Ap Psychology Review Sheet Summary

Chapter 1 – Relationship Resume
Attachment styles Secure – low avoidance/low anxiety Preoccupied – low avoidance/high anxiety → nervous and clingy Avoidant Dismissing – high avoidance/low anxiety → self-reliant, uninterested Fearful – high avoidance/high anxiety → afraid of rejection, suspicious, angry
Big 5 Personality Traits – low to high continuum, influence relationship quality Extraversion Agreeableness Conscientiousness Neuroticism = negative impact Openness to experience
Sociometer theory (related to self-esteem) Subjective gauge “When others like us, we like ourselves”
Chapter 2 – Creating Knowledge
Quantitative data (numbers) vs. Qualitative data (anything but numbers)
Correlational design – determines
whether 2 things are related (not that one causes another)
Experimental design – comparing groups via controlled manipulation and randomizations (allows for cause to be determined)
Developmental designs Longitudinal – follow over time Cross-sectional – understand development by looking at people at different stages Values beliefs
Time period, historical context
Retrospective – recall different times in relationship
Data
Self-report Self-serving bias – seeing only what you want/expect to see Social desirability bias – when people perceive there’s a socially acceptable response = lying Couple reports – both members Observations Experience sampling – tiny piece to analyze Coding – numerical Reactivity – behave differently when watched Physiological measures Archive – information already exists
Ethics – informed consent, minimize psychological distress, do no physical harm
IRB – institutional review board
Chapter 3 - Attraction
Direct rewards (obvious benefits – approval, affection, companionship, etc)
Indirect rewards (benefits we receive by association – status, power, similarity)
What facilitates attraction?
Proximity, mere exposure
Men value physical attractiveness more than women
Interactions
Less attractive women still interact with men Less attractive men interact less with women
Beauty bias – people assume beautiful people have better qualities, beauty has its benefits (job promotions, make more money) but beauty is often confused with talent. Beautiful people may be viewed as vain and promiscuous causing them to be lied to more and distrust praise
Contrast effect – what happens when we compare ourselves to attractive people, the average person is lower (Playboy study)
Matching – we tent to pair with someone who shares our level of physical attractiveness The more similar the
better We may date up, but we almost never date down When matching diminishes, it causes conflict
Mate value – all the traits that attract partners to us (wealth, health, talent, personality), provides a base for our standards
Desirability – physical attractiveness x probability of acceptance (best acceptance is from choosy partners)
Similarity
Perceived vs. actual similarity (ideal selves) We become more similar over time
Complementarity
We compensate for each other Based on talent/experience More of a behavioral exchange
Stimulus-Value-Role theory Stimulus – characteristics that attract us Value – do you like the same things? Role – do you have the same ideas about what makes a good partner/spouse/parent/marriage/life? Roles we take on in families Fundamental beliefs
Reactance – if someone tries to take away our freedom or limit our choices, we struggle against that
Romeo and Juliet effect – if we cant be with someone = more desirable
The “Closing Time” effect – people who are left become more attractive
Chapter 4 – Social Cognition
Social cognition – the process of perception/judgment with which we make sense of the world How we think about relationships effects how we experience them
The Primacy effect – our 1st knowledge about someone (first impression) holds more weight (acts as a filter for things learned later)
Confirmation bias – we seek information that’ll prove us right People are overly confident that they have made accurate descriptions about others Over time, people become more confident but accuracy remains the same
Positive illusions – good traits = wonderful, downplay the negative traits Created through interpretations Defiance’s are less important, commonplace, and routine Positive qualities are rare, unique, and special We judge our partners more positively than others or ourselves
Attributions – how we explain why our partner did (or didn’t) do something Observe same behavior in different ways Happy couples make relationship-enhancing attributions Negative behavior = external, unstable, specific to situations Positive behavior = internal and stable Unhappy couples make distress-maintaining attributions Negative behavior = internal and stable Positive behavior – external, unstable, specific to situations
