College Admissions Essay-The Power Of Self-Worth

“The Power of Self-Worth”
It was the summer of 2001 and I had lost all sense of personal identity and value. I was married to a physically abusive woman and had two beautiful, innocent, children that were experiencing abuse as a demonstration of love. I became an alcoholic, lazy father, and an overall worthless man. I was struggling everywhere and instead of seeking help, I sought out anything that drowned out the reality of my life. Thoughts of running away, murder, or suicide would circulate through my head daily. I had nothing, contributed nothing, and worth nothing. At this point in my life, I was a 23-year-old with no reason to look forward to one more year of life, whereas others my age were approaching their happiest years and embarking on fantastic journeys. As I prepared for a deployment to Saudi Arabia, I was depressed that my marriage was on its last leg, as my
abusive wife decided to leave me, taking our children across the country, in order to punish me for my mistakes. Then things got worse. As I sat in self-pity, using my failures as excuses to waste my life away, my father was diagnosed with Amyloidosis. Because this debilitating disease had no cure, he was given a window of a few months to a year to live. My father was my hero, an excellent example of what a man and father should be. He was kind to all those he met, generous to those in need, firm on his morals, and humble when he encountered anything that he did not understand. He was not perfect, but in my eyes, he didn’t have to be. He was my friend, my mentor, and my father; seamlessly transitioning through each roll with ease. As I moved my wife and children across the country, we decided to stop so he could see his grandchildren one more time. The second night that we were there, my father and I went for a drive.
He talked to me about where my life was, where it was going, and shared his disappointment in me. I instantly lost control of all my emotions as my dying hero begin to point out all of my failures and shortcomings. He didn’t stop or take it easy on me as I uncontrollably sobbed into my palms. Moreover he remained calm, speaking with firmness as he shared all his years of knowledge that I could not process or appreciate at the time. After he finished his message, he reached across the bench seat of his truck, rested his hand on my shoulder and said “Son, I love you. When you feel alone, I’ll always be there. You may not always like what I say, but I’ll never leave you.” As calming chills enveloped my body, I mustered the confidence to look him in the eye and apologized for letting him down, stating he didn’t deserve a son like me. A loose, heartbroken, smile came across his face as he spoke these life changing words to me, “Son, you are deserving of my love and I give it freely. You are worth my praise and I’m proud of
you.” He pulled over and hugged me as we both began to cry. He mumbled a joke and we both laughed, then we relished the last conversation we would ever have. We shared our happiest memories, secrets we had held from the other, and stories that I would one day pass down to his grandchildren. When we got home, everyone was getting ready for bed, we said Goodnight, and I sat down to watch TV while collecting my thoughts. A few hours later, he passed in his sleep and I lost my father. The next few days were extremely rough attempting to provide comfort to my mom, my wife, and my children. This left me with no time or energy to undergo the mourning process myself. After the funeral, it was time for me to leave, embarking upon a very uncertain journey to find myself and attempt to become a man.
The separation from my wife and children, combined with deployment overseas, was the exact amount of isolation necessary to completely break me apart. Lost in every imaginable sense, I was about to give up when I was approached by the Chaplain assigned to my squadron. Until now, he had never spoken to me before, saying only one thing to me before patting me on the back and walking away, “Marine, you deserve happiness and love. Whatever you’re dealing with, you’re not alone.” Those chilling words acted as a catalyst, as recollections of my father ran through my mind. Everything my father shared with me in our final conversation started to make sense. I began to understand what my dad was attempting to convey to me that day. It wasn’t a message of disappointment, rather a message of hope and the demonstration of unconditional love.
It would take several years of trial and error and lots of pain before the seed my father planted would grow into a man that we could both be proud of. The seed he planted was self-worth, and it is more powerful than anything I could have imagined. Finding pride and confidence in myself has propelled my life into an amazing and meaningful adventure. I adopted the Leadership Trait “Know yourself and seek self-improvement” applying it to most everything I do. Accepting that I am deserving, has given me the strength to face difficult moments in life, ending up better because of them. Of course I still make mistakes, some bigger than others, and I owe it to myself to be humble to them, learn from them, then teach those around me the lessons I’ve learned, hoping to aid them in their own struggles.
I encourage you to find your own source of self-worth and then run with it! Push your comfort zones, challenge yourself, set difficult goals, and then find value both in their success and their failures. Be comfortable with who you are, but not comfortable with where you are. Work tirelessly to become a better man, woman, father, mother, friend, and above all a better you. Do not accept defeat, failure, or ill-treatment; embrace it, and move forward, becoming stronger as a result. Do not settle for second best from yourself or anyone else. However, life does not owe you happiness and success, nor does anyone else. You owe it to yourself and its choice to obtain it! You are worthy of happiness and love. You are never alone, but you alone are accountable for who you become.