Cancer Monologue
Cancer
By: Emily Hamil
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We sat in a cold room, not really speaking. It was still rather early in the morning, so the sun had not yet enveloped the sky. Dew still littered the slightly open window panes and fog still carpeted the vibrant green grass. My head was bent down slightly, and I was fiddling with the end of my warm gray sweatshirt. My feet shifted, slightly restless after waiting for numerous hours to hear results. My gaze slid over to my daughter and I tried to timidly make eye contact. She refused. My heart sank. Is she still angry? Or is she just scared like I am?
My chin snapped up as the door was pushed open. Against the narrow walls and the silent halls, it created a resounding thud. The …show more content…
Ch. 2
“Honey…” . My Mom. My strong, tough Mom sounded hopeless. Helpless. Did she mean for her words to cut through me like ice? To tear through me?
“What do you want?!” What do I want? I want her to stop crying, to be strong. She’s not the one who’s going to die. I want her to tell me that this isn’t real. I’m not sick! I’m...great! Right?! I want some quiet, so I can navigate my swirling thoughts, fighting for domination. But...I want her to listen. To understand. She needs to know that I don’t speak out of pride.
“I’ll give you anything! Just get better!” I can only continue to stare. My mouth feels dry, and as the lump in my throat grows, I feel slightly nauseous. I don’t think I can speak without starting to blubber.
“Just get better…” I hope she can see how, though I can only continue to stare into her despairing gaze, how my eyes are softening and tears are beginning to cloud them. I hope she can’t see my hands starting to fist in defiance or my jaw starting to …show more content…
I know this is what she said she wanted, but it hurt. Why did I let her do this? My little angel was dying. She had refused chemo but resigned to being isolated in a hospital that tried to choke the little flicker of flame that kept her alive. Real. Herself. White walls now surrounded us and became a constant part of our lives. My shoulders heaved, and I turned to gaze at her eyes. Her deep blue pools looked in pain, and she appeared tired, but she seemed happy. Her eyes shined and she hummed softly under her breath. What was she thinking? Is she scared? My baby has always been a brave girl, but how was she feeling? She must have known. A few more tears begin to dribble down my face, and I wipe them away with the palm of my free hand. She smiles kindly at me, like I need a reassurance and an ´I love you.´ She shouldn't have to give me a
By: Emily Hamil
-----------------------------------
We sat in a cold room, not really speaking. It was still rather early in the morning, so the sun had not yet enveloped the sky. Dew still littered the slightly open window panes and fog still carpeted the vibrant green grass. My head was bent down slightly, and I was fiddling with the end of my warm gray sweatshirt. My feet shifted, slightly restless after waiting for numerous hours to hear results. My gaze slid over to my daughter and I tried to timidly make eye contact. She refused. My heart sank. Is she still angry? Or is she just scared like I am?
My chin snapped up as the door was pushed open. Against the narrow walls and the silent halls, it created a resounding thud. The …show more content…
Ch. 2
“Honey…” . My Mom. My strong, tough Mom sounded hopeless. Helpless. Did she mean for her words to cut through me like ice? To tear through me?
“What do you want?!” What do I want? I want her to stop crying, to be strong. She’s not the one who’s going to die. I want her to tell me that this isn’t real. I’m not sick! I’m...great! Right?! I want some quiet, so I can navigate my swirling thoughts, fighting for domination. But...I want her to listen. To understand. She needs to know that I don’t speak out of pride.
“I’ll give you anything! Just get better!” I can only continue to stare. My mouth feels dry, and as the lump in my throat grows, I feel slightly nauseous. I don’t think I can speak without starting to blubber.
“Just get better…” I hope she can see how, though I can only continue to stare into her despairing gaze, how my eyes are softening and tears are beginning to cloud them. I hope she can’t see my hands starting to fist in defiance or my jaw starting to …show more content…
I know this is what she said she wanted, but it hurt. Why did I let her do this? My little angel was dying. She had refused chemo but resigned to being isolated in a hospital that tried to choke the little flicker of flame that kept her alive. Real. Herself. White walls now surrounded us and became a constant part of our lives. My shoulders heaved, and I turned to gaze at her eyes. Her deep blue pools looked in pain, and she appeared tired, but she seemed happy. Her eyes shined and she hummed softly under her breath. What was she thinking? Is she scared? My baby has always been a brave girl, but how was she feeling? She must have known. A few more tears begin to dribble down my face, and I wipe them away with the palm of my free hand. She smiles kindly at me, like I need a reassurance and an ´I love you.´ She shouldn't have to give me a