from each category: A) Emotional:
B) Physical:
C) Social:
D) Spiritual:
E) Intellectual/Educational:
Getting the most out of STEPPS:
1) Focus on the present; the here and now. 2) Assume personal responsibility for your behaviors. 3) Avoid blaming others. 4) Learn to listen to others. Be prepared to reflect back what you heard. 5) Experiment with new behaviors learned in therapy. 6) When giving feedback to family member(s) or leaders: A) Be specific, B) Give it as soon as possible, C) Be direct, D) Begin with something positive, E) Describe what you perceive and feel. 7) When receiving feedback from group members or leaders: A) Acknowledge the feedback (repeat what you heard the person say, B) Avoid making excuses, C) Seek clarification of anything you don’t understand, D) Try not to become defensive, E) You do not have to agree with the feedback given, but do listen and consider it. 8) Regularly review your goals. 9) Be patient! Change takes time and often continues beyond therapy. 10) Quit keeping score.
Special Future Plans or Events:
In what ways would you like to be different after therapy? Please be specific.
Common Negative Filters
(Adapted from Jeffrey Young’s Cognitive Therapy for Personality Disorders: A Schema-focused Approach, 1999. Professional Resource Press.)
1. Emotional Deprivation: You believe that your important needs (e.g., affection, protection, caring, etc.) will not be met by others. People with this filter have much difficulty trusting others, do not accept assistance from others, and appear very independent and, at times, aloof. This filter may have begun when someone very important to you (e.g., a parent or other significant relationship) did not provide for your needs.
Automatic thoughts associated with this filter may include: I have to take care of myself, because I can’t count on anyone else to care for me.
If someone acts like they care, they must want something from me.
No one can understand me.
I don’t deserve to get what I want or need.
Asking someone to do something for me is selfish.
No one will ever be there for me. No one will ever meet my needs.
Others: _____________________________________
Challenges to this filter may include:
There are some people who care about me.
___________ provides for some of my needs without expecting anything in return.
Although no one can fully understand me (or anyone else), there are people (e.g., friends, my therapist, etc.) who try to understand my needs and me.
I have learned who I can trust to be there for me.
Common Negative Filters Cont’d:
2. Abandonment: You believe that anyone you become close to will eventually leave you. One way or another, close relationships will end. To avoid the pain of feeling abandoned, people with this filter may avoid close relationships, or purposely (or subconsciously) do something to cause a relationship to end before the other person ends it. A past significant loss, or frequent times when you were left alone for extended periods of time (especially during childhood) may have set this filter.
Automatic thoughts associated with this filter may include:
Anyone who gets to know me will leave me.
He/she is going to leave me anyway, so I might as well end it now.
If someone really loves you, they will always be there for you.
Ultimately, I will be alone.
I can’t get close to someone, because they will eventually leave me.
Others: _______________________________________
Challenges to this filter may include:
_________________ has stuck with me, even through hard times.
Some people may have abandoned me in the past, but that doesn’t mean that everyone will.
I can find happiness without being totally loved by another person.
Others: __________________________________________
Common Negative Filters Cont’d:
3. Mistrust: You believe that others can not be trusted….that others will eventually take advantage of or abuse you in some way. Persons with this filter expect others to hurt, cheat, manipulate, lie, take advantage of, or put them down. Any hurt is intentional. People with this filter may think of attacking the other person first or put great effort into revenge. This filter may follow severe or ongoing abuse or unfair treatment from a significant other (especially a parent or parent figure).
Automatic thoughts associated with this filter may include:
I know I’ll eventually get hurt.
People are dangerous and not to be trusted.
People will hurt me. I must protect myself.
Any good time won’t last long, and will be followed by getting hurt.
Letting others know what I’m feeling makes me vulnerable.
Others can’t be trusted. People always take advantage of me.
My partner hurts me because he/she is so mean.
Others: _________________________________________
Challenges to this filter may include:
Although I have been hurt in the past, not everyone is out to get me.
______________ has not intentionally hurt me, and can be trusted.
Those close to me can be trusted not to hurt or take advantage of me.
Although there are dangerous people in the world, there are also good people.
I have learned who I can trust.
If someone I trust has occasionally hurt me, it is usually not intentional.