Actor/observer effects – generate different explanations for our own behavior
Self-serving biases – take credit for success, but avoid responsibility for our shortcomings We are aware of our own good intentions, judge others actions at face value
Chapter 5 - Communication
The communication process Senders Intentions * Senders Actions * Effect on Listener
* = Potential points of miscommunication b/c of interference/interpretation
Interpersonal gap – when sender’s intentions do not equal the effect on the receiver
Facial expressions – universal signs of emotion Display rules – when you can/can’t express certain emotions Hiding true emotions (examples) Intensify – gift giving = act excited Minimize – fear @ a haunted house Neutralize – poker face Mask – feel one emotion, but show another
Gazing – the direction and amount of eye contact communicated interest
Touch
Way to gain information (handshake) Dominance – high status touches low status
Visual dominance ratio – when powerful people are speaking we look at them (and they demand it)
Interpersonal distance (culturally specific) – indicates level of intimacy, status
Paralanguage – how a person speaks (rhythm, pitch, loudness) Lovers use different paralanguage (longer delays, more silence)
Nonverbal sensitivity Reading nonverbal cues linked to relationship satisfaction (women are better at it) Both men and women in unhappy marriages have difficulty reading nonverbal cues Differences: women smile more, touch less, smaller interpersonal distance, use submissive paralanguage
Self-disclosure – the process of revealing information Immediate closeness Amount of self-disclose is linked to relationship satisfaction – women disclose more than men in established relationships but less to strangers Coming out – important act of self-disclosure Aware of same sex attraction – 12 Identify as gay – 16 First same-sex experience – 17 Come out to first person – 18 Come out to parent – 19 Stranger-on-a-plane – sometimes we disclose a great deal to strangers High benefit/low cost
Social penetration theory – the development of a relationship is systematically tied to changes in communication Begin shallow and narrow, then increase in breadth and depth Reciprocity – we reciprocate level of self-disclosure
Relationship Olympics Triangle test – looking at partner’s response to a third person Endurance test – partner has to endure something unpleasant or be denied something good Separation test – partner doesn’t see you for a while, to see how they act during reunion
Communication minefield Kitchen sinking – know partner is listening so air all grievances at once Off-beam – start of discussing one problem, drift to others Mindreading – making assumptions about partners thoughts/feelings Interruptions – cutting partner off Yes…but – explaining why all potential solutions won’t work Cross-complaining – offer own complaint as response to partner’s problem rather than addressing it
4 horsemen of the apocalypse (Gottman) Criticism – attacking personality/character Contempt – most problematic, insults, mockery, hostile humor (sarcasm to make partner feel stupid/small) Defensiveness – responses equally negative Stonewalling – emotionally shutting down, cutting off conversation
Strategies for better communication Behavior description – what bothers you? Focus on discrete behaviors Avoids “always” and “never” I-statement (how partner makes you feel) XYZ statement – “when you do X in situation Y, I feel Z” X/Y = behavior description, Z = I-statement Paraphrasing – repeat what partner has said in your own words Perception checking – “You seem sad” – ask rather than assume
Chapter 6 – Social Exchange Theory
Social Exchange theory – economic view of relationships Social exchange – social life entails a mutual exchange of desirable rewards with others Both partners must feel like they’re getting a “good deal” Maximize rewards, minimize costs
Rewards – anything we see as positive in a relationship
Costs – anything punishing or negative (both rewards/costs determined individually)
Motivation (these 2 dimensions operate independently: fulfilled ←→ unfulfilled) Approach motivation – we seek positive experiences (rewards) Avoidance motivation – we avoid negative outcomes (costs)
Rewards – Costs = Outcomes Positive rewards are not enough Evaluate outcomes based on expectations, how well we could do w/o partner
