Arranged Marriages in India

rranged marriages have been one of the most interesting things that still happen in our society. After a long research I found some interesting information on arranged marriages. In this paper I will discuss the countries that still have practice of arranged marriages. I will talk about why arranged marriages happen, how they work, and how they affect women that are involved in it. Also, I would like to take a look at what kind of changes are happening to stop arranged marriages. There are still plenty countries in the world that practice the tradition of arranged marriages. Countries like Korea, Vietnam, India, Japan, Pakistan, and even America though not Americans but other cultures that live in United States. Those and some other counties still believe in the practice of arranged marriage, even though some are starting to change their views about it. Some countries are changing with new generations, and some are forced by their government. For example, in Pakistan there are almost 90 percent of marriages are arranged by parents without consulting the would-be spouses or even allowing the to meet before the wedding (Arranged marriages the rule in Pakistan, pp 66). Another example is Japan, 25-30 percent of all marriages at present time are arranged marriages (Applbaum, 1995 p37). Those are just recorded numbers of those countries, but there are other little areas that have arranged marriages and no one ever knows about them Two other questions are how the arranged marriages happen and who arranges them. In most of the countries parents arrange the marriage, but not everywhere. For example, in Japan people of higher standing and age relative to the couple typically organize arranged marriages (Applbaum, 1995 p. 37). In the rural villages where almost every marriage is arranged, matchmaking used to be done through the elder male member of a barber family (Arranged marriages the Rule in Pakistan, p. 66). In other countries the parents who regard matchmaking as their responsibility usually make arranged marriages. In Pakistan the rules are so strict that a son or daughter who marries without consulting them, or worse, do so against their will may be disinherited and totally disowned (Arranged marriages the rule in Pakistan, p. 66). In some countries parents give their daughters to a person who can offer the most for the girl. Some parents try to marry their daughters off into a higher level of society. The next question I would like to discuss is where do parents find the match for their children. In Japan the matchmaking can occur at a workplace. ”In Pakistan, landowners who do not want their land and wealth passed on to strangers insist on marrying off their children within the family, paying little regard to differences in age and education or personal likes and dislikes” (Arranged marriages the rule in Pakistan, p.66). In Pakistan, in urban areas especially the big cities, family functions are planned by the parents themselves for young women and men to meet and get to know each other, so they could at least give an opinion about their choice. Among educated families, parents make it a point for the prospective spouses to meet at least once. However, it is the parents’ decision that will prevail (Arranged Marriages the rule in Pakistan, p. 66). Another example is India, where prospective spouses do not meet until they are at the altar. Resistance or refusal is not tolerated, and if persistent is met with violence (Dalrymple, 1998 p. 28). Many of Dr. Theodore Dalrymple’s patients have been beaten into acquiescence, and two married at gunpoint (Dalrymple, 1998 p. 28). After discussing how arranged marriages happen and who arranges them, I would like to talk about what affect it has on women whose marriages are arranged. In countries like Pakistan or Japan where prospective spouses are allowed to meet and express their opinion, arranged marriages work out good most of the time. But, the countries like India, and Iraq where brides do not have any say in the choice of their grooms, arranged marriages have led to big disasters. Some Indian women have taken overdoses in an attempt to escape from the emotional conflicts that tears them apart (Dalrymple, 1998 p. 28). When a man marries a woman an arranged marriage he thinks she becomes his property, so he can do whatever he wants with her. There cases where men beat their wives to death and receive no punishment for that because she is his property. Another example of abuse of women in arranged marriages happen in the United States. A 39-year-old refugee from Iraq arranged to marry his two eldest daughters, aged 13 and 14 to two fellow Iraqi refugees, aged 28 and 34. Girls were forced to have sex with their new husbands against their will. Luckily for them it all happened in United States and U.S government was able to help those two girls (Annin, 1996 p. 78). When the father and the grooms said they did not know they had done anything illegal, the deputy county attorney, a woman named Jodi Nelson, replied: “ You live in our state, you live by our laws” (Talbot, 1997 p.18). After seeing all this the question arises, is it ever going to change? Is there anything happening that will change that horrible tradition and save women from abuse? In Qatar, where strict allegiance to the fundamentalist Wahabi Muslim faith and to local custom has for centuries required that women be largely invisible outside the home, as many as 30 percent of Qatari women now work. Some of them drive cars of their own, although they must prove that they have a need to do so (Social change… p.43). In Vietnam The Marriage and Family Law of 1959 ended arranged marriages (Wisensale, 1999 p. 602). In the Unites States government is trying to protect the victims of arranged marriages by passing laws of legal age for marriage. Slowly the change is moving around the world, as undeveloped countries become more and more developed. Women want to get education and have their rights. They see other women around the world free and happy and they want to be like that also. In Qatar, where Islamic law permits men to have as many as four wives, those in their 20’s said they would not tolerate being one among several wives (Social change very slow… p.43). In conclusion I would like to say that the reason I decide to write this paper is to show how bad arranged marriage can be at least for a lot of women who are forced into it. After reading this paper I hope it will become more clear what arranged marriages actually are, how they works, and what kind of affect they have on women who are involved in it. Hopefully, one day very soon that horrible tradition will die out as generations move on or government will be able to protect women a little more than they are able to do now.