Others: ________________________________________
Common Negative Filters Cont’d:
4. Defectiveness/Social Undesirability: You believe that you are different from other people, flawed, bad, socially inept, or inferior, and, if you let others get to know you, they will realize this. This feeling of being flawed and inadequate often leads to a strong sense of shame. People with this filter may be hypersensitive to criticism, rejection, and blame, and are self-conscious and insecure around others. This filter may result from ongoing rejection by significant others, such as parents and peers.
Automatic thoughts associated with this filter may include:
No one understands me, because I am so different.
I don’t belong.
Everyone else if okay; I am the one who is not.
Others: ____________________________________
Challenges to this filter may include:
I am a lovable person.
I accept and like who I am.
I know there is room for improvement, and that I will continue to learn and grow through life, but I am satisfied with who I am at this time.
I am socially acceptable to others, and I feel a part of my usual social groups.
Others: ___________________________________________________
Common Negative Filters Cont’d:
5. Failure to Achieve: You believe that you are incapable of performing as well as your peers in areas such as work, school, or sports. People with this filter may feel stupid, inept, untalented, or ignorant, and often do not try to achieve because they believe that they will fail.
Automatic thoughts associated with this filter may include:
I can’t do it, so why even try?
I wish I could be like _______________________.
I was never any good at anything.
Others: ______________________________________________
Challenges to this filter may include:
I can achieve goals that I set out to accomplish.
I have a good understanding of my abilities, talents, skills, and gifts.
I can grow through situations I have no experiences with.
_________________ is a challenge I want to take on.
I am competent to handle day-to-day difficulties.
Others: ___________________________________________________
Common Negative Filters Cont’d:
6. Vulnerabilty to harm and illness: You believe that you are always on the verge of experiencing a major random catastrophe (financial, natural, medical, criminal, etc.). No matter how well things may be going, trouble is right around the corner. You believe you can’t handle life’s difficulties. People with this filter may take excessive precautions to protect themselves. They may avoid pleasant activities to avoid the pain of the hurt they believe will soon occur. Some people with this filter rely on others excessively for help in areas such as decision making and starting new tasks. This filter may have started after a significant trauma, such as an illness or loss of an important person.
Automatic thoughts associated with this filter may include:
Nothing will ever work out. I will be sick forever.
I know ________________ (good thing) won’t last. Sooner or later it will end and something really bad will happen.
I should prepare for the worst, or I will be disappointed.
Others: _________________________________________
Challenges to this filter may include:
Activities that bring about positive responses, such as pleasure, calm, relaxation, etc., are desirable, attainable, and a normal part of healthy living.
Play is healthy, whether done alone or with others. Play relaxes and brings balance to life.
Though a situation may appear to be catastrophic, I can deal with most anything life throws me, by myself or with the help of others.
Some bad things may have happened in my life, but that does not mean I am always going to be hurt.
Others: _________________________________________________
Common Negative Filter Cont’d:
7. Self-sacrifice: You believe that you must sacrifice your own needs in order to help others. People with this filter feel guilty when they pay attention to their own needs. To avoid this guilt, they put others’ needs ahead of their own. Helping others may give them a sense of identity. This filter often leads to a sense that one’s own needs are not being adequately met, and they resent those they are taking care of. Some people alternate between self-sacrifice and entitlement. This filter may be related to having excessive demands placed on you, especially during childhood.
Automatic thoughts associated with this filter may include:
To be good, moral, and a worthwhile person, I must help everyone who needs it.
It is best to give up my own interests in order to please others people.
I cannot be happy if others dislike me.
Saying “no” to someone is selfish.
Others: __________________________________________________
Challenges to this filter may include:
I don’t have to give to others to be accepted. I can choose to give.
While it is good to do things for others, even if it involves sacrifice, I am no good to anyone else if my needs are not being met.
I can help others without having to lose myself.
Others: __________________________________________________
Common Negative Filter Cont’d:
8. Subugation: You believe you must submit to others in order to avoid negative consequences. You surrender control over your behavior, emotional expression, and decisions because you feel coerced by others. People with this filter often fear that others will get angry or reject them if they don’t submit. They may believe their own desires, opinions, and feelings are not valid or important to others. People with this filter are excessively accommodating, and may be hypersensitive to feeling trapped. Anger is often suppressed when this filter is active. They sense that they have no individual identity or inner direction. They may become excessively emotionally involved with significant others at the expense of their own individual development. This filter may start when one is constantly invalidated, and made dependent on another.