Comparison Level (CL) What we believe we deserve – expectations for relationship outcomes, standards Based on past experiences Satisfaction is based on relationship b/n CL and outcome
Comparison Level for Alternatives (CLalt) Evaluation based on how well we could do w/o partner If prospects are better, we will leave. If prospects are worse, we’ll stay Even if relationship is miserable (part of CLalt is being alone)
Investments – things we’ll lose if relationship ends Tangible (the “stuff”) and psychological (having to start over)
Standards
Men have lower basic standards for low investment relationships, especially men with higher self-esteem Women have higher standards for low investment relationships, but not if she has low self-esteem Both have high standards for high investment relationships
Key Processes Evaluating Satisfaction – CL compared to outcome. Any time the outcome is higher than CL, you should be relatively happy Evaluating Stability – CLalt compared to outcome. If your CLalt is higher than your outcome, relationship is unstable Nature of Dependence – poor alternatives = high dependence in current partner. The worse the options, the more dependent we become The Principle of Lesser Interest – the person who is less interested has more power. The person with the higher CLalt (better alternatives) has less to lose by leaving Intimacy is Costly – unique rewards and frustrations, pushing partners buttons, we are ruder/less forgiving to partner, the more you trust someone the more liberties you take with how you treat them The Influence of Time – cannot predict whether a relationship will last based on initial rewards, the only defining factor is initial costs. Rewards become less satisfying, costs go up Changes in Effort – comparison levels rise over time, but our desire to be charming might diminish (lower outcomes) Defining Costs and Rewards – we define them individually, we have to value the rewards we’re getting. Gender can play a role (task-oriented rewards vs. emotion affection)
Communal relationship – mutual responsiveness to other person’s needs, we don’t keep a careful account of costs and rewards – we assume they’ll even out over time
Investment model – commitment emerges from the elements of social exchange Satisfaction → Alternatives → Commitment Level → Decision to stay Investments →
Types of Commitment – a persons intention to continue a relationship Personal commitment – stay in a relationship b/c we have a genuine desire to Constraint commitment – there are things holding you in a relationship (high costs, hard to leave) Moral commitment – sense of obligation to stay, right thing to do
Consequences of commitment Can tolerate periods of high cost/low reward Accommodate behavior – flexibility with costly behavior Perceived superiority – better than others
Chapter 9 – Sexual Beliefs & Behaviors
Sex in dating relationships – “permissiveness with affection”
Sociosexual orientation – beliefs and behaviors that describe our perspective about sex Restricted – sex should have an emotional connection Unrestricted – casual sex is OK
The U.S. is more sexually conservative than many industrialized countries
Gender differences (gap is getting smaller) Men are more permissive in general (endorse sex w/o intimacy) Women prefer to be emotionally close
Sexual double standard – when women have too many partners = bad reputation, men are not judged as harshly, and encouraged to explore sexually Men prefer permissive dating partners but inexperienced marriage partners
Social desirability bias is high in sex research (difficult to get good data from people)
Timing of 1st intercourse Men African American – 15 Latino – 16 White – 17 Women African American – 17 Latino – 18 White – 18 Most people have sex by age 20
Oral sex Yes: Sexual behavior Saying oral sex is not sex ignores sexual health issues, invalidates the sexual practice Unwanted oral sex is also constituted as sexual assault No: Alternative (to avoid intercourse) Less intimate than intercourse
The Kinsey scale (0-6) 0 = exclusively heterosexual 6 = exclusively homosexual 7 = asexual (added later)
4-stage model of sexual response Desire Excitement (erection/lubrication) Plateau (stay steady @ arousal level) Orgasm (peak of sexual pleasure) Resolution (bodies return to pre-arousal state)
Sexual Frequency – cohabiting couples > married couples
Gay and lesbian couples Gay men have more sex than heterosexual couples in the beginning but less than any group after 10 years Lesbians have less sex throughout the relationship
Hookups – sexual encounters that have no present or future expectations for love, sometimes just kissing, not as enjoyable as people think
