Because You Love Me

If it wasn’t for my mom, I wouldn’t be able to get through life. Yes it could sound like as if it’s a typical teenage thing that we all have gone through. I grew up with a mom, a dad, younger siblings, and both grandmas living all in the same house. If you didn’t know me this would sound like a big and warm family. Only in reality it’s not but instead a living nightmare. I’ve gotten kicked out of the house, and they all thought I would be pregnant or even be a high school dropout. The only person who stood by my side is my mom because I never got support from my family. It is tough growing up with an over protective dad and a mom who is very cultural. Whatever my dad says will go because she wouldn’t question his judgments.
Growing up in a family with so much negative lectures only made me have less confidence in myself. It’s a shame to say but with all the smiles you see here I don’t do this when I am at home. There is no such thing as my parents are ever at fault, so there is never “I am sorry” from them. There are no such things as hugs, kisses, or even I love you. I was raised to show no affection. I know it’s like I am living the life of two people but in my house we have only strict conversatation only on school and how grades should always be improved. I don’t ever do well on test but I know I try my best for everything else to balance those. Yet it’s never good enough for my dad. Growing up being the oldest I have to get it the hard way whether or not I like it. I am a role model to my younger siblings. In my dad’s eyes I am a failure because his priorities are school. When he was a boy, he did well in everything he attended so he expects me being the same. By all means I try my best but yet that’s never good enough. We could be talking about cars and then it some how goes on to lectures about school. I have heard this since I was in kindergarten. Yet only a few years back was when my mom gave me a talk and she made all those years fell off my shoulders. She reminded me and its only awkward to hear for the first time in my life that I was being reminded again from my mom that she is here for me because she is my mom who will love me and back me up for anything but as long as I am will to learn that’s all that matters she will put out everything else. That was the day that brought joy to my heart that I still have a mom.
For over matter of small incidents that might not matter to some people it means big trouble for me. When I was younger I had a bad addiction to the internet. In my house we only used dial up, and had only one phone line. For my parents always needing to call and check up on my siblings, its only disaster for the line always being busy. I soon lie and would always say I have homework or a project to have an excuse to be online for a while. That allows my parents know when not to call. It wasn’t long till I would only sneak on for 5 or ten minutes to check my email and stuff. I thought they wouldn’t find out but turns out that they did. It was my dad that was in need of calling home but couldn’t get the line to go through. He was furious, told me to go live with my friends since that’s what I seem to care about. Only perfect timing was when my mom called, she knew from the tone of my voice I was crying. With just my dad being alone at home with me, for my safety my mom left work immediately. She wanted to find out what was going on since I couldn’t explain to her without me choking up on my own tears. After hours of them fighting in the outcome my mom stood her ground and reasoned with him and declared that I am her half so he can’t just kick me out of the house.
I wish to someday have the guts to say this special speech of mine to my dad letting him know that for who I was, and who I am today that I am very thankful for my mom being there for me. I would like to point out that he was never there to support me. He does not have any rights to claim me and support me after I become somebody. Few words from a heart to heart conversation with my mom when I was most down help motivated me to not give up on life. She is the one I love most and thanks to her for taking the risk and going against what she believes in to help defend me. It has been a lot my mom had to take for me. This speech might not sound happy but it is the time when I can say anything I want and I know people will have to hear it. It is only then is when they know it’s a speech of only thanking my mom and the opposite to my dad.