Bad News Letter Poor Example
Bad News Letter—Ineffectively Arranged
Dear Mr. Smith:
We regret to inform you that your application for summer employment in our chemistry lab has been rejected. (bad news in opening sentence of opening paragraph—deductive, not inductive) You did not score high enough (stupid!—first person negative) on the employment test you completed in order to be considered for the parttime position in the chemistry lab.
You scored 68 on the exam, and you needed to score at least 90 to be considered for a position. (somewhat implied but bad news is already known) Don’t feel too bad since most first-year college chemistry majors do not score well on this test. (insincere comment)
We have openings in other departments for the summer—administrative services, production, and expediting. Contact Ms. Mary Cummings in Personnel; she has your application so you won’t need to do anything else. (could have used action close)
Again, we’re sorry that we cannot offer you a position in the chemistry lab (repeats bad news in closing) but encourage you to apply again next year.
Sincerely
Bad News Letter—Effectively Arranged
Dear Mr. Smith:
Thank you for your application for a summer position in our chemistry lab. You were one of many who applied for the limited number of positions that we have available for this summer. (buffer identifies topic of letter)
As a result of the large number of applicants for these parttime positions, we asked you and the other candidates to take a difficult chemistry test. The scores earned on the test were used to select persons who would be offered parttime employment this summer. The minimum score necessary to be offered a position was 90 percent; and as you might expect, those persons with an extensive background in chemistry scored the highest. (thorough explanation without hurrying) Although your score was 68, (implies bad news) you did a creditable job for a first-year
Dear Mr. Smith:
We regret to inform you that your application for summer employment in our chemistry lab has been rejected. (bad news in opening sentence of opening paragraph—deductive, not inductive) You did not score high enough (stupid!—first person negative) on the employment test you completed in order to be considered for the parttime position in the chemistry lab.
You scored 68 on the exam, and you needed to score at least 90 to be considered for a position. (somewhat implied but bad news is already known) Don’t feel too bad since most first-year college chemistry majors do not score well on this test. (insincere comment)
We have openings in other departments for the summer—administrative services, production, and expediting. Contact Ms. Mary Cummings in Personnel; she has your application so you won’t need to do anything else. (could have used action close)
Again, we’re sorry that we cannot offer you a position in the chemistry lab (repeats bad news in closing) but encourage you to apply again next year.
Sincerely
Bad News Letter—Effectively Arranged
Dear Mr. Smith:
Thank you for your application for a summer position in our chemistry lab. You were one of many who applied for the limited number of positions that we have available for this summer. (buffer identifies topic of letter)
As a result of the large number of applicants for these parttime positions, we asked you and the other candidates to take a difficult chemistry test. The scores earned on the test were used to select persons who would be offered parttime employment this summer. The minimum score necessary to be offered a position was 90 percent; and as you might expect, those persons with an extensive background in chemistry scored the highest. (thorough explanation without hurrying) Although your score was 68, (implies bad news) you did a creditable job for a first-year