Safe sex (why don’t people use condoms?) Illusion of unique vulnerability - bad things only happen to others Change their minds in the moment – alcohol myopia Pluralistic ignorance – we misjudge what everyone else is doing and go with an incorrect (perceived) norm) Power inequality Interpersonal issues
Extradyadic sex – having sex with someone other than ones partner More likely if unrestricted sociosexual orientation, boring monotonous sex, not enough sex, unhappy with partner
Sexual satisfaction – people who have more sex, have better sex Self-determination theory (determined by traditional gender roles)– sex is best when it fulfills… Autonomy – control Competence – confidence Relatedness – connection Couples who have more satisfying sex lives have happier, more committed relationships Satisfying sex= more likely to do other things together
Communicating about sex Communicating desire = most common sexual communication Nonverbals – indirect in order to avoid rejection Details – positions, likes, dislikes, history (most have difficulty talking about these issues) Easier if both partners self disclose, clear communication is associated with greater satisfaction
Consent – nonverbal strategies often used, may simply do nothing. Must be of “sound mind” to consent, enthusiastic and ongoing yes
Cohabitation – unmarried romantic partners sharing a residence Stayovers – staying overnight 3 or more nights per week while keeping 2 residences
Why do people cohabit? Spend more time together, save money, Take relationship to the next level, Path to marriage, two parent family
Why not? Not ready, money, social network/religion, independence
The cohabitation effect – couples that cohabit before marriage are more likely to divorce (not extreme)
Selection hypothesis – people who cohabit are different from those who don’t
Experience hypothesis – the act of cohabitation erodes positive views of marriage Couples who cohabit when they’re engaged are NOT at higher risk of divorce
The inertia hypothesis – cohabiting couples who otherwise wouldn’t stay together or get married DO because they experience increasing constraints to break up Cohabitation creates momentum, once people live together the constraints to breaking up increase
Sliding vs. Deciding 2 kinds – into cohabitation and into marriage Not a very thoughtful process Consequences – men who cohabit before marriage are less dedicated to their wives – they may have slid into their marriages
Higher risk model Couple Transition → Collect information
Lower risk model Collect information → couple transition
Chapter 10 – Stresses and Strains
Relational evaluation – the extent to which other people value their relationships with us
Relational devaluation – the extent to which other people used to value their relationship with is – decline
Ostracism – being ignored Threatens need to belong Used to punish partner, avoid confrontation, to calm down Leaves partner angry and confused Hurts even when we don’t care about the group Consequences: self-defeating choices, put down, become less generous High self esteem – will not tolerate Low self esteem – won’t leave situation, may become insulting
Jealousy – the potential loss of a valued relationship to a real of imaginary rival Results in feelings of hurt, anger, fear, directed at partner – not rival Types Reactive – response to realistic danger Suspicious – no misbehavior from partner, imagination, byproduct of previous infidelity Jealous tendencies (men and women don’t differ) high when: Person is dependent (low CLalt) Feel inadequate/low self esteem Lower mate value Preoccupied/fearful attachment style Neuroticism is high Value sexual exclusivity Traditional gender roles Rivals Rivalry from friends Renewed interest in an ex Someone who is good competition (women more threatened by beautiful rivals, men by confident and competent rivals) Responses to jealousy – anger, evoke jealousy, violence, spying, restrictive behavior, threatening rival, talk things out → secure attachment, ignore the problem → avoidant attachment How to deal with jealousy – recognize for what it is, break connection b/n partner’s faithfulness and your self worth, Self-reliance – stay cool and avoid feeling angry or embarrassed Self-bolstering – think about your good qualities
Mate Poaching – Behaviors intended to attract someone in a relationship. People who poach are usually extraverted, horny, and approve of adultery
Sexual vs. emotional infidelity – men are bothered more by sexual infidelity, women are bothered more by emotional infidelity