Automatic thoughts associated with this filter may include:
My feelings are not important.
I need someone to rely on. I can’t cope on my own.
I need to be taken care of by someone all the time.
It’s best to give up my own interests to please others.
Others: ___________________________________________________
Challenges to this filter may include:
Well-defined boundaries are healthy.
I don’t have to let someone to control me.
I am responsible for my own life. I don’t have to depend upon or submit to the will of others.
Others: ____________________________________________________
Common Negative Filters Cont’d:
9. Unrelenting Standards: You believe that whatever you do is not good enough, and not acceptable to yourself or others. You believe you must strive to meet excessively high standards of behavior and performance to avoid criticism (from yourself and others). People with this filter may place excessive emphasis on status, wealth, and power at the expense of relationships, health, and happiness. People with this filter often have difficulty slowing down, feel pressured, and are very critical of themselves and others. This filter may be rooted in perfectionistic standards of parents and/or peers.
Automatic thoughts associated with this filter may include:
People will think less of me if I make a mistake.
Asking for help is a sign of weakness.
If I cannot do something well (right) there is no point in doing it at all.
Others: _____________________________________________________
Challenges to this filter may include:
I don’t have to perform well to be acceptable. I have value because I am a human being.
I accept that nobody is perfect, including myself.
Simply enjoying the pleasures of life and others is a worthy goal.
There is no value to getting upset about making a mistake.
Finished beats perfect.
Others: ______________________________________________________
Common Negative Filters Cont’d:
10.
Entitlement: You believe you should be able to do, say, or have whatever you want, right now, regardless of whether that hurts others or seems unreasonable to them. Others (and society) owe you. People with this filter have an excessive tendency to assert their power, force their point of view on, or control others. People with this filter may be very demanding, are not interested in what other people need, and are often not aware of the long-term costs of alienating others. This filter can be a reaction to adverse events in one’s life.
Automatic thoughts associated with this filter may include:
_________________________ (person, organization, or society) owes me.
I deserve to have what I want, now.
I should be able to have ______________________________________.
Others: ___________________________________________________
Challenges to this filter may include:
No one owes me anything.
I don’t need ________________________, if it will hurt or harm someone else.
I can’t always get what I want, when I want it.
Others: ____________________________________________________
A helpful resource for understanding filters, their impact, and how to challenge them is: Young, J.E. & Kolsco, J.S. (1993). Reinventing Your Life. Penguin Books.
Negative Filters Automatic/Distorted Challenge Thoughts Thoughts
Emotional People will eventually Some people
Deprivation leave me. may leave, I am alone. but
others will stay.
Mistrust Eventually I will be I am learning betrayed. who I can trust and not trust.
Social I don’t belong in a I am learning
Defectiveness social group. to accept
And something is wrong myself and
Undesirability with me. and I am liked by some people.
Failure to I will never amount I can and
Achieve to anything. have achieved goals.
Vulnerabilty I will never be ok. I have done hard things.
To Harm and Something bad is always I can do hard things.
Illness bound to happen. Some things work out fine. Self Sacrifice Others needs always It is ok come before my to say needs. yes or no to others. My needs count, too.
Subjugation Others are better I am of than and more value more important than and can me. for respect.
Negative Filter Automatic/Distorted Challenge Thoughts Thoughts
Unrelenting I must get it right It is ok to
Standards or others will think make a less of me. mistake. I am constantly learning and growing. Entitlement I need to have things My needs are go my way; even at not always the expense of others first: It is ok needs. if things don’t go my way.
Filters
Filters are ideas, not truth.
Filters are important beliefs about oneself and the world.
Filters are accepted without question.
Filters are absolute, not conditional.
Filters are self-perpetuating. Leads to other beliefs based on the filter.
Filters are very resistant to change. They are usually outside our awareness.
Filters operate in subtle ways.
Filters are activated or triggered by events and, once activated, control our thoughts.
Filters initiate extreme, intense emotions, thoughts, and often destructive behaviors.
Filters are difficult to identify.
Filters persist until therapy is focused on modifying them.
Filters allow us to survive, but not heal or recover.
Filters are maintained through distorted thoughts and self-defeating behavior patterns. Therapy involves identifying and challenging these distortions, and identifying and changing self-defeating behaviors.
People often avoid triggering the upsetting feelings associated with unhelpful filters by trying not to think about thoughts, avoiding situations, or not feeling the feelings associated with these filters. People may also act in a manner that is opposite of a filter to avoid triggering it.
Chaos: If you run your life controlled by your feelings.
Feelings 1st —Behavior 2nd —Belief 3rd ---Thoughts 4th
Effective Living: Run your life controlling your thoughts.
Thoughts 1st ---Belief 2nd ---Behavior 3rd ---Feelings 4th
BEHAVIOR MANAGEMENT
Take medication as prescribed (if you are)
Have a reinforcement team member(s)
Balanced eating
Regular sleeping
Regular exercise
Take care of physical health
Avoid substance abuse
Bio Social Theory
BIOLOGICAL:
A) People can have a biological vulnerability to emotions. These people are: 1) Sensitive 2) Reactive 3) Slow Return to Baseline
B) These people also have an inability to effectively regulate emotions. …show more content…
TRANSACTING WITH……
SOCIAL:
An invalidating enviroments (IE) communicate what you are feeling, thinking and doing is inaccurate, inappropriate, or wrong.
The invalidating environment (IE) often rejects, punishes and makes you feel “less than”—and then you begin to invalidate yourself….
Examples: “You’re so stupid!” “I don’t understand why you’re getting so upset.” “There’s something wrong with me.”
Sometimes there is a poor fit between the individual and the environment.
Over time this leads to….
Multiple Problems:
Confusion about self
Impulsivity
Emotional Instability
Interpersonal Problems
STEPPS SKILLS
DISTANCING: Step back, stop, notice, look, observe, don’t judge, breathe, slow down, rest, meditate, use relaxation techniques.
COMMUNICATING: Put words on what you are feeling. Be aware of common physical sensations of your emotional intensity.
CHALLENGING: Think about your situation differently, reframe it in a positive manner, challenge the automatic negative thoughts.
DISTRACTING: Get involved in using soothing activities, leisure activities, positive affirmations, and cheerleading statements.
MANAGINE PROBLEMS: Use problem solving skills to balance logic with emotion.
Interpersonal Relationship Skills:
Balance between maintaining self respect and maintaining the relationship.
Balance between enmeshment and disengagement.
Set healthy boundaries.
Interact in ways that make you feel competent and effective, not helpless and overly dependent.
Resolve interpersonal conflict. Resolve conflicts before they become overwhelming.
Repair relationships. Avoid abusive relationships. End hopeless relationships.
Be assertive. Stand up for yourself, your beliefs, your opinions. Get your opinions taken seriously.
Say “no” to unwanted requests.
Don’t let hurts and problems build up.
Act in a way that the other person keeps liking and respecting you.
Balance immediate goals for the good of the long-term relationship.
Suggestions for Life:
Don’t fight to change who you are.
Integrate who you are.
Accept and embrace who you are.
Find circumstances and people that are the best fit for you.
Don’t fight so much. Accept others’ faults. If we focus on the negative, it only makes the problem(s) worse.
What can you do to distract yourself and not let the person and/or the problem to ruin your life?
5 Areas of Deregulation: 1) Self 2) Emotions 3) Thinking 4) Behaviors 5) Relationships
When someone hurts you, don’t say something like “you were rude, etc.” Instead say, “your behavior felt rude when you and I felt hurt, etc.”
Avoid black and white thinking: All or nothing thinking.
My Goals for Therapy
1) List your reasons for attending therapy:
2) List some behaviors you are currently having trouble with:
3) List some changes you’d like to make as a result of therapy. Try to list one from each category: A) Emotional:
B) Physical:
C) Social:
D) Spiritual:
E) Intellectual/Educational:
Getting the most out of STEPPS:
1) Focus on the present; the here and now. 2) Assume personal responsibility for your behaviors. 3) Avoid blaming others. 4) Learn to listen to others. Be prepared to reflect back what you heard. 5) Experiment with new behaviors learned in therapy. 6) When giving feedback to family member(s) or leaders: A) Be specific, B) Give it as soon as possible, C) Be direct, D) Begin with something positive, E) Describe what you perceive and feel. 7) When receiving feedback from group members or leaders: A) Acknowledge the feedback (repeat what you heard the person say, B) Avoid making excuses, C) Seek clarification of anything you don’t understand, D) Try not to become defensive, E) You do not have to agree with the feedback given, but do listen and consider it. 8) Regularly review your goals. 9) Be patient! Change takes time and often continues beyond therapy. 10) Quit keeping score.
Special Future Plans or Events:
In what ways would you like to be different after therapy? Please be specific.
Common Negative Filters
(Adapted from Jeffrey Young’s Cognitive Therapy for Personality Disorders: A Schema-focused Approach, 1999. Professional Resource Press.)
1. Emotional Deprivation: You believe that your important needs (e.g., affection, protection, caring, etc.) will not be met by others. People with this filter have much difficulty trusting others, do not accept assistance from others, and appear very independent and, at times, aloof. This filter may have begun when someone very important to you (e.g., a parent or other significant relationship) did not provide for your needs.
Automatic thoughts associated with this filter may include: I have to take care of myself, because I can’t count on anyone else to care for me.
If someone acts like they care, they must want something from me.
No one can understand me.
I don’t deserve to get what I want or need.
Asking someone to do something for me is selfish.
No one will ever be there for me. No one will ever meet my needs.
Others: _____________________________________
Challenges to this filter may include:
There are some people who care about me.
___________ provides for some of my needs without expecting anything in return.
Although no one can fully understand me (or anyone else), there are people (e.g., friends, my therapist, etc.) who try to understand my needs and me.
I have learned who I can trust to be there for me.
Common Negative Filters Cont’d:
2. Abandonment: You believe that anyone you become close to will eventually leave you. One way or another, close relationships will end. To avoid the pain of feeling abandoned, people with this filter may avoid close relationships, or purposely (or subconsciously) do something to cause a relationship to end before the other person ends it. A past significant loss, or frequent times when you were left alone for extended periods of time (especially during childhood) may have set this filter.
Automatic thoughts associated with this filter may include:
Anyone who gets to know me will leave me.
He/she is going to leave me anyway, so I might as well end it now.
If someone really loves you, they will always be there for you.
Ultimately, I will be alone.
I can’t get close to someone, because they will eventually leave me.
Others: _______________________________________
Challenges to this filter may include:
_________________ has stuck with me, even through hard times.
Some people may have abandoned me in the past, but that doesn’t mean that everyone will.
I can find happiness without being totally loved by another person.
Others: __________________________________________
Common Negative Filters Cont’d:
3. Mistrust: You believe that others can not be trusted….that others will eventually take advantage of or abuse you in some way. Persons with this filter expect others to hurt, cheat, manipulate, lie, take advantage of, or put them down. Any hurt is intentional. People with this filter may think of attacking the other person first or put great effort into revenge. This filter may follow severe or ongoing abuse or unfair treatment from a significant other (especially a parent or parent figure).
Automatic thoughts associated with this filter may include:
I know I’ll eventually get hurt.
People are dangerous and not to be trusted.
People will hurt me. I must protect myself.
Any good time won’t last long, and will be followed by getting hurt.
Letting others know what I’m feeling makes me vulnerable.
Others can’t be trusted. People always take advantage of me.
My partner hurts me because he/she is so mean.
Others: _________________________________________
Challenges to this filter may include:
Although I have been hurt in the past, not everyone is out to get me.
______________ has not intentionally hurt me, and can be trusted.
Those close to me can be trusted not to hurt or take advantage of me.
Although there are dangerous people in the world, there are also good people.
I have learned who I can trust.
If someone I trust has occasionally hurt me, it is usually not intentional.
Others: ________________________________________
Common Negative Filters Cont’d:
4. Defectiveness/Social Undesirability: You believe that you are different from other people, flawed, bad, socially inept, or inferior, and, if you let others get to know you, they will realize this. This feeling of being flawed and inadequate often leads to a strong sense of shame. People with this filter may be hypersensitive to criticism, rejection, and blame, and are self-conscious and insecure around others. This filter may result from ongoing rejection by significant others, such as parents and peers.
Automatic thoughts associated with this filter may include:
No one understands me, because I am so different.
I don’t belong.
Everyone else if okay; I am the one who is not.
Others: ____________________________________
Challenges to this filter may include:
I am a lovable person.
I accept and like who I am.
I know there is room for improvement, and that I will continue to learn and grow through life, but I am satisfied with who I am at this time.
I am socially acceptable to others, and I feel a part of my usual social groups.
Others: ___________________________________________________
Common Negative Filters Cont’d:
5. Failure to Achieve: You believe that you are incapable of performing as well as your peers in areas such as work, school, or sports. People with this filter may feel stupid, inept, untalented, or ignorant, and often do not try to achieve because they believe that they will fail.
Automatic thoughts associated with this filter may include:
I can’t do it, so why even try?
I wish I could be like _______________________.
I was never any good at anything.
Others: ______________________________________________
Challenges to this filter may include:
I can achieve goals that I set out to accomplish.
I have a good understanding of my abilities, talents, skills, and gifts.
I can grow through situations I have no experiences with.
_________________ is a challenge I want to take on.
I am competent to handle day-to-day difficulties.
Others: ___________________________________________________
Common Negative Filters Cont’d:
6. Vulnerabilty to harm and illness: You believe that you are always on the verge of experiencing a major random catastrophe (financial, natural, medical, criminal, etc.). No matter how well things may be going, trouble is right around the corner. You believe you can’t handle life’s difficulties. People with this filter may take excessive precautions to protect themselves. They may avoid pleasant activities to avoid the pain of the hurt they believe will soon occur. Some people with this filter rely on others excessively for help in areas such as decision making and starting new tasks. This filter may have started after a significant trauma, such as an illness or loss of an important person.
Automatic thoughts associated with this filter may include:
Nothing will ever work out. I will be sick forever.
I know ________________ (good thing) won’t last. Sooner or later it will end and something really bad will happen.
I should prepare for the worst, or I will be disappointed.
Others: _________________________________________
Challenges to this filter may include:
Activities that bring about positive responses, such as pleasure, calm, relaxation, etc., are desirable, attainable, and a normal part of healthy living.
Play is healthy, whether done alone or with others. Play relaxes and brings balance to life.
Though a situation may appear to be catastrophic, I can deal with most anything life throws me, by myself or with the help of others.
Some bad things may have happened in my life, but that does not mean I am always going to be hurt.
Others: _________________________________________________
Common Negative Filter Cont’d:
7. Self-sacrifice: You believe that you must sacrifice your own needs in order to help others. People with this filter feel guilty when they pay attention to their own needs. To avoid this guilt, they put others’ needs ahead of their own. Helping others may give them a sense of identity. This filter often leads to a sense that one’s own needs are not being adequately met, and they resent those they are taking care of. Some people alternate between self-sacrifice and entitlement. This filter may be related to having excessive demands placed on you, especially during childhood.
Automatic thoughts associated with this filter may include:
To be good, moral, and a worthwhile person, I must help everyone who needs it.
It is best to give up my own interests in order to please others people.
I cannot be happy if others dislike me.
Saying “no” to someone is selfish.
Others: __________________________________________________
Challenges to this filter may include:
I don’t have to give to others to be accepted. I can choose to give.
While it is good to do things for others, even if it involves sacrifice, I am no good to anyone else if my needs are not being met.
I can help others without having to lose myself.
Others: __________________________________________________
Common Negative Filter Cont’d:
8. Subugation: You believe you must submit to others in order to avoid negative consequences. You surrender control over your behavior, emotional expression, and decisions because you feel coerced by others. People with this filter often fear that others will get angry or reject them if they don’t submit. They may believe their own desires, opinions, and feelings are not valid or important to others. People with this filter are excessively accommodating, and may be hypersensitive to feeling trapped. Anger is often suppressed when this filter is active. They sense that they have no individual identity or inner direction. They may become excessively emotionally involved with significant others at the expense of their own individual development. This filter may start when one is constantly invalidated, and made dependent on another.
Automatic thoughts associated with this filter may include:
My feelings are not important.
I need someone to rely on. I can’t cope on my own.
I need to be taken care of by someone all the time.
It’s best to give up my own interests to please others.
Others: ___________________________________________________
Challenges to this filter may include:
Well-defined boundaries are healthy.
I don’t have to let someone to control me.
I am responsible for my own life. I don’t have to depend upon or submit to the will of others.
Others: ____________________________________________________
Common Negative Filters Cont’d:
9. Unrelenting Standards: You believe that whatever you do is not good enough, and not acceptable to yourself or others. You believe you must strive to meet excessively high standards of behavior and performance to avoid criticism (from yourself and others). People with this filter may place excessive emphasis on status, wealth, and power at the expense of relationships, health, and happiness. People with this filter often have difficulty slowing down, feel pressured, and are very critical of themselves and others. This filter may be rooted in perfectionistic standards of parents and/or peers.
Automatic thoughts associated with this filter may include:
People will think less of me if I make a mistake.
Asking for help is a sign of weakness.
If I cannot do something well (right) there is no point in doing it at all.
Others: _____________________________________________________
Challenges to this filter may include:
I don’t have to perform well to be acceptable. I have value because I am a human being.
I accept that nobody is perfect, including myself.
Simply enjoying the pleasures of life and others is a worthy goal.
There is no value to getting upset about making a mistake.
Finished beats perfect.
Others: ______________________________________________________
Common Negative Filters Cont’d:
10.
Entitlement: You believe you should be able to do, say, or have whatever you want, right now, regardless of whether that hurts others or seems unreasonable to them. Others (and society) owe you. People with this filter have an excessive tendency to assert their power, force their point of view on, or control others. People with this filter may be very demanding, are not interested in what other people need, and are often not aware of the long-term costs of alienating others. This filter can be a reaction to adverse events in one’s life.
Automatic thoughts associated with this filter may include:
_________________________ (person, organization, or society) owes me.
I deserve to have what I want, now.
I should be able to have ______________________________________.
Others: ___________________________________________________
Challenges to this filter may include:
No one owes me anything.
I don’t need ________________________, if it will hurt or harm someone else.
I can’t always get what I want, when I want it.
Others: ____________________________________________________
A helpful resource for understanding filters, their impact, and how to challenge them is: Young, J.E. & Kolsco, J.S. (1993). Reinventing Your Life. Penguin Books.
Negative Filters Automatic/Distorted Challenge Thoughts Thoughts
Emotional People will eventually Some people
Deprivation leave me. may leave, I am alone. but
others will stay.
Mistrust Eventually I will be I am learning betrayed. who I can trust and not trust.
Social I don’t belong in a I am learning
Defectiveness social group. to accept
And something is wrong myself and
Undesirability with me. and I am liked by some people.
Failure to I will never amount I can and
Achieve to anything. have achieved goals.
Vulnerabilty I will never be ok. I have done hard things.
To Harm and Something bad is always I can do hard things.
Illness bound to happen. Some things work out fine. Self Sacrifice Others needs always It is ok come before my to say needs. yes or no to others. My needs count, too.
Subjugation Others are better I am of than and more value more important than and can me. for respect.
Negative Filter Automatic/Distorted Challenge Thoughts Thoughts
Unrelenting I must get it right It is ok to
Standards or others will think make a less of me. mistake. I am constantly learning and growing. Entitlement I need to have things My needs are go my way; even at not always the expense of others first: It is ok needs. if things don’t go my way.
Filters
Filters are ideas, not truth.
Filters are important beliefs about oneself and the world.
Filters are accepted without question.
Filters are absolute, not conditional.
Filters are self-perpetuating. Leads to other beliefs based on the filter.
Filters are very resistant to change. They are usually outside our awareness.
Filters operate in subtle ways.
Filters are activated or triggered by events and, once activated, control our thoughts.
Filters initiate extreme, intense emotions, thoughts, and often destructive behaviors.
Filters are difficult to identify.
Filters persist until therapy is focused on modifying them.
Filters allow us to survive, but not heal or recover.
Filters are maintained through distorted thoughts and self-defeating behavior patterns. Therapy involves identifying and challenging these distortions, and identifying and changing self-defeating behaviors.
People often avoid triggering the upsetting feelings associated with unhelpful filters by trying not to think about thoughts, avoiding situations, or not feeling the feelings associated with these filters. People may also act in a manner that is opposite of a filter to avoid triggering it.