Clues of infidelity Women = more sex, more romantic Men = more quality time, more attentive
Deception – creating an impression that the deceiver knows is false, making things up, concealing information, and telling half-truths Deceivers distrust – when people lie to others, they perceive the recipient to be less trustworthy over time
Mismatch – liars tend to view their deception as less serious than the recipients Self-serving bias – you thing differently about your own behavior, take credit for good things, avoid bad
Good liars have: high social skills, not much to lose, an unattractive target
How to catch a liar: speak hesitantly, higher pitch, grammatical errors, blink more often, mismatch b/n facial expressions and tone of voice
Betrayal – hurtful actions by people we trust, most intense from people we love Women – betray friends and family Men – betray intimate and business partners College students majoring in social sciences, education, business, or the humanities, young people, those with less education, and less religious people are more likely to betray others
Forgiveness- a decision to give up your perceived or actual right to get even with, or hold in debt, someone who has wronged you → secure attachment. Need apology and empathy from victim
Chapter 11- Conflict
Interpersonal conflict – occurs when someone’s motives, goals, opinions, or behavior interfere with those of another Preventing someone from doing/getting what they want
Dialectics – we fluctuate in our pursuit of different goals (opposing motivations) Autonomy vs. Connection Stability vs. Change Openness vs. Closedness Integration vs. Separation
Predictors of high conflict – high neuroticism, preoccupied attachment style, younger couples, incompatibility (similarity), alcohol
Conflict steadily increases from age 19-25, tapers off after that
Top 5 topics of conflict (among married couples) Children Chores Communication Leisure Work/money
Sources of conflict Gay/lesbian couples more similar than different Heterosexual couples – more disagreements about social issues (e.g. politics) Homosexual couples – more issues with trust
Instigating conflict Criticism – pointing out negatives about partner, who they are, what they did, etc. Illegitimate demands – asking something of a person that they wouldn’t expect, defined individually Rebuffs – making a bid for affection, don’t get response from partner that you feel you deserve Cumulative annoyances – small things that accumulate and create bigger issues
Attributional conflict – two interpretations of the same event can lead to conflict Fighting about whose account is correct Actor/observer effects and self-serving bias contribute Men often judge conflict as a sign of intentional betrayal or disrespect
Negative patterns of conflict Escalation – decide to argue or fight about conflict Negative affect reciprocity – partner indicates annoyance and you mirror Demand/withdraw – one person tries to engage conflict, other person withdraws. Vicious cycle, men and women take different roles
Positive patterns of conflict Negotiation – say your side and work toward a common solution Accommodation – acting constructively in the face of attack (opposite of negative affect reciprocity)
Beginning of conflict Instigating events → Engagement → Avoidance
After a Positive attribution Instigating events → Engagement → Negotiation
After a Negative attribution Instigating events → Engagement→Escalation→ Separation→Reconciliation →Conciliation→Negotiation
Conflict styles (all result in stable marriages, key: maintaining 5:1 ratio) Volatiles – like to fight passionately, and make up passionately, high emotion Validatiors – sit down and share, show empathy, understand, solve problem Avoiders – avoid conflict
Hostiles – critical and demeaning to partner, actively engage in conflict in a mean way. Fail to maintain a 5:1 ratio
Ending a conflict Separation – withdraw w/o resolving Domination – one person wins Compromise – partners meet in the middle, neither person gets what they want Integrative agreements – creatively satisfy both partners interests Structural improvement – partners get what they want and it usually improves their relationship. Usually the result of significant upheaval
Relationship education
Showing understanding skill – listen in a way that shows strong interest. Show empathy, repeat partners thoughts, feelings, and concerns. Accept and make changes graciously
Expression skill – think before you speak, start by remembering what’s good. Speak from your own point of view, talk about your feelings, ask for what you want, avoid trigger words, be specific and clear.
How you start matters Soft start – avoiding accusations and criticism when expressing a problem Harsh start – beginning w/ a mean or angry comment
Best practices – be positive, exercise gratitude, be explicit about expectations, avoid contempt, be respectful
Chapter 12 – Power
Social power- the ability to influence the behavior of others and to resist their influence on us
Principles of power Power is based on the control of valuable resources, and access to those resources (not just possession) You can only derive power from having a resource if other people want it Principle of lesser interest (applies to the first 2 principles) The person with less interest in a resource has more power If something we want is readily available elsewhere, we don’t have to rely on one person to get it CLalt – if you can get love, affection, companionship elsewhere, you don’t rely on your partner for it Partner’s interactions emerge from their mutual influence on one another Both have power, this power may fluctuate = power shift
Broad types of power Fate control – “I get to control what happens next” parent-child relationship Behavior control – power derived from changing own behavior to get partner to do what you want – romantic relationship
6 specific types of power Reward power – “If you do what, I’ll give you X” Coercive power – “If you don’t do what I want, I will punish you by X” Legitimate power – “You have a reasonable right to tell me what to do and I feel compelled to do so” Authority, reciprocity, equity Referent power – “I love you, so I will do what you ask of me” Expert power – “You know more than I do about this, so I will do what you want” Informational power – “You have information that I need or want so I will do what you ask of me”
Gender norms Men assumed to have more legitimate and expert power Veto power – even if someone else is making decisions, you can change them Women assumed to have more referent power Women using direct assertion = unfavorable Women using referent power = favorable In heterosexual relationships, the male often has more power Household labor – women more likely to engage in constant duties (cooking, cleaning, childcare). Men more likely to engage in intermittent duties (yard work, fixing the car)
Domain specific expertise – on certain things, women can assert themselves without consequence
Language
Men interrupt women more Women dominate conversations about traditionally feminine topics Assertive women are more powerful w/ other women but less powerful w/men
Power strategies Direct – ask for what you want (more satisfied people/men) Indirect – hinting or pouting (not as satisfied/women) Unilateral – work alone (less powerful/women) Bilateral – work together (more powerful/men)
Status – even more important than gender Low status = low likelihood of acting in assertive/authoritative ways, associated with depression High status = not good at seeing other peoples POV, associated with positive moods
4 Types of intimate partner violence (IPV) Situational couple violence (SCV) Most common form of violence When heated conflicts lead to physical violence Both partners angry – grab, push, hit Occasional and usually mild, unlikely to be life-threatening Intimate terrorism (IT) Violence used to control or oppress Usually threats, isolation, other control tactics are used Frequent and one sided Escalates over time Results in serious injury Most often used by men Violent resistance – Victim fights back Mutual violent control – two intimate terrorists fighting for control
Men and women display similar levels of SCV Men more likely to use coercive violence, perpetrators of IT
Gaining power & control – threats and coercion, emotional abuse, isolation and stalking, preventing access to money
Men’s occupations – violent work associated with higher levels of SCV
Escaping violence – didn’t think they’d be better of if they left, financial barrier, fear of partners reaction
Chapter 13 – Relationship Dissolution
Divorce rate – peaked in 1980’s, since then rates have dropped slightly and leveled
Fault divorce – couples had to prove: Adultery (universal) Desertion Physical (and later mental) cruelty
No fault – added incompatibility and irreconcilable differences
Predictors of divorce – parental divorce, race, cohabitation, social mobility, socioeconomic status, working women, low sex ratio, prior marriage, no-fault legislation, stress hormones, age at marriage*(single best predictor), time together, religion, genetics, stressful life events, alcohol and drug abuse, attitudes towards marriage, marital interactions, sexual satisfaction, marital satisfaction, infidelity, premarital birth, stepchildren, similarity, personality, attachment style
African American couples – more likely to divorce because cohabited for longer period of time, children prior to marriage, lower incomes (increased stress), come from divorced families
Process of divorce (more complicated than premarital dissolution but ways of ending are very similar) Personal phase – disinterest in relationship Dyadic phase – disclosure to partner/spouse Social phase – disclosure to family/friends Grave-dressing phase – reframing to “move on”
After divorce Fiery foes – very angry, cannot work together Anger associates – may at least work together Cooperative colleagues – not good friends but work well together for children Perfect pals – strong bond even though no longer in romantic relationship
Effects on children – most have temporary stress, some have poor outcomes in school behavior, emotional problems, most do fine When parents handle it well, kids do too
Recall Exchange theory – 3 factors that influence breakups Attraction – rewards in the relationship Alternatives Barriers – high for married couples
Vulnerability-Stress-Adaptation (interplay of these determines the outcome) Vulnerability – qualities that may make a relationship unstable Stress – difficult things happen Adaptation – how the couple handles those stressors
Premarital expectations Some relationships end b/c they don’t meet our expectations Greater life expectancy leads to longer marriages
PAIR – Process of Adaption in Intimate Relationships
Enduring dynamics – spouses bring to their marriages problems and incompatibilities that surface during their courtship, usually aware of these shortcomings before marriage
Emergent distress – couples fall into dysfunctional and negative interactions that are not there from the beginning, problems develop over time
Disillusionment – romance fades, people are less wonderful than they seemed in the beginning *best predictor of divorce
Doubts, uncertainties, conflicts, and low warmth spell trouble
Marriage won’t fix current problems – the higher the expectations the further the fall
How do people break up? Direct vs. indirect Other-oriented vs. self-oriented Relationships tend to meander to an end Most common pattern: gradual, individual, indirect, protracted, non-mending
Chapter 14 – Maintaining and Repairing Relationships
Relationship maintenance mechanisms – the strategic actions people use to maintain partnerships
Cognitive mechanisms – people think differently about relationships when they’re committed Identify as “we” – cognitive interdependence Mutuality Positive illusions Perceived superiority – our relationship is better than most Inattention to alternatives Derogation of tempting alternatives Appreciate attractive people, devalue real threats to relationship
Behavioral mechanisms Willingness to sacrifice Accommodation – respond constructively (harder when stressed, tired, or distracted) Couples who do active, exciting, challenging activities together are happier Forgiveness Michelangelo phenomenon – more committed when partner helps to mold us into person we want to be
More Strategies - * = most important Positivity * Openness Assurances * Social network Sharing tasks * Sharing activities Support Conflict management Avoidance of unnecessary conflicts Humor
Premarital education – preventative maintenance
Repairing relationships Beware of self-help books Repairing relationships isn’t simple Reputable sources can offer helpful solutions
Professional intervention Individual therapy = partner + therapist Collaborative therapy = 2 partners + 2 therapists (separate sessions) Concurrent therapy = 2 partners + 1 therapist (separate sessions) Conjoint therapy* = 2 partners + 1 therapist (together) Conjoint group therapy = multiple couples + 1 or more therapist
Behavioral couple therapy – replace negative behaviors with more positive ones “Love days” – days set aside Quid pro quo contract – behavior change in one = behavior change in other Good faith contracts – good behavior is rewarded
Cognitive-behavioral couple therapy – changing how you think about your partner Selective attention – notice some things but not others Positive attributions Try to judge fairly, kindly reasonably
Integrative behavioral couple therapy – both cognitive and behavioral Accept partner’s imperfections Empathetic joining – no resentment Unified detachment – no heated emotion Tolerance building – lower sensitivity to partners actions Give up efforts to change everything you dislike
Emotionally focused therapy – based on attachment theory People seek affection and affirmation from each other It’s bad if partner responds negatively Demand and withdraw Set up structure to satisfy both partners
Insight-oriented therapy – addresses how past patterns or assumptions impact present relationships Working on baggage Affective reconstruction – find a way to change negative emotions about past Building empathy